Stardate: Unknown
by tayababy
Summary: Sometimes, you know there is a little more to be said. Most of the time, the best moments are ignored. And frequently, it's the important feelings that are forgotten altogether. A look at missing moments and thoughts... in response to the Drabble Challenge on Facebook. Full cast feature and then some. Reviews appreciated.
1. Times Like These

_**Ok, so there's this drabble challenge community on Facebook run by BonesBird, and we are given a daily quote as a prompt. Alpha Flyer then convinced me to post them here.**_

* * *

_**Abby 'ER - The Human Shield' - That's what's important, isn't it. He was wrong and you were right, and while you were arguing about it the little girl died.**_

She ran a hand through her hair and sighed heavily. It was times like these that she hated being in charge, and it made her feel even worse that she was about to discipline the hard way.

The pair were squabbling in front of her, their usually level voices rising with each barb they threw at each other, the insults progressively becoming less socially acceptable.

'That's enough!' she stepped in between then, hands on her hips, her glare effectively silencing them.

She looked at her two former Borg, Icheb on one side, Seven of Nine on the other, and took a deep breath.

These two had the strongest convictions on the ship, and it fell to her to chip them a little.

'It doesn't matter who did what, or who started this,' she waved her hands in the air, 'argument. What matters right now is that you're in the MESS HALL and you're arguing like children.'

'But…'

'Captain…'

'I. Don't. Care.'

Both Seven and Icheb looked appropriately chastised.

'Face it; bad away missions happen. Things go wrong. Sometimes, it's our doing, and other times it's not.'

'But Captain, if only…'

She glared at Seven, and the woman stopped talking.

'That's what's important, isn't it. He was wrong and you were right, and while you were arguing about it the little girl died.'

At least the pair of them chose to stay quiet and shift their glances to the floor.

'What you two need to do now is make up, stop arguing, and reflect. Look back at what happened, learn from your mistakes, and never let something like this happen again. Am I understood?'

'Yes Captain.'

'Good. Dismissed.'

It was times like these she _really_ disliked being in charge.


	2. Hard Decisions

_**B'Elanna Torres 'Voyager - Lineage' - When the people all around you are one way, and you're not… You can't help but feel like there's something wrong with you.**_

**- Neelix - Homestead -**

It wasn't that the crew of _Voyager_, his adopted family, didn't make him feel welcome, or feel at home; quite the opposite really.

It wasn't that he didn't fit in, or that he had nothing to do, no job to make himself useful; in fact he was essential to the crew's wellbeing.

It was the other thing.

Being in proximity to the Talaxian mining colony made him think.

It wasn't that he was lonely, or feeling disenfranchised or left out.

Being in proximity of the Talaxian mining colony made him notice certain things, things he had either failed to notice previously, or had been in the back of his mind for as long as he could remember.

Being in proximity of fellow Talaxians made him realise just how different he was.

Since he'd met Dexa and everyone else who were struggling to survive against the raiders, he longed, now more than ever, that he needed to be in the company of fellow Talaxians.

'Neelix, is there something on your mind?' Captain Janeway sat down on the couch next to him, both of them staring at the colony outside the Mess Hall windows.

He sighed heavily, his eyes not moving from the view in front of him. 'It's just that, when the people all around you are one way, and you're not, you can't help but feel like there's something wrong with you. Being so close to my own people, these Talaxians, has made me realise that.'

Janeway sighed; she had a feeling something like this would happen sooner or later. 'Neelix, you know there's nothing wrong with you, that you're a valued member of our crew, our family.'

Neelix finally looked away from the colony and towards his captain. 'That's just it Captain, I know all of this, yet I can't help feeling what I feel.

'It's like knowing you're normal like everyone else, and you're unique like everyone else, and that's okay. It's all well and good until you find someone who's exactly like you are, and you realise just how different you are from everyone else.'

'And that's how you feel now,' she asked quietly, hanging her head slightly but laying a supporting hand on his arm.

'Yeah,' he answered, just as quietly.

Janeway knew what she had to do, as much as it hurt her to say. 'Neelix, if you want to leave _Voyager_ to be with your people on the mining colony, that's your call. You have the choice to do whatever you want. As much as we love and respect you, you're not a member of Starfleet, and therefore you can leave whenever you want.'

Neelix sighed; a weight had lifted off his chest.

He knew what he wanted to do, and had the blessing to do so.

However hard it was to leave everyone behind, it was what he needed to do, for himself.

He was leaving _Voyager_.


	3. Failure

_**Francis Kelly 'The Deep' - I took an oath to preserve this crew from grave and desperate circumstances, and in that duty I have singularly failed.**_

**- Captain Kathryn Janeway - Basics -**

Seska.

That dirty, rotten, two-faced, back stabbing Cardassian and her Kazon friends were at it again.

Kathryn felt ashamed as one of her Kazon minions ribbed the commbadge off her chest, shoving her towards her crew.

They were on some deserted planet, somewhere in the Delta Quadrant, stranded in even worse circumstances than when the day had started.

And it was all Seska's fault.

They were on this deserted planet with no food, water or shelter, with only their wits about them and their survival training.

As they broke off into their teams, Kathryn knew she had to rely on Tom Paris and his piloting skills if they had any chance of being rescued, but on the surface, everyone had to rely on themselves and their crew mates.

Every person counted, every action had an equal and opposite reaction, and everything mattered if they wanted to live.

As they gathered around the small fire they had manage to light, Kathryn stood in front of her crew, a part of her hair donated to the greater good, she looked every bit as dishevelled as the rest of them.

'I'll have you know that each and every one of you are conducting yourselves with distinction, despite the situation we're in, and when we are back on the ship, I plan on putting a citation in each of your service records to reflect this,' she started, running a hand through her hair.

The crew were a silent bunch, the only sounds coming from the crackling of the fire, the various noises of the night, and the occasional whimpering of baby Naomi Wildman in her mother's arms.

'I want you all to know, the minute the array was destroyed and we were resigned to our fate here, I took an oath to preserve this crew from grave and desperate circumstances, and in that duty I have singularly failed. Despite my best efforts, and the best efforts of all of you, were have been betrayed by someone we thought was one of our own, and we are suffering for it.'

She looked around, making eye contact briefly with her senior officers and other members of her crew, taking in the sight before her.

'But, we must not give up, we must not lose hope. We must fight for survival with every ounce of our training, and make the most of what we have available. We will be rescued, I have every faith in that, but we must survive until that happens.

'I have faith in all of you to help each other, to succeed where I have failed. We may be alone on this planet, but we have each other, and we will survive.

'Failure in that is not an option.'

As she sat down, Kathryn Janeway only hoped that everyone else believed her speech, because she found it very hard to believe in herself.

Not when she had failed everyone.


	4. Something to Show

_**Terry 'Men of a Certain Age' - We're at this place in our lives, we've come all this way, and I got nothing to show for it.**_

**- Chakotay/Harry Kim - post-Endgame -**

Chakotay put on his happy face, smiled for the Federation News Service, and moved into the grand ballroom at Starfleet Headquarters in San Francisco, the tunic of his dress uniform clinging in awkward places.

They had chosen to wear the dress uniforms of the version they had been wearing during their journey, one which was apparently replaced close to five years before, so everyone would know who they were.

Not that anyone could hope to misplace any of them for someone other than who they were.

They were the Voyagers, survivors of the Delta Quadrant, the valiant travellers who had finally returned home after seven long years.

And so, here he was, surrounded by his crew, his family, but he was alone.

Chakotay couldn't help but think, as he sat at the table designated for the senior officers, about everything they'd been through.

Harry Kim slipped into the seat next to him and sighed heavily.

Chakotay chuckled. 'Yeah, it feels that way, doesn't it?'

The younger man took a sip from the champagne flute he'd brought with him, nodding. 'It's not that I'm unhappy to be home, I mean, it's great, but…'

'But we're at this place in our lives, we've come all this way, and we've got nothing to show for it,' Chakotay deadpanned, sipping his own champagne.

'Yeah,' Harry sighed. 'I mean, look at Tom and B'Elanna, how happy they are, especially now that Miral's here. At least we have each other, the friends we've made, the family we've become.'

'But how much good is that going to be without _Voyager_ to keep us together? How close will everyone stay once we've all been reassigned across all regions of the Alpha and Beta Quadrants?'

'We've come all this way, and we have nothing to show for it,' Harry breathed, the revelation sinking in.

'Yeah,' Chakotay sat back in his chair, watching the festivities happening before them, taking another sip of his champagne. 'Well Harry, we need to do something about that.'

'That we do.'

Both of them turned around to see Kathryn Janeway standing behind them, one of her biggest grins across her face.

'Captain?' he couldn't help but stand in his commanding officer's presence.

'It is my pleasure to promote you to the rank of full lieutenant, Mr Kim, with all the obligations and responsibilities that go with it,' she pinned the rank pip on the collar of the stunned man, her maternal pride shining through. 'It's been a long time coming Harry, and you deserve it. Congratulations.'

Lieutenant Harry Kim stood there, stunned, as Kathryn patted him on the shoulder before walking away.

'Well, looks like you have one thing to show for the journey,' Chakotay deadpanned, finishing off his champagne before getting up. 'Congratulations, _Lieutenant_.'

Something to show, indeed, Harry though.


	5. Letting It Go

_**Ted Mosby 'How I Met Your Mother' - You may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face. But there's always a third option, you can just let it go. And only when you've done that is it really gone and you can move forward.**_

**- Tom Paris/Admiral Owen Paris - post-Endgame -**

He was getting sick of the constant arguments, the disapproving stares, the overall judging.

They'd been back in the Alpha Quadrant for almost a month, and most of the interactions he'd had with his father had been of the negative persuasion.

He'd been thrown in the Penal Colony almost ten years ago.

Kathryn Janeway had 'sprung' him seven years ago.

He'd spent seven years on Voyager, for the most part, as a model officer.

Hell, he'd come home with a wife and newborn daughter.

He was a changed man, a better man, and his father was still as disapproving as ever.

'Dad, I can't deal with this anymore,' Tom rubbed a hand down his face. 'This judging, the disapproving stares, it all needs to stop.'

Owen Paris sat behind his desk, his impassive face giving nothing away, but still Ton could feel the negativity wafting off him.

'You may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face. But there's always a third option, you can just let it go. And only when you've done that is it really gone and you can move forward.

So that's what I'm doing, Dad. I'm letting it go.'

And with that, he turned on his heel, and walked out of his father's office.

The ball was in his court now.


	6. Cause and Effect

_**Joan Redfern 'Doctor Who' - If you had never visited us, never chose this place on a whim, would anybody here have died?**_

**- Stardate: Unknown -**

They stood in the aftermath of the devastation, the five of them, side by side, wearing matching shocked expressions.

No one could speak; it was hard enough to move, and breathing was only slightly easier.

The amount of particles in the atmosphere created and environment that could sustain humanoid life, but only just. The Doctor had warned them before beaming down; extended exposure was not wise, regardless of the anti-radiation shots they'd been given.

'Did we cause this?' B'Elanna couldn't help but ask, her voice small. Tom put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his chest in comfort.

'We did not fire the weapons that caused this,' Tuvok said. 'But yes, our presence here initiated the hostilities, this being the end result.'

'But, there's almost nothing left.' Harry, ever the green ensign, seemed to age a half dozen years in that moment, the innocence falling away amidst the ashes.

A movement in the rocky remains of buildings alerted them to a presence other than their own. Their training immediately kicked in and they steeled themselves for a confrontation, weapons drawn.

'How could you?' the woman screamed, stumbling out from behind a broken wall. 'Do you see what you've done? This is your fault!'

The Captain stepped forward, finding her voice for the first time since they'd materialised on the surface. She offered a hand to the obviously injured and grieving woman, intending to help her off the ground. 'Are you alright?'

The woman looked into Janeway's face and sneered. 'You! If you had never visited us, never chose this place on a whim, would anybody here have died?'

Kathryn bowed her head, almost ashamed. 'Well, we never meant for any of this to happen…'

'But it did! Can't you see, this is your entire fault! Before you came, we were at peace…'

The five of them stepped back, leaving the woman to continue her rant, shouting expletives and insults after the Starfleet officers.

Kathryn knew there was nothing more that could be done here; the continent was in ruins, and the remaining government was nowhere near inclined to honour a trade agreement with the Federation vessel.

It was with a heavy heart that the Captain, bound by the chain of command and her rank, gathered her officers into formation and tapped her commbadge.

'Janeway to _Voyager_. Five to beam up. Energise.'

They left the planet behind with heavy hearts, knowing these people would never consider them friends.


	7. The Right Thing

_**Albus Dumbledore 'Harry Potter' - There's always a choice between what is right and what is easy.**_

**- Janeway - Caretaker -**

Her heart broke just a little as the array was destroyed, taking away their best avenue of getting home with it.

Here they were, 75,000 lightyears away from home, on the other side of the Delta Quadrant, with a good portion of her crew dead, and a contingent of furious Maquis gathered in the Mess Hall.

It would have been easier to program the array, just like the Caretaker had told her, and sent the ship, both ships, back to the Alpha Quadrant. They would have returned to the Badlands, she would have caught Chakotay's Maquis cell, they would have been sent to a penal colony, and she and her crew would have gone one their merry way, back to Earth and the next mission.

But, there's always a choice between what is right and what is easy.

It wasn't a hard choice, not any more. And, in hindsight, it was her only choice.

The conversation with Chakotay was painful, and the fallout would be extensive, but she knew what she had to do.

She had to do the right thing.

She had done the right thing.

Now, she had to get her people home.


	8. Knowing Q

_**First Doctor 'Doctor Who' - One day I shall come back. Yes I shall come back. Until then there can be no fears, no regrets, no anxieties. Just move forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine.**_

**- Janeway - post-Eternal Tide -**

He'd be back.

Not that he'd said it in so many words, or to her face, but Kathryn Janeway knew that Q would return, to play with humanity once again.

She hadn't seen him since she had been, for lack of a better term, resurrected, and his son had sacrificed himself for the greater good and the benefit of the universe, but she knew.

He was Q, and she knew him well.

She knew that his first encounter with humanity, the one with Jean Luc Picard and the Enterprise-D, was the very beginning of his games. He had tested humanity more than once, in many different ways, shapes and forms, but no one could say that he didn't care for humanity.

Not that he'd said that, either.

So, Kathryn Janeway moved forward with her life, her new life; she took command of the fleet in the Delta Quadrant, she finally pursued a romantic relationship with Chakotay, and she made the best of the second chance she'd been given.

Because no one would ever dream of disappointing Q.

**I maintain that this is canon, because the books are technically canon, no matter what anyone else says :P**


	9. All But Alone

_**When you are the furthest from me**_

_**Only a photo keeps me company**_

_**And all I have's a shred of hope and thoughts til I see you again**_

_**All this time I'm waiting**_

_**Wondering when I will see you again**_

_**This is just the tip of the iceberg**_

_**No bone in my body tells me I deserve her**_

**- J/C - post-Endgame -**

It was hard, being stationed at different ends of the quadrant.

Yes, it was his choice to accept a posting at the Academy, and yes, he knew she couldn't stay planetside for too long without growing restless.

But still, it was hard.

Even though she was an admiral, she was one of the best diplomats Starfleet had seen since the Kirk era, other than Jean-Luc Picard, and good diplomats were exactly what the post-Borg Federation was in dire need for.

So, he was stuck on Earth, teaching seemingly-enthusiastic cadets about the Delta Quadrant and the archaeological and anthropological finds they made on their initial journey.

It was weird; they had been back for almost a decade now, and so much had changed, yet the Academy was still teaching a curriculum influenced by _Voyager_'s original journey.

But what was even weirder for him was that Kathryn was at the other end of the quadrant, and all he had for company was a photo of her. She was too far away for instantaneous contact, so they each had to rely on recorded messages, and it was killing him.

What was worse, was that she had their three year old daughter with her. If he had a choice, Kimmie would be on Earth with him, spending her third year playing under the sun and creating mischief in fresh air, rather than the recycled atmosphere of the starship she and Kathryn were currently living on.

But, once again, Kathryn had won that argument, and Kimmie was with her mother, and he was all but alone, with only a picture to keep him company.

It was hard, being all but alone, waiting for the next transmission from his family, wondering when, if ever, they would return to him.

However, it was those moments when he saw her face, saw Kathryn's face, that he wondered how he ever deserved her love in the first place.

He was all but alone, there on Earth, in the house he had built for his family, but he was holding on to the hope that they would return home to him, alive, once and for all.


	10. Falling Into Place

_**Every time I see your face**_

_**Every time you look my way**_

_**It's like it all falls into place**_

_**Everything feels right**_

**- P/T -**

She was trying to avoid the feelings at first. Oh, she was avoiding the hell out of her feelings.

She was denying the feelings.

The feelings didn't exist.

Except, they did.

They still do.

Every time he appeared in Engineering, that cocky smirk on his face, she felt the heat rise in her cheeks, before she turned away just in time. He'd always come up to her with some kind of lame, flirtatious line, and she would always slap him right back down again with something akin to a growl and an insult.

It was highly provocative in some form, and definitely arousing.

Then, after they finally admitted the feelings, because apparently everyone on the damn ship knew they had feelings for each other except them, it all became a whole lot easier.

The cocky flirtatious comments were met with ones of equal standing, and sometimes she even one-upped him.

It became provocative and arousing in a different way, so much that they were warned to keep it down a few times.

Eventually, everything fell into place.

He'd walk in to Engineering, she'd see his face, and both would light up at the sight of the other.

They were both falling into place, and everything was right in the universe again.

Well, almost everything.

They were stuck in the Delta Quadrant, after all.


	11. Resist

_**Like a river flows surely to the sea**_

_**Darling so it goes**_

_**Some things are meant to be**_

_**Take my hand, take my whole life too**_

_**For I can't help falling in love with you**_

She was trying not to.

Oh, it was so hard to resist temptation, but she was determined.

No matter what he did, what he said, or all of those amazing cute and sweet things he did for her (not that she'd ever admit they were of the cute or sweet persuasion) she would not give in.

She wouldn't fall in love with him.

She wouldn't let herself.

She had to resist.

Oh, but it was so hard not to.

It was especially hard when he brought her coffee, or breakfast, or meals in general. It showed her that he was genuinely interested in her wellbeing, and her continued good health.

And she kinda liked that too, not that she'd ever admit it.

Ever.

But then he'd do something; it might be little, it might be completely him and big, but it would warm her heart, and slowly put a chip in the protective barrier she'd erected around herself.

And then, one day when they were walking in public, he reached to hold her hand, and she let him.

Because he'd already wormed his way into her life, he may as well have her hand too.

Because, as much as she was trying to avoid the admission, she had fallen in love with him.


	12. Show You

_**I do want to show you**_

_**I would run to you, to you until**_

_**I can't stand on my own any more**_

_**I cross my heart and hope to die**_

'Come on, B'E, just let me in.'

'NO!'

Tom Paris sighed, resting his forehead against the door to the 'fresher. His pregnant wife had stormed in their from their main quarters almost an hour ago, and was now refusing to speak to anyone, let alone the idiot husband who had forced her to hide in the first place.

'B'E, I didn't mean it, hell I didn't even say it!' he was trying his hardest to dig himself out of the hole he'd inadvertently buried himself in. 'I was just telling you what Harry was saying in the Mess Hall!'

'That's even worse!' she shouted.

Tom felt his heart breaking into tiny pieces; he could hear the tears in her voice, and the way her chest was heaving with sobs while she was trying to talk.

'Honey,' he dropped his voice, pulling out a rare term of endearment. 'B'Elanna, I swear I was standing up for you, showing them just how much stronger you are, growing our daughter. It's not like Harry, or Chakotay, or me, or any of the other men on this ship can do what you're doing right now. Hell, they don't even get an opinion. They get less of an opinion than I do, and I don't get an opinion.'

He heard her sigh heavily, and knew he was on the right track.

'Honey, half the time, you don't get an opinion on what our daughter is putting you through, and no one understands that, least of all Mr Falls-In-Love-With-The-Wrong-Women.'

'But he's your best friend.'

'But you're my wife, and the mother of our daughter; that very same daughter whom is currently residing in you, and driving both of us wild.'

He heard a sniff, and moved with the door as she released the lock and faced him for the first time in too long.

'B'E, I'll to anything to show you how much you both mean to me, I'll run til I can stand any more, I'll to anything to stand up for our family, cross my heart….'

He silenced as she put a finger to his lips to stop his rambling. 'Shhh, Flyboy, I believe you.'

He smiled. 'You do?'

'Yep,' she nodded. 'You'll always be there for me, and you always stand up for me, even when you're being an insensitive _p'taQ_, and I love you even more for it.'

'Oh, B'E…'

'Don't push it too far, Flyboy,' she warned him with a smile. 'You'll do anything to show me you love me, and to show our friends too, so shut up while you're ahead.'

'Yes ma'am.'

'Now,' she smiled. 'My back has been aching…'

He smiled, pulling her into his arms. 'I can fix that.'


	13. All Alone I

_**All alone I didn't like the feeling**_

_**All alone I sat and cried**_

_**All alone I had to find some meaning**_

_**In the centre of the pain I felt inside**_

All alone I sat there waiting, waiting for some word, any word, to hear what was going on.

All alone I sat there, thinking, imagining the worst case scenario.

All alone I sat there, wishing and hoping that everything is okay.

All alone I sat there, until he came.

All alone I sat there.

All alone I.

It was all he could do; sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, waiting for some word, _any_ word, on his wife's condition.

They had been having a good day, the first one in a long time, and neither had hard feelings when they had to go their separate ways to work, at different ends of the city.

It had been a good day.

Now, he was sitting, waiting, wishing and hoping, for any word.

'All alone I,' he muttered, clasping his hands together for something to do.

He was sitting at his desk when the call came in; someone on their cell phone had run a red light and smashed into her car.

There was nothing she could have done, and he knew it. She was always careful on the roads; she had seen too many victims of these types of accidents before, and always trued her hardest never to become one.

She did everything right, and yet, she was the one in surgery with head injuries.

The doctors that greeted him said her car had wrapped around a telephone pole; they said she was lucky she was the only person in the car, as no one else would have survived.

Except she wasn't the only person in the car.

His wife was six months pregnant with their first child, and now both of them were in the hospital.

And, all alone, he was in pain, waiting to hear about them.

He barely heard the surgeon come to get him, and he let said surgeon lead him to the NICU to meet his tiny daughter. He absentmindedly followed instructions as they showed him the entry procedures, and he let himself be led to the tiny baby girl's incubator.

He smiled as he saw her tiny body, no bigger than a bottle of spring water, and saw past the machines keeping her alive.

He was all alone, and she was all alone, and they were all alone together.

The pain in his heart was fading, until another surgeon came to see him.

They had done everything they could, but his wife did not survive the surgery.

And, all alone I sat, with our little girl, wishing and hoping you were still here with us.

All alone I sat, crying as the pain inside broke me apart.

All alone I waited for you to come back.

All alone I.


	14. Changes

_**I thought I saw a sign, somewhere between the lines**_

_**Maybe it's me, maybe I only see what I want**_

_**I still have your letter**_

_**Just got caught between, someone I just invented**_

_**Who I really am and who I've become**_

**- AU, circa 2392 -**

Somehow, somewhere, everything changed.

Looking back on his life, Captain Thomas Eugene Paris of the Federation _Starship Columbus_ had a lot to be proud of, but he was wondering where it all went wrong.

Sure, he was still married, and sure, his kids were growing up nicely.

The only problem was, he hadn't seen them in over a year, and he hadn't seen his wife in longer.

He sat in his ready room, staring out the window at the slipstream-warped stars, his _Sovereign_-class ship in the depths of the Gamma Quadrant, somewhere between the Bajoran wormhole and the far reaches of Federation space.

He sighed, his mind lost in all things in the past, the single PADD on his lap open to the letter he received from his father all those years ago.

He activated the recording, letting the sound of his deceased father's voice wash over him, the long-committed words automatically playing out on his lips.

It made him think about just what had happened between the Borg Invasion of 2381 when he was still a Lieutenant Commander, the XO of _Voyager_, and now in 2392, a full Captain with his own command, though he felt like he had hardly anything to show for it.

The photo mosaic decorating one wall drew his attention, the multiple images of B'Elanna, Miral, Owen and Katie reminding him of everything he left behind.

After their adventures in the Delta Quadrant, the multiple times they'd ended up there, B'Elanna had wanted their children to grow up with some form of stability in their lives, and was determined to raise them through their formative years planetside, whatever the costs and/or consequences.

She had successfully taken a posting on Earth, designing what could potentially become a new class of starship; whereas he was offered a promotion and a command of his own.

It would have been career suicide to decline it, so he didn't.

And that was where everything changed.

Maybe now that he'd had _Columbus_ for almost three years it was time to change things again. Perhaps even for the better.


	15. Desperate Measures

_**When I got you right where I want you**_

_**I've been pushing for this for so long**_

_**Kiss me, just once, for luck**_

_**These are desperate measures now**_

**- P/T - Unimatrix Zero -**

'I wish you didn't have to do this.'

They were standing just outside the shuttlebay, the Captain, Seven and Tuvok already inside, B'Elanna folded into Tom's arms.

'I _really_ wish you didn't have to do this, B'E.'

'I know,' she murmured into his uniform. 'I wish I didn't have to do this either.'

'Then why are you?'

She sighed, pulling her face out of his chest. 'Because it's the Borg, and this time, our plan might just work the way it's supposed to, and this time, we might just destroy the Borg for good.'

Well, he couldn't argue with that, could he?

'I know,' he sighed in resignation. 'Doesn't mean I have to like it.'

In fact, he hated it.

And he was pretty sure Chakotay hated it too.

Both were potentially losing the women they loved to the Borg, and this time, there was the potential they were losing them for good.

'Promise me you'll come back.'

'Tom, you know I can't promise that…'

'Promise me you'll try.'

She pulled her face out of his uniform. 'Tom, of course I'll try. I'll do everything I can to come home, to come back to you.'

He smiled at that, the closest admission of love he'd ever heard from her.

'Now, kiss me Flyboy, just once, for luck.'

He smiled and did just that, not caring they were in a public place. After all, desperate times called for desperate measures.


	16. Fear

_**It's a thief in the night to come and grab you**_

_**It can creep up inside you and consume you**_

_**A disease of the mind, it can control you**_

_**It's too close for comfort**_

Despite the fact they were hurtling through space many, many times the speed of light, it was the darkness she was afraid of.

They were technically surrounded by darkness, by nothingness, but it was the absence of stars in said darkness that frightened her the most.

That however-long period of time they spent in The Void was the most unnerving, confidence-breaking period of time she had ever experienced, and it was the gateway to this… fear of the darkness she now had.

It not only instilled fear in her psyche, but it instilled doubt as well.

Would they ever make it home?

Was she string enough to lead them home?

Was she strong enough to lead them through the next threat to their safety?

The doubt, the fear, the worry; she had to battle her mind to beat them.

But, as that frightful joker said in that mind-scape said, the only thing to fear is fear itself.

She sighed, and continued to stare out the window of her quarters, watching the stars streak by.

She had to overcome her fear.

She had to lead them home.


	17. Find His Way

_**Yeah everyone needs someone**_

_**To help them find their way**_

_**But sweet Virginia's wrath**_

_**Would stop any man in his path**_

_**She'll satisfy then cut to the bone**_

Sitting at the bar, he felt like he was flailing. He didn't know where his life was going, or what he was doing with it.

He'd lost his way.

Sipping the beer that someone, probably the bartender, had placed in front of him, he wondered what he'd been doing for the past god-knows-how-many days, weeks, months, years, it had taken his to realise just how lost he actually was.

'Two shots of tequila, no chasers.'

He turned to his right, seeing this beautiful, not-quite blonde, but not brunette, woman perched on the bar stool next to him.

Damn, he thought he'd projected enough of a 'leave me alone' aura so this wouldn't happen.

'Mind if I sit here?'

Huh. Apparently not.

'Go ahead.'

She smiled at him, and the two tequila shots she'd ordered were knocked back one right after the other.

'Tequila kind of day?' he asked.

She smiled at him again; man, he could get used to that smile. 'Every day is a tequila kind of day.'

She offered her hand and gave him her name, but couldn't see anything past her hazel-green eyes and the smile that made his flailing seem a little less self-pitying.

Maybe she could help him find his way.


	18. I Believe In You

_**I believe in you**_

_**I can't even count the ways**_

_**That I believe in you**_

_**And all I want to do**_

_**Is help you to believe in you**_

She was freaking out.

She was known as the immovable object, the guiding force behind just about everyone, and here she was, freaking out.

It didn't help that her First Officer wasn't very supportive of her plan to infiltrate the Borg cube in this manner, or attempt to take down the Borg for the nth time.

So, she was freaking out.

So many things could go wrong, and it didn't matter how right everything could go, because there were so many ways every single aspect of the mission could go wrong.

'Stop freaking out Kathryn.'

She turned around to see Chakotay standing just inside the closed doors of her Ready Room.

'What?'

He smiled and stepped towards her. 'I know what you're thinking, and you need to stop freaking out.'

Kathryn sighed, dropping her head and stepping towards her best friend. 'I'm not freaking out.'

'Yes, you are,' she put his hands on her shoulders. 'You're worrying about everything that could go wrong with the mission, and you need to stop.'

'But…'

'No buts,' he whispered, pulling her in for a hug. 'I believe in you, and you need to believe in yourself. Everything's going to be fine.'

'Thanks Chakotay, 'Kathryn smiled. 'We both know everything's not going to be fine, but it's nice to have your support.'

'Just remember, I believe in you, Kathryn. You should believe in yourself too.'


	19. Insomnia

_**Do you remember when we'd**_

_**Stay up late and we'd talk all night**_

_**In a dark room lit by the TV light**_

_**Through all the hard times in my life**_

_**Those nights kept me alive**_

Again, it was the middle of the 'night'. Well, what the ship's chronometer designated as night, anyway.

And, again, she had insomnia. And insomnia made her digress.

There were a pile of PADDs on their table, each holding a report she needed to either complete or read, but the insomnia made her mind wander.

She couldn't focus on anything, but her mind was too active to sleep.

It sucked.

She gave up on lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and moved to the sofa.

She highly doubted the movement disturbed her husband; the man was a notoriously sound sleeper, and her pregnancy-related tossing-and-turning hardly seemed to affect him.

But this time, she wants her husband. She wants him to notice that she can't sleep, and that it's not about the baby this time.

She dropped her hand to her rounded stomach; it wasn't overly large, as she was barely at five months, but the action made her smile anyway.

She looked up and saw the television Tom had replicated years ago and smiled. It was the perfect distraction, the cartoons just stimulating enough to shut her thoughts down and potentially lull her to sleep.

'B'E? You okay?'

She looked up to see her husband had woken, and was standing next to her. She smiled at him and patted the cushion next to her. 'Couldn't sleep,' she said by way of explanation.

Tom sighed and sunk down next to her, his arm immediately moving around her shoulders, pulling her to rest against him. He laughed absentmindedly at the cartoon playing, the television the only light being cast through their quarters apart from the warped starscape outside.

'So, Harry and I were in Fair Haven the other day…'

B'Elanna stopped listening to the words, her body simply relaxing listening to his voice telling a random story about his holodeck adventures with his best friend, and she smiled to herself, her mind already beginning to shut down.

These were the nights she loved him even more than usual, when he put her wellbeing in front of his own.

These were the nights she lived for, the nights that kept her sane, kept her alive.


	20. In Spite of Everything

_**I never did do anything that you asked**_

_**I never let what happened stay in the past**_

_**I never did quite understand what you meant**_

_**In spite of everything, in spite of everything**_

It was in spite of everything that he kept bringing it up.

That one indiscretion, just after they'd finally started dating.

It wasn't a big thing, not really, not in the grand scheme of things.

He was a big picture type of person, and this was one tiny blemish; nothing worth mentioning.

It was only in spite of everything that he brought it up, yet again.

They were arguing, it was nothing new; you work too much, you're never home, you don't spend enough time with the kids; the usual thing.

Well, that's how it always starts.

Then, it turns to the medium-sized issues; even when you are home, you're always working, that phone never leaves you hand.

It's only when they're really pissed off at each other that the big things get brought up; the indiscretions, the forgotten anniversaries and events, that one time in the office at work; those kinds of things.

But, in spite of everything, they always made up.

They made each other a promise in their wedding vows to never go to bed angry, and it was something they tried ever so hard to follow through on, even when it was so very easy to ignore.

Then, one of them reminded the other just how much they loved them, and just how unimportant the fight was in the grand scheme of things.

Because he was a big picture kind of person, and the blemishes were hardly worth mentioning.

Because, in spite of everything, they always made up.


	21. Waiting for Her

_**J.D. 'Scrubs' - I tried to convince myself the reason I didn't come earlier was because of you coming in to work drunk, but that's not it. I was scared. I guess after all this time I still think of you as like this superhero that'll help me out in any situation I'm in. I needed that.**_

**- Chakotay/Torres - Extreme Risk -  
**

He waited.

He knew she had to be the one to come to him, because any approaching on his part would go down the wrong way.

She had to realise herself that she needed help, and she had to be the one to seek him out.

He knew she wouldn't seek out Tom; in this situation, the boyfriend wouldn't help.

Because, face it, he wasn't there. And she wasn't really that close any more with anyone who was.

Except for him.

So he sat in the Mess Hall, just calmly looking out the windows, waiting for her to seek him out. They were due back from their away mission soon anyway, and other than a medical clearance from the Doctor, he knew she didn't have anywhere else to be.

So he waited.

He didn't have to wait long.


	22. Supposedly Justified

_**Jonathan Archer 'Enterprise' – **__**I thought that all the risks would be worth it, because just beyond the next planet, just beyond the next star... there would be something magnificent, something noble. And now he is dead, and I have to make a speech about how worthwhile it's all been.**_

**- Janeway - Friendship One - **

The moment they transported Joe Carey back, she knew it was too late.

It shouldn't have shocked her when his lifeless body materialised on the transporter platform; they'd all heard the conversation, the fatal shot… but still, she was surprised.

It was their first official mission from Starfleet, and they'd lost one of their engineers.

Correction: _she'd_ cost them their deputy chief engineer.

She was extremely glad Tom had protested his wife's participation in the away mission; Kathryn knew she'd hate herself even more if anything remotely similar had happened to B'Elanna or her unborn daughter.

So, as Lieutenant Carey's remains were transported to the ill-frequented morgue, she hung her head, mostly in shame.

She'd say, at his funeral when they committed him to eternity in space, that it was justified; the away mission, the anger of the people forced underground due to the nuclear winter. She'd explain they had good reason; they were suffering from extreme radiation sickness, and it was partly their fault.

It wouldn't do anyone any good, but she'd say it anyway.

_Friendship One_ had caused this; their distant ancestors on Earth had caused this, and now they were dealing with the consequences.

Some days, she wished the pressures of command, the responsibilities of command, did not require her to do this.

But, if she didn't, who would?


	23. His Way

_**Turn me inside out and upside down**_

_**And try to see things my way**_

_**Turn a new page, tear the old one out**_

_**I'll try to see things your way**_

**- Chakotay - Parallax -**

Sometimes it was hard being in charge; well, second-in-charge.

When Janeway made him her XO, he knew he was going to have to change his ways, revert back to his Starfleet training, or things were going to get ugly.

But, Kathryn Janeway was right about one thing; they were going to be one crew, one Starfleet crew. And he was going to enforce that, even if it was the death of him.

It would be hardest for the former Maquis who had never studied at the Academy; whom had never been members of Starfleet like he was.

Hell, he was finding the adjustment hard enough, let alone people like Seska and Torres; they would be the hardest to convert.

The incident between B'Elanna and Joe Carey helped matters even less, and that was when Chakotay knew he had to teach his people a lesson.

'I don't care how much you dislike the situation; it is what it is and that's it. You have eto learn to deal with it!'

The looks on the faces of the former Maquis were shocked.

'Yes, we're stuck in the Delta Quadrant, and yes, it sucks. But the Captain could have very easily left us on a planet somewhere and continued home on her own. But she didn't, and we all owe her for that.'

'But…'

Chakotay silenced the protests with a glare. 'But nothing. She's our ticket home, and she's the Captain, so we have to do it her way. I've had to compromise, so you all can too.'

He silenced their protests again, this time by raising his hand.

'Try to see it my way. She could have thrown us in the Brig, but she chose to integrate us into her existing crew. She gave us a chance, now it's our turn to return the gesture.

'Do me a favour; I'll try and see it your way, if you try and see it mine. In the meantime, deal with it.'

He rose from the table in the Mess Hall and walked out without giving them a second glance. They'd figure it out, and Torres would lead them to a resolution.

That woman was a natural leader, and if anyone could change the stubborn minds of her crewmates, it would be her.

Chakotay smiled to himself. They'd come around; he had faith in them, just like the Captain had faith in him.

It just might take a little longer for everyone to see his way.


	24. Judgement

_**And the crowd, silent as a whisper**_

_**Listen as she recites her sins**_

_**And one by one, with different agenda's**_

_**They pull out their sympathy**_

**- Janeway - post-Endgame -**

The Alpha Quadrant was a different place now; seven years and the Dominion War had seen to that.

Court Martials however, hadn't changed a whole lot; or rather, the intimidating feeling of being in the principal's office.

Kathryn Janeway felt like a rebellious teenager who'd been caught vandalising school property.

Except she was no longer a teenager, and she was defending actions many degrees larger than vandalism.

She was defending herself, her decisions, and her actions in the Delta Quadrant.

No big deal, right?

Wrong.

The assembly of admirals behind the table in front of her, where she had been standing at ease, defending her journey, for close to four hours now, were the very epitome of intimidation.

It had been four hours, and she had been defending her more… objectionable actions to the panel almost non-stop.

She knew that each and every admiral on the panel had a different agenda in regards to her, and what should happen to her, punishment or otherwise.

But, she couldn't let that worry her.

All she could do was recount her stories, and wait for their judgement.

Regardless of what that judgement was.


	25. Lonely and Lost

_**Since you've been gone**_

_**I've been lost**_

_**Without a trace**_

_**Dream at night**_

_**I can only see your face**_

_**Look around, but**_

_**It's you I can't replace**_

**- Early 'Full Circle -**

He never realised just how lonely his quarters were without her.

It had barely been a week since he had taken residence in the XO's quarters on _Voyager_, and it had been a few days since they had left space dock after the ship had been rebuilt, and he was lonely.

There was so much space in his current quarters, compared to the ones he and B'Elanna had shared prior to their homecoming; it just made him miss his family even more.

*Commander Paris to the Bridge*

Tom smiled, slapping his comm badge and responding with a quick 'On my way'. Work would just provide him with a distraction until he could meet up with his wife and daughter somewhere along their course in the Delta Quadrant.

And then, just maybe, his quarters would feel a little less lonely, and he would be a little less lost.


	26. Not Happening

_**Meredith 'Grey's Anatomy' – **__**We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces.**_

**- Chakotay - post-Resolutions - **

He knew it.

The moment Tuvok hailed them, the second they put their uniforms back on, the instant they were back on the ship and her mask went back on, he knew it.

She was in denial.

And no, not the river flowing through Egypt, as Tom would say if he dared mention it.

Despite what happened during their medically-imposed banishment, the moment she became the Captain again, he knew it would never happen.

He knew _they_ would never happen.

Not if she could help it.

As much as he wanted it to happen, and he could bet the rest of the crew wanted it to happen too, they all knew it wouldn't.

Because she was in denial, even if the feelings were hitting her in the face.

They were not happening, and there was nothing he could do about it.


	27. Miss Nice Engineer

_**I'm trying to be nice**_

_**I'm trying to be reasonable**_

_**But it's oh so hard when I don't wanna be**_

_**If you're looking for that nice girl from the day before**_

_**Don't bother she don't live here any more**_

**- P/T - Workforce -**

He really didn't get it, did he?

She was sitting there, all alone in the pub, and he just _insisted_ on talking to her.

The nerve!

It was why she was staying away from men, especially because of what happened the last time she slept with the male race.

She rubbed her hands over her expanded belly and sighed.

For the sake of balance, she would be polite to him.

But, if he bothered her again tomorrow, there would be hell to pay.

*The next day*

For the love of all things mechanical!

He just didn't get it, and she was going to kill him!

She was over being polite, so when she stood up and showed him her obviously pregnant stomach, she expected him to run for the hills, like every other man who had tried, and failed, to hit on her.

No more Miss-Nice-Engineer. She was frustrated and done with men.

Including this one.

*The following day*

He still didn't get it, the idiotic p'taQ!

Again, he walked up to her, and tried to start a conversation, and again, _again_, she blew him off!

She only accepted his offer to walk her home to shut him up. Kahless knew he wouldn't leave her alone again if she refused him.

*Two days later*

Sitting in their quarters, staring at their wedding photo, she smiled to herself.

Even when they didn't know who the other was, he was protective of her, protective of their daughter.

The thought made her happy; he honoured his fidelity even whilst brainwashed, and that was the best she could hope for.

Now, for his memory to return so she could congratulate him…

Apparently, Miss-Nice-Engineer had returned.


	28. Always

_**I can't bite my tongue forever**_

_**While you try to play it cool**_

_**You can hide behind your stories**_

_**But don't take me for a fool**_

**- Doctor - mid-Season 3 -**

Watching Kes waste her short life loving Neelix was hard.

Harder than it should be, especially for a hologram, but hard nonetheless.

He was taking the time to teach her, first to be his nurse, then more medical knowledge from his extensive databases to become a secondary medic, until she could eventually supplement him as a doctor. And he wasn't doing that out of the goodness of his heart.

He loved her.

Not platonically, like a friend or a sibling, but real love.

True love.

And she didn't reciprocate.

Instead, she was wasting her short life on Neelix, of all people.

That furry, overly positive, overly talkative Talaxian who got on everyone's nerves; and she was wasting her love on him.

It was all he could do to watch over her, to make sure he was always there for her, and to threaten Neelix when he even tried to hurt her.

Eventually, when she was the one to break it off with him, he was hopeful.

But apparently, it was not meant to be.

So, he stood back in the shadows, and watched her as she went about her life. He was there for her, as a teacher, as a friend, as her confidante; he was always there.

Always.

But he couldn't bite his tongue forever.


	29. B-tch

_**You're a bitch but I love you anyway**_

_**You can't sing but you'd put me to sleep**_

_**You're a bitch**_

_**You make me sick but don't ever go away**_

He hated it. Well, technically, he hated her, but he loved her all the same.

Her terrible mood swings, her tone-deaf attempts to sing, her workaholic tendencies; he hated them all.

But they were the things he loved about her.

Then, of course, there was her smile, the one that reached her eyes, and the way that one strand of hair always fell across her forehead, and she blew at it in frustration but still refused to get it cut. Her work ethic never ceased to amaze him, and even though she hardly ever had anything nice to say about most people, the way she talked about her job made him feel… well, he couldn't describe it, but he liked the feeling.

Sure, she could be a little toxic to most people, even him sometimes, but more often, even though he hated her, he couldn't live without her.

The thought of living a single life again, not sharing every minute, every positive thing with her, was enough to make him stressed in ways he shouldn't be, not for a man his age.

So, yeah, she was a bitch; but she was his bitch, and that's all that matters in the end.

It's who you come home to that matters, and when she walks through the door every night, they both smile, and everything is good again.


	30. Battle Scars

_**I wanna kiss you so hard that your lips bleed**_

_**And I wanna hold you so tight that your ribs break**_

_**And in the end we'll both know who we are**_

_**Our bodies full of memories and battle scars**_

**- Paris or Chakotay - post-Dark Frontier -**

It was horrible, seeing them return from their dreaded mission to the Borg sphere, almost fully assimilated, her perfect skin marred by the horrible cybernetic implants that made the Borg so… _evil_.

And it was even worse hearing their voices, _her_ voice, marred by the vocal processor those damn things had installed.

He shook his head sadly, but moved forward to help the Doctor sedate Tuvok.

The poor guy couldn't catch a break, and the sooner they could disconnect his mind from the hive, the better not only his life would be, but the better their chances of saving his mind were.

But when they were beamed in, and she had no hair, his heart broke just that little bit more.

It took all of his self-control not to run back to the Bridge and give the order to destroy the sphere, and it took all of his willpower not to run over and hug her before the Doctor was forced to restrain and sedate her in order to start the de-assimilation process.

As she was laid down on the biobed by whomever the Doctor had roped into being his assistant for this particular assignment, he let the tears spring to his eyes as they ran over the hardware marring her perfect body.

He wanted to hold her in his arms and soothe her, never let anything harmful ever happen to her again, even though she volunteered for the mission. Hell, he wanted to kiss her like there was no tomorrow, shielding her from everything bad in the universe, even though she would shy away at the action.

The next day, when he was finally allowed back into Sickbay, he was relieved to see the majority of the black Borg hardware disappeared from her body, but was instead slightly scarred from its removal. However, her face lit up when she realised he was in the room, and that made his heart smile all over again.

He walked over, more confident after seeing her smile than he had been since they had beamed off the ship so many hours ago, and sat down on the end of her biodbed, resting his hand gently on her leg.

'Hey, good to see you awake and smiling.'

Soon as she returned the sentiment, he knew the universe was right once again.


	31. Collapse

_**I sat down on the street**_

_**Took a look at myself**_

_**Said where you going man**_

_**You know the world is headed for hell**_

_**Say your goodbyes if you've**_

_**Got someone you can say goodbye to**_

**- Chakotay - circa-Full Circle -**

He felt like the world was collapsing all around him. Hell, it probably was, he just didn't know it.

The moment he had been told about her death, he felt the world collapsing all around him.

It was worse than the multiple times they had battled with the Borg over the years, but this time was different.

This time, she had battled with the Borg, and this time she battled the Borg without him.

This time, she lost her life to the Borg.

And the world was collapsing all around him.

He looked down at his feet, seeing the shattered pieces of mirror blending in with the cobblestones, and openly wept for the future the Borg had robbed him, had robbed both of them.

But what was worse, was that the Borg had robbed him of a goodbye.

Earth may have been heading for hell, collapsing around him, but he was already in it.

Without her, he wasn't sure he could move forward.

He wasn't sure of anything without her.

The only thing he was sure of, was that he was less of a man without her.


	32. Freedom

_**Every minute from this minute now**_

_**We can do what we like any where**_

_**I want so much to open your eyes**_

_**Coz I need you to look into mine**_

**- Torres - post-Endgame -**

The air somehow was fresher, smelled sweeter, even though they had been back on Earth for almost two months now.

It was the sweet smell of freedom.

She knew Captain Janeway had fought to the bone for their freedom, and finally, the Admirality had come through.

They were free.

B'Elanna searched the crowd waiting outside the release gates of the Penal Settlement she had occupied until that morning, the very same one her husband had resided in almost a decade before, until she caught his gaze amongst the many people waiting.

She smiled, and it warmed her heart to see his haggard features brighten at the sight of her, as if his eyes had been opened to all that is bright in the world again.

Honestly, that's how she felt.

Then, she saw her tiny, seven-week-old daughter swaddled in Tom's arms.

And she truly felt happy again.


	33. Friends til the End

_**Takes two to get together**_

_**It takes time to make it last**_

_**Sure we'll all end up in some ways**_

_**Like a drink in last night's glass**_

_**But we take this chance together**_

_**Let's not think about the end**_

_**Never mind the strangers**_

_**Coz I'll always be your friend until the end.**_

**- Paris - post-The Chute -**

It was a nightmare, having to deal with that implant whilst they were in that prison, at the mercy of the other inmates and the chute.

It was awful, watching everyone succumb to their emotions, their baser instincts, the Darwinian survival of the fittest theory. It was a fine example of the latter.

It was painful, succumbing to his own instincts, and going mad with that thing in his head. Even after they had been saved, he looked back and flinched at the memories.

The best thing about it was remembering Harry, and everything his best friend had done for him.

He would never forget how Harry had stood up for him, defended him against everyone else while holding out hope for their rescue.

He knew then, that they would be friends forever.

And he toasted Harry in Sandrine's every night for the following year.


	34. Giving Up

_**If your heart won't give**_

_**And only takes**_

_**Then I won't give you mine to break**_

_**For all your words are still so blind**_

**- Chakotay - post-Resolutions -**

They were supposed to be best friends.

So many things had happened whilst they were stranded on the planet, and she wasn't talking to him.

Because they were supposed to be best friends.

But here they were, only talking when it was absolutely necessary, her avoiding him like the plague if possible.

He offered her his heart, and if Tuvok hadn't hailed at that exact moment, she would have given him hers.

But, now she held his heart, but wouldn't give hers in return, even though they were supposed to be best friends.

So, he was giving up.

They were supposed to be best friends, and she was ignoring him.

So, he was giving up on her.

He wasn't going to let her break his heart any more than she already had.


	35. Good for Each Other

_**I do want you to know**_

_**I hold you up above everyone**_

_**And I do want you to know**_

_**I think you'd be good to me**_

_**And I'd be so good to you**_

** - P/T - sometime post-Day of Honor -**

As angry as she was, he always thought she was beautiful.

Yes, they didn't get along whilst he was with the Maquis, before he was arrested.

Actually, that was an understatement. They were a _monumental_ disaster during that time, and that was putting it mildly.

But, being stuck on a tiny ship in the Delta Quadrant had its advantages sometimes, because now, he thought pretty highly of her.

And apparently, she thought pretty highly of him too.

'Paris, what the hell are you doing down here? Engineering is not the place for pilots, Flyboy.'

Tom smiled his most charming grin. 'Oh, Torres, I just came down here to ruffle your feathers, you know that.'

B'Elanna huffed, 'Well, consider my feathers ruffled. You've succeeded in your mission, now get the hell out of my engine room.'

He smiled over his shoulder as he sauntered back to the double doors separating Main Engineering from the corridor and the rest of the ship.

'Good to see you too, B'Elanna. Dinner later?'

He ducked as she threw a hypospanner at his head, chuckling as he quickly ducked out the doors before she had the chance to throw another tool in the general direction of his head.

Yeah, they were gonna do well together, he could tell. They were good for each other.

And maybe, just maybe, he had the Caatati to thank for that.

Even if they did almost kill them.


	36. Leave Her Be

_**Why'd you have to go**_

_**And make me say these things about you**_

_**Why'd you have to turn around**_

_**After all that we've been through**_

**- P/T - Lineage -**

He was elated; they weren't even trying, and she was pregnant!

A little girl, the Doctor accidentally leaked.

They were having a little girl that was half him, and half B'Elanna, a perfect mix of the two of them; one-quarter Klingon, with those cute forehead ridges, and everything that came along with it.

He was past elated; he was ecstatic.

It was only when B'E started… tinkering with the Doctor's programming, and wanting to genetically alter their daughter, that he knew he had to step in.

'Don't you get it? I want her to be part-Klingon! I want her to be just like her mother, because I fell in love with all of her, not just parts! I want her to grow up knowing her heritage. I love you for who you are, and I will love her daughter for who she is, and not what society thinks of her.'

B'Elanna Torres stopped in her tracks. 'What?'

Tom Paris grabbed her by her shoulders, not gently, but not hard enough to provoke her defences. 'I love you for who you are, and I will love her daughter for who she is, because she is a part of us. You don't need to change her, just like you don't need to change yourself.'

'But…' she protested.

'No buts,' he soothed her, gathering her in his arms and rubbing her back. 'I know your childhood wasn't great, and I can't promise that our daughter's won't be the same, but I can promise this: I won't leave you, leave our family, like your father. I'm not him. The Federation has grown, in values and in knowledge, since we were kids. I love you, Klingon half and all.'

B'Elanna smiled into her husband's chest. 'When did you go and make this all about you?' she teased him.

Tom smiled; he knew he had her. 'We've been through enough situations out of our control together; we don't need to add this to our list. We should leave her well enough alone.'

She sighed into his chest, tightening her arms around him. 'Fine, we'll leave her be.'

The pilot hugged her even closer to his body and smiled widely.

Victory for Paris.

For today, at least.


	37. Lingers

_**I'm so tired of being here**_

_**Suppressed by all my childish fears**_

_**And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave**_

_**Cause your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone**_

**- Doctor - mid-Lifesigns -**

He liked Denara, he really did.

If he were more of a man, he would admit that he loved her, and not just the holographic version of her.

Because the more she was around, the more he fell in love with the beautiful version of her, and her personality, even if her real, terribly disfigured body was lying in Sickbay recovering enough to return to the Vidiians.

He almost wished she would leave sooner rather than later, because if she stayed for a longer period of time, he would completely fall for her, and bad things would happen.

Oh, and Schmullus was starting to do him in; the name, and the person calling him it.

Her presence was starting to affect his work, and that wasn't necessarily a good thing.


	38. Making Peace

_**Angel 'Angel' – I see you again, it cuts me up inside, and the person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore, so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way.**_

**- B'Elanna - post-Endgame -**

She knew she had to face him, they owed each other that much, but she really didn't want to.

After that one horrendously awkward conversation courtesy of Project Pathfinder, she had somewhat made peace with her father in that three-minute window.

But now, she was going to actually make peace with him. Face to face. In person, on her own terms.

At least it was a nice day to be outside.

The park wasn't overly crowded, and she easily found a nice spot that was partially shaded and yet was still close to San Francisco Bay but on the bushy grass.

She left Miral sleeping in her stroller, the newborn protected from the sun but still close to her mother.

B'Elanna knew she had to do this alone, which was why she forced Tom to stay away, but she also couldn't resist not taking her baby with her.

'B'Elanna?'

The voice came from behind her, and she was startled for a moment before recognising it. She turned slowly, expecting to see her father standing behind her.

Boy, was she wrong.

Yes, John Torres was standing there, smile on his face, arms open to receive her in a hug.

But his wife and children were there too, and that was not part of her deal.

She stood up, instinctively placing herself within arm's reach of her daughter, instantly wary of the many people in front of her.

'I thought I would bring my family here to meet you. Sabrina has been especially excited to meet her older sister,' he gestured to the younger child, a girl of about thirteen.

'That wasn't the plan,' B'Elanna responded quietly, taking a small step backwards.

'Pardon?'

She cleared her throat, pulling her self-confidence off the ground. 'That wasn't the plan, _Dad_,' she sneered the title at him.

'But, I thought…'

'Well, you thought wrong,' she snapped, becoming more like herself, the woman her husband married. 'You don't know me anymore. You stopped knowing me the day you walked out, so you can't come down here with your new life, your new family, and expect me to do things the way you want to do them.'

She picked up the blanket she'd been sitting on and bundled it into the storage basket of Miral's stroller, preparing to leave the new Torres family behind.

'B'Elanna…'

'Don't. I have my own family now. I don't want or need yours.'

John Torres didn't miss the smirk on his grown daughter's face as she turned and walked away, taking his granddaughter with her.

The girl was just like her mother; too Klingon for him to handle.

So much for making peace.


	39. Missing Things

_**Framed pictures start to be put on the walls**_

_**Constant visits while I'm out on the road**_

_**It's hard to leave sometimes**_

_**But you know where I lay my head at night**_

**- Paris - post-Endgame -**

The hardest thing about commuting to work daily and being a test pilot was the amount of time he _didn't_ spend at home.

Utopia Planetia operated its day on the same time schedule as Headquarters in San Francisco, but he not only tested new engines and spacecraft, he managed both the test pilot division and the Academy's Nova Squadron.

It was hectic. And it cut into his family time.

He felt like his children were growing up without him, his wife was progressing up the ranks without him by her side; he felt like his family was accomplishing so much and he was missing it all.

Sure, he was there for breakfast to say good morning to Miral, Owen and Kitty, but he was normally running out of the house during breakfast time, barely having enough time to kiss them hello before he left. He was home normally late at night after they had gone to bed, and even then, he didn't have much time to spend with B'Elanna before both of them crashed for the night.

Every day, every week, every month, he felt like he was missing out on more and more of his children's lives; Miral was progressing in school, more of Owen's paintings were appearing on his bedroom door, and Kitty seemed to be learning new words and developing new skills as a toddler.

Hell, he missed Owen's first day of school and Kitty's first steps because of his responsibilities.

It was getting harder and harder for him to leave each and every day, but at least, and this was what he told himself to justify they long hours, he would return home every night.


	40. Promise Kept

_**We're the tear in your eyes, we're the blood in your veins**_

_**We're the beat of your heart**_

_**We're the sweat on your face, we're the ones that you chase**_

_**We're the promise that you made**_

**- Janeway - Endgame -**

She remembers the moment she made the promise.

It was their first week in the Delta Quadrant. It was not long after they had destroyed the Kazon's massive ship by sacrificing the Maquis vessel. It was just after they'd become one crew, a Starfleet crew.

She made them the promise, and in this moment, she had fulfilled it.

Looking across the remnants of the transwarp conduit scattered throughout he empty space between _Voyager_ and their welcoming committee of Starfleet vessels, she realised that she had fulfilled the promise.

She looked across the Bridge at the faces surrounding her, those whom had travelled such great distances with her, those she had led across those great distances and through so many conflicts and triumphs and losses.

She had done it all for them, and finally getting home, staring at the ships that had been sent to greet them, she realised that a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

As Tom Paris ran from his post to meet his wife and new daughter in Sickbay, the many expectant faces looked up at hers, and in that moment, she knew that even though they would be going their separate ways, the people she had spent the last seven years with would forever be with her, because they were a part of her.

"Commander, set a course, for home."


	41. Queen of the Castle

_**If you were a king up there on your throne**_

_**Would you be wise enough to let me go**_

_**For this queen you think you own**_

_**Wants to be a hunter again**_

Bed rest sucked.

Sure, she had just pushed an eight-pound baby the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of an orange less than a week ago, and the area was still aching, but it still didn't make bed rest suck any less.

She wasn't one to be inactive for any extended periods of time, especially for medically-induced reasons.

Especially when her husband was treating her like she would break any moment.

Bah, men. They think they rule the world.

She smiled to herself and shook her head. Men; can't live with them, can't live…

She stopped herself. Men did technically rule the world, but it was the women behind them that really did the hard work. They were only really useful for procreation and defence.

This time she giggled to herself, the movements jostling the tiny little girl sleeping on her chest.

'Hush baby, everything's okay, Momma's here.'

As much as she loved her daughter, and the husband who thought he owned her, she couldn't wait to get back to work, back to being the hunter providing for her family.

She smiled; whether he liked it or not, she was the Queen, and the Queen ruled the castle, regardless of him and his tiny thoughts.

Her smile grew wider; she was the undisputed Queen of the Castle, and he knew it.

And there was nothing he could do about it.


	42. Silver Lining

_**Silver lining I bathe in your light**_

_**I'll always believe in your place in my life**_

_**Silver lining I know that I'm right**_

_**I've always believed in your light to shine**_

**- Samantha Wildman - post-Deadlock -**

Samantha held her newborn daughter in her arms, and was totally captivated by the tiny baby, her ten little fingers, ten tiny toes, and three tiny little (horns?).

The circumstances of her birth didn't even cross her mind, because _this_ was her daughter, the tiny half-human she had carried around for far too long, but never long enough.

Slowly, the baby opened her tiny eyes, and Samantha was drawn into the deep blue pools hiding behind her eyelids.

'Oh, Naomi,' she sighed, smiling at the perfect little bundle in her arms.

All of a sudden, she missed her dear husband dearly. Gres should be here with her, with them, but circumstances said otherwise, and cosmic karma was a bitch.

But as the little girl opened her big blue eyes again, Samantha couldn't help but fall even deeper in love with her daughter.

'You really are the silver lining in my life,' she whispered, lowering her face to kiss the baby's crown.

Somehow, the distance between her and her husband seemed just that little bit smaller with the baby now in her arms.


	43. The Moment

_**We're here and now**_

_**But will we ever be again**_

_**Cause I have found**_

_**That all the shimmers in this world**_

_**Is sure to fade away again**_

**- J/C - Before Dishonor -**

Here, right now, in this moment, everything feels right.

There is no Starfleet, no protocols, no rules and regulations to restrict them. There is nothing and no one there to distract them.

They are alone.

And finally, _finally_, everything feels right.

A promise is made; twelve months from now, they will meet again in this spot.

Twelve months is all they'll have to wait, to sort their lives out, to deal with everything they can.

Twelve short, but oh-so-long months, and they will be together forever.

But they can't think about that right now, because right now, in this moment that is _not_ twelve months from now, everything feels right.

But then, the moment is gone.

Time speeds up, the pub door opens to reveal a new patron, the noise rushes back to their ears, and they are aware of just how many people are around them.

He gets up to leave, and turns back to see her one last time.

She smiles at him, a secret smile that says 'Yes, in twelve months I will meet you, come hell or high water.'

He bobs his head once, just a little, and returns that smile that says 'Oh, I know, and I will be here waiting.'

Then, he turns and leaves the Irish pub for good.

She smiles to herself, but cannot wait for the twelve months to pass by just so she can be with him again.

The moment is gone, but their moment is still yet to come.


	44. Too Late

_**Tomorrow comes, sorrow becomes his soul mate**_

_**The damage is done, the prodigal son is too late**_

_**All doors are closed but he's always open**_

_**The re-live time in his mind**_

**- Paris - circa-Full Cirlce -**

The news that his father was dead shocked him.

Yes, last time they spoke they weren't on good terms, and yes, that was majority his fault.

But still, it was his _father_, and he was dead.

And now it was too late to mend anything.

Damn the Borg.

Damn them to eternity.

Tom Paris sighed, looked out the window of his quarters, and ran a hand through his hair.

He was lucky, that he knew.

Harry ended up in a coma after _Voyager_'s contribution to the front line. They lost Doctor Kaz, and the symbiont, among others.

Sixty-three billion people dead.

Sixty. Three. Billion.

And his father was one of them.

Paris sighed again, his eyes not moving from the streaked starscape.

At least the transmission from his father had a chance to be sent before the space station was destroyed.

Thank, well, _some_ god for small miracles.

But still, that video ran on a loop through his mind, time and time again.

At least his wife and daughter were safe, albeit on their own and on the run, but safe nonetheless.

And that was the only thing to help him sleep.


	45. Verbal Sparring

**_Barney Stinson 'How I Met Your Mother' – When I let a day go by without talking to you, that day is just no good_**

**- P/T - pre-Day of Honor -**

It didn't matter that they just about hated each other.

Well, he wasn't sure if hated was the right word.

Loathed, maybe. Despised, absolutely.

They definitely didn't get along well, almost like warring kids in a sandbox.

The barbs they threw at each other were highly amusing, enormously entertaining, and extremely inappropriate for officers on their ship.

But, he mused, they days that went by without either of them talking, sparring or shouting at the other were days he considered not good.

They had a certain… chemistry between them, an infectious spark, and it certainly made for entertaining conversations, but neither of them were ready to admit it.

Oh well, one day.

Until then, their verbal sparring would continue to be their primary source of communication.


	46. Dying Old and Raising Hell

_**Arnold Rimmer 'Red Dwarf' – Only the good die young.**_

**- mid-season 3 -**

'How many times have we cheated death lately?'

For some reason, even though it was approaching 0200, and Alpha shift started in six hours, Sandrine's was fully occupied and full of laughter.

'Too many times to count,' Harry mentioned as he took his turn at pool, failing miserably to shoot the correct ball into a pocket.

'Harry, Harry, Harry,' Tom patted him on the back. 'You should know better than to try and beat the master at pool.'

'I don't see the Captain in here anywhere!' someone shouted from the direction of the bar.

'Shut up Nicoletti!'

'Bite me Torres!'

The group laughed, all throwing good natured and well-intended insults across the room, laughter erupting every few rounds.

'No, but seriously,' Tom leaned up against his pool cue. 'We've been in the Delta Quadrant for what, two and a half years now?'

'Something like that.'

'And we've lived to see every day…'

'More or less…'

'Most of us, anyway,

Tom shrugged. 'Not my point. What I'm trying to say is, after all the crap we've been through, all the enemies we've made, we're all still here. Alive. Together. Shouldn't that mean something?'

'Sure, flyboy,' B'Elanna scoffed. 'We're the lucky ones.'

Everyone laughed, and Tom missed the pocket he was shooting for.

'Some luck,' Tom muttered.

'It means,' Harry waved a finger in front of his face, the synthehol clearly affecting him. 'It means the universe is on our side.'

Everyone laughed again. 'Bullshit, Ensign Eager.'

'What it means,' the Captain's gravelly voice cut through the energy and laughter in the bar, 'is that only the good die young.'

'Then we're headed to hell!' Tom cheered, raising his glass.

'We're already there, flyboy!'

Tom shrugged, knowing the engineer was right.

'At least we're in hell together,' the Captain shrugged, making the crew cheer loudly.

'Amen to that,' Tom smiled. He raised his glass. 'Here's to dying old and raising hell! Cheers!'

The Captain couldn't help but smile and join in the toast. At least they weren't trying to kill each other any more.


	47. Paris Therapy

_**Sometimes you roll the dice on people. That's what we did, all of us, when we signed on this journey. You take what you get. There are too many ways to die out here and the one thing we can't do is kill each other. We're all we have.**_

**- J/P - late Season 1 -**

It wasn't unusual to find people hanging out in Sandrine's, especially on a rare, quiet day of their journey. The French bistro of Tom Paris' creation was the most relaxing place to socialise, other than the Mess Hall, and the French mistress tending bar wasn't hard on the eyes either.

It was, however, unusual to find Kathryn Janeway, out of uniform, hair down, alcoholic beverage in hand, alone and hiding. Many crew felt the woman was all but glued to her command chair, or the ready room, but today was an exception.

When Tom Paris tried to open his favourite place, he was curious to find out who had already activated the program.

He spied her hiding in a booth in the very back of the bar, a sullen look on her face. Sighing, the pilot quickly took proffered drink from the proprietress, before approaching the Captain's table.

'Mind if I join you?'

She looked up from the abyss offered by the ice in the glass and sighed. 'Sure, misery loves company, right?'

Tom chuckled at the weak joke and slid into the booth, careful not to upset either of their drinks. 'So, what's on your mind?'

It took her a moment to draft the reply in her head; Captains have to keep some things to themselves, before she began speaking.

'I was just thinking about the crew, and how far we've come in the past eight months or so.'

Tom could tell from her posture and tone of voice that he was speaking to Kathryn, fellow Starfleet brat, and not the Captain.

'I think it was Seska, and what happened with her, that finally gelled everybody into one crew. People stopped fighting, there's a whole lot less segregation and discrimination, like everybody suddenly accepted each other for who they are, put aside their differences and started working together.'

She paused to take a sip, and Tom could tell she wasn't done.

'We couldn't change the circumstances, not even if we tried, and now everyone's finally come to terms with that. I know I have. Sometimes you have to roll the dice on people. That's what happened to us, when we started this journey. You take what you get, there are too many ways to die out here and the one thing we can't do is kill each other. We're all we have, and I think that's what finally occurred to most people. We have to depend on each other to survive this journey, because we have to make it home.'

Tom nodded and reached out to grab her hand, holding it tightly. 'We'll make it home, just you wait. It's going to take us a few years, but you'll get us there, we have faith in you.'

The gesture warmed her heart and Kathryn smiled. 'Thanks Tom, I needed that.'

'Happy to help,' he gave her his signature smirk. 'Now, go to sleep. We have places to be in the morning.'

'Yes sir,' she replied. 'That we do.'


	48. Scars

_**David Rossi 'Criminal Minds' – Scars show us where we've been, they do not dictate where we're going**_

**- Icheb - future -**

The mirror was not very forgiving as Icheb stood in front of it, most of his clothing discarded on the floor around him. He couldn't help but let his eyes be drawn to the scars littering his torso and arms; not only was there evidence of his growing up with many older and younger brothers, but there were still scars left from the removal of many Borg implants.

It was these scars that haunted him the most.

They reminded him of the horror his parents had put him through, twice no less, before he found safety on _Voyager_.

They reminded him that, to his parents, he was only worth something as a weapon, and not as the Brunali being he identified himself as, that made him unique amongst his peers.

The scars were a reminder of who he was, who he had been created and engineered to be, and had nothing to do with the man he'd become.

'Icheb, come back to bed.'

He smiled into the mirror. That was something else he'd become, Naomi's partner, her best friend, her everything.

And without these scars, he wouldn't have Naomi.

And there wasn't anything he feared more.


	49. Walk Alone

_**I'm walking down the line**_

_**That divides me somewhere in my mind**_

_**On the borderline **_

_**Of the edge and where I walk alone**_

**- Janeway - post-Drive -**

She knew she had to separate herself from the crew, she had to maintain that element of separation, the Captain's Mask; it was vital to ensure the smooth running of the ship.

It also meant she was alone.

As much as she loved to perform the wedding for Tim and B'Elanna, it saddened her that she could never experience a relationship like that for herself whilst she was captain.

She could not allow it; she would not allow it. It wasn't in the best interest of the ship and the crew.

So, she had to walk alone on the other side of the line of separation.

Because everything had to be in the best interest of the ship and the crew.


	50. Wedding Band

_**In the circle of life**_

_**It's the wheel of fortune**_

_**It's the leap by faith**_

_**It's the band of hope**_

_**Till, we find our place**_

**- Technically Any Show/Any Pairing -**

She stared at the gold wedding ring on her finger, thinking of everything it meant, and everything it reminded her of.

She thought back to the day he slipped it on her finger, and she slipped a matching one onto his, their family surrounding them, watching and whistling and a chorus of cheers that they'd 'finally' gone through with it.

She thought back to the time she had to move it from her finger to a chain around her neck, because pregnancy made her fingers swell, and she needed to keep said fingers to do her job.

She thought back to the day she slipped the ring off its chain and back onto her finger, the day their daughter was born. She was holding the tiny baby in her arms while he lovingly returned it to its rightful place.

She thought back to the day she had to slip his off his finger, his cold, stiff finger, because some selfish person had taken him away from her.

Now, as she had to live without him, she stared at his wedding band, sitting in her jewellery box, right next to his favourite watch and her beloved charm bracelet.

The pair of gold rings represented so much; the circle of their relationship, the bond they shared, the symbol of their life together, and even though he wasn't with her any more, she always felt his love, his presence, surrounding her and keeping her safe.


	51. Proud of You

_**JD 'Scrubs' – I guess I came over here to tell you how proud of you I am. Not because you did the best you could, but because after 20 years when things go badly you still take it this hard. I gotta tell you, that's the kind or person I want to be.**_

**- J/P and P/T - Endgame 'future' -**

Kathryn was standing to the side of the room, sipping slowly from a proffered champagne flute, watching the people enjoy the festivities happening around them.

It was the same type of thing every year.

The press would attend. The former crew would attend. They would bring their immediate families, and everybody would coo over the children and how much they'd grown.

It was the same type of thing every year.

She knew she was hiding in the corner, lacking a partner to converse and joke with; he'd been the last one they'd lost, and she'd never recovered from it.

They were also missing one more person; Tuvok had officially fallen victim to his neurological disease and had passed away only days prior to their twenty-year reunion.

His loss was the one to hit her the hardest ever since they'd lost Chakotay.

'It isn't polite for the star of the night to be hiding over here in the corner, you know,' Tom Paris appeared out of nowhere, his wife and daughters uncharacteristically missing from his side.

'Yeah well,' she shrugged. 'I wanted to wallow in sorrow on my own, for once.'

'I get it,' Tom murmured. 'To lost friends,' he raised his glass.

'And lost chances,' she clinked his in return. They drank in silence, thinking back on the actions they could have changed, outcomes that could gave ended differently.

'I know you didn't come over here to talk about the friends we've lost, Tom,' Kathryn smirked. She could always see right through him.

'Yeah, well,' Tom sighed. 'I guess I came over here to tell you how proud of you I am,' he said quietly, dropping his voice so everyone else couldn't hear them.

'Oh Tom,' Kathryn let out a breath. She thought he was about to bear some bad news. 'Proud of me? How?'

'Lots of reasons, really,' he shrugged. 'But it all comes down to lost friends. I'm proud of you, not because you did the best you could, but because after 20 years when things go badly you still take it this hard. I gotta tell you, that's the kind or person I want to be, you know, when I grow up.'

And, with that comment, the moment was ruined. Kathryn laughed, moving to elbow her former pilot as hard as she could. B'Elanna walked up to stand by her husband, overhearing the end of the conversation, and couldn't help having the last word.

'That was sweet Tom,' she smiled. 'And then you had to open your big mouth.'

'That's what she said.'

Apparently not.


	52. What Doesn't Kill Us

_**Perry Cox 'Scrubs' – You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: Couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something.**_

**- P/T - Scientific Method -**

They were lucky the Captain was feeling as lousy as she was, because if she was healthy, Tom Paris knew he and B'Elanna would be in so much more trouble than the light slap in the wrist they'd been given.

It was their fault they'd been caught, though. Making out like teenagers in a Jeffries tube was just asking for them to be discovered.

The fact that their discoverer was Seven of Nine, well… that stung even more.

Paris and Torres stood at attention whilst the Captain was chewing them out, all the while rubbing her temple distractedly. Once she'd finally dismissed them, the chastised pair couldn't help but keep their straight faces until they'd entered the corridor before bursting out in laughter.

'It's like… it's like, she was ashamed of us,' Tom chuckled. 'Like we're her kids and she walked in on us.'

'Well,' B'Elanna exclaimed. 'Screw her! Screw her and her feelings and her emotions and her damn headache! We're stuck out here for the next seventy years or so, we might as well make the best of it.'

'Yeah, just because she can't admit her feelings for Chakotay doesn't mean the rest of us have to suffer.'

'And suffer we won't!'

They came to a stop outside his quarters, leaning up against the bulkhead just out of sensor range for the door. 'I'm glad I have you,' he murmured, stroking his fingers down her face.

'Me too.'

'And,' he waved a finger between their faces, 'we can't let any of this,' he waved his other hand around, 'take us down. This… this crap that we wade through…'

'What doesn't kill us makes us stronger,' she smiled.

'Yeah,' Tom realised.

And then he kissed her.


	53. Whatever Helps You Sleep At Night

_**When I leave this planet**_

_**You know I'd stay but I just can't stand it**_

_**And I can feel the warning signs**_

_**Running around my mind**_

**- Chakotay - pre-series -**

Having the Cardassians there was ruining the feel of Dorvan V. He knew it, his family knew it, the community knew it, and yet, most of them stayed.

He was vehemently against the Cardassian Peace Treaty; it wasn't really a treaty at all, just an excuse to shut up the race that had been driven off Bajor and needed new planets to plunder.

He knew having them there would be a bad idea, and from the moment they materialised on the surface, in the middle of the town common area, weapons raised, his worst fears were confirmed.

It was only by sheer dumb luck that he managed to survive the initial 'festivities', as the Cardassians called it. The mass murder their new oppressors committed was horrendous, and he was more and more thankful every day he managed to survive. It was only by a scheduling conflict that he was even on Dorvan V in the first place.

He resigned his commission and joined the Maquis the first chance he had, the first Maquis crew he came across.

He told himself it was to avenge his father, his mother, his childhood friends. He tried not to think about the sister he left behind, the revulsion that was the Cardassians that Sekaya had to deal with.

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

So, when he left the planet he called home for so many years growing up, he knew the next time he returned, if he ever did, it wouldn't be the same.

Nothing ever was the same after the Cardassians came through and made their mark.

Bajor was evidence of that.

So, when he left the planet, the warning signs and precedence running through his mind, he knew he had to do something to help.

Or, something to protest.

Whatever helps you sleep at night.


	54. Winning and Losing

_**First Doctor 'Doctor Who' – To lose is to win, and he who wins shall lose.**_

**- P/T and P/K - post-Drive -**

'So, you lost.'

Tom sighed and shook his head. He and B'Elanna had been back on the ship for less than an hour, and already Harry was dogging him.

'Yeah, we lost the race,' he said, rubbing his face with his right hand. 'No big deal.'

'No big deal?' Harry exclaimed. "No big deal! You were going to win! It is a huge deal!'

Tom shrugged again. 'The engine we were given had been sabotaged, so we dropped it in that nebula and survived rather than winning the race just to blow up everyone when we crossed the finish line. So we stopped.'

The realisation dawned on Harry quickly. 'So you stopped.'

'Yeah.'

They continued walking to the Mess Hall in silence, the best friends comfortable in each other's company.

'So, what took you so long to get back?'

'You mean other than having a shuttle with no engine?'

'Yeah, other than that.'

Tom smiled. 'Well, to lose is to win, and he who wins shall lose.'

Harry stopped, completely puzzled by the roundabout saying. 'Huh?'

'Harry, Harry, Harry,' he pat the younger man on the back. 'You really don't pay attention, do you?' Tom walked into the Mess Hall, leaving Harry behind.

'Hang on a minute!' the ensign chased after his best friend. 'What's that on your hand?'

'There's nothing on my hand, Harry,' Tom raised his right hand. 'See?'

'No idiot, your other hand; your left hand.'

'Oh this?' he pointed to his wedding ring.

'Yeah, that.'

Tom shrugged. 'You win some, you lose some. I may have lost the race, but personally, I won something better.'

'What did you win?'

'Me, Starfleet.'

Harry's jaw dropped as B'Elanna approached from behind, wrapping her arms around Tom, their hands joining on his chest.

'You got married? Without telling me?'

'We're telling you now, aren't we?'

'It's not the same!'

Tom couldn't help it, he burst out laughing. 'I knew he'd take it this way! Pay up, Torres.'

'In your dreams, flyboy. You already won me, that's enough for one day.'


	55. You're the One

_**You're still the one I run to**_

_**The one that I belong to**_

_**You're still the one I want for life**_

_**You're still the one that I love**_

_**The one that I dream of**_

_**You're still the one I kiss good night**_

**- P/T - post-Endgame -**

She didn't realise just how much of a bubble they'd been living in until they'd materialised back on Earth at Starfleet Headquarters.

Here, clutching a newborn Miral to her chest, they were surrounded by all types of Starfleet officers, from the top of the Admirality to the lowly ensign on transporter duty.

The shock of the people there to greet them, all wearing updated uniforms and giant smiles, was enough to make her wish they were still in the Delta Quadrant, thousands of lightyears away from home, battling and fighting to survive any way they could.

The reality was so… different.

And it made her miss _Voyager_ and their small, one-hundred-fifty-ish family that much more.

She was gratified to have her husband by her side, though, knowing his father, Admiral Paris will have them whisked away as soon as possible.

They, the senior officers, were ushered into a large reception hall where a throng of reporters from all reaches of the Quadrant were waiting for them. It was overwhelming to hear the loud cheers erupt as they walked in, and the sudden influx of noise woke the infant secured firmly against her breast.

'Shhh, honey,' B'Elanna whispered to her daughter. 'They're all happy we're home. What a wonderful way to celebrate for your birthday, hey.'

Amidst all the activity, neither she nor Tom noticed a woman sidle up to his side and wrap her arms around him before pulling him into a passionate kiss. Although she could see her husband protesting the invasion of his personal space, B'Elanna mostly saw red.

'What do you think you're doing?' she pulled the perky, buxom blonde forcibly off her husband.

The officers stopped in their tracks, most of them standing supportively around B'Elanna, ready to protect one of their own against persons unknown.

'She was just leaving,' Tom spoke quietly in the blonde's direction, his voice full of venom. 'Weren't you, Rochelle?'

The woman stuttered, looking back and forth between Tom, B'Elanna and the baby. 'But Tommy, I wanted to be the first to…'

'To what, Rochelle? Meet my wife and daughter, because here they are. Or my commanding officers, my best friend, and the people we've spent the last seven years with, because they're all here, and they're all on my side.

'You should remember, we broke up ten years ago, Rochelle. You don't have the right to anything Paris anymore.'

The blonde huffed and walked away, none-too-gently escorted by Security, and Tom turned back to his wife.

'Remember, you and only you, B'E. You're the one I chose.'

Kathryn chuckled and shook her head, breaking up the moment between her Chief Helmsman and Chief Engineer. 'Alright people, nothing to see here. Let's get along with the real show, shall we?'

And B'Elanna never doubted her husband's faith again.


	56. Cry On Me

_**Marshall Mann 'In Plain Sight' – No, it isn't after the kind of ordeal you went through, happy is wrong, this is how you're supposed to feel, your brains all jumbled up trying to sort things out, try to roll with it, let it do what it needs to do, just let it flow like a river.**_

**- B'Elanna/Miral Mother/Daughter - future -**

B'Elanna looked up from the schematics she was studying on a console when the front door slammed, followed shortly by quick and heavy footsteps pounding up the stairs.

'Miral, honey, is that you?'

A door slammed on the second floor of their San Francisco townhouse, and the engineer knew it was her eldest daughter home, and that something had happened at the Academy that week. Miral was a senior at Starfleet Academy, and therefore was allowed off campus on weekends. Her younger brothers, Owen and James, were still plebes, and therefore weren't allowed off campus until semester break.

B'Elanna Torres sighed heavily, leaving her work on the office desk to chase after her daughter, her only daughter, knowing if someone didn't talk to her, the depression she was likely sinking in to would last longer than what is healthy or necessary.

'Miral, honey,' she tapped on her daughter's bedroom door, poking her head into the darkened room. 'Are you oaky?'

'Go away!' Miral shouted into her pillow. 'I don't want to talk about it.'

The engineer knew a cry for help when she heard one, and entered the bedroom. She carefully sat on the bed next to Miral's head, leaning against the wall, placing a hand on her daughter's shoulder.

She sat there, listening to her daughter sob into her pillow, showing her silent support the only way she knew how, or would be accepted by the troubled young woman.

Miral wasn't really that young anymore; being a senior at the Academy meant she would be celebrating her twenty-fourth birthday during her first year of service after graduation.

But her age didn't stop her from being B'Elanna's little girl.

'Oh Mom,' Miral sobbed, moving her face to her mother's lap. 'Boys are so stupid.'

'I know honey,' she smiled. 'I used to think the same thing about your father.'

Both women laughed; after so many years together, Tom and B'Elanna still fought like they did on Voyager, and it was still as amusing as ever when he acted younger than the twins.

'He broke up with me because I wouldn't sleep with him,' Miral spoke softly, burrowing closer into her mother. 'Mom, when I said no, he called me a frigid bitch unworthy of my Klingon heritage.'

'Oh, baby,' B'Elanna ran a hand through Miral's hair. 'A boy liked that is one not worthy of your time or your affections.'

'Then why does it hurt so much?' she started crying again. 'Why do I hate him and love him at the same time?'

'Baby, boys do that to a girl, unfortunately,' B'Elanna smiled. 'It sucks, I know, but they worm their way into our hearts, our lives, make themselves important to us. When they leave or we banish them from our company, they wreak havoc on our emotional wellbeing, and our brains jumble everything together trying to figure everything out.

'But, until that happens, you can cry on me.'

And cry Miral did.


	57. Drawing Attention

_**Al Bundy 'Married With Children' – Love is not only blind but stupid**_

**- C/T, implied P/T - pre-Fair Haven -**

'Why are men such idiotic p'taQ's?'

Chakotay spit out the mouthful of tea he was attempting to drink before B'Elanna sprang the comment on him as she approached his table in the Mess Hall.

'Excuse me?'

'Well, present company included, of course,' she smiled as she sat down.

'What did he do this time?' Chakotay sighed, knowing exactly who the engineer was talking about.

'What didn't he do,' she groaned, pulling his unfinished meal in front of her and digging her fork in. 'What in the name of Kahless is this?'

Chakotay laughed. 'Apparently we have an excess of leola root in the stores; Neelix has been experimenting.'

'Evidently,' Torres pushed the plate away. 'Neelix needs to look through some historical databases. I'm sure some chefs in history can have some ideas for making leola root slightly more… palatable.'

'I'm not sure that suggestion would go over well with our fine chef,' the commander scoffed. 'Should we make Tom bring it up?'

Hearing her partner's name made B'Elanna scoff again, reminding her of the reason she sought out her old friend in the first place. 'He deserves to be yelled at by Neelix.'

'Do I need to give him double duty in Sickbay again?'

'No,' she sighed. 'It wasn't that bad,' she trailed off.

'But…'

'But he's been spending so much time in the holodeck lately, in that 'Fair Haven' program, he's missed four dates in three days, and the only thing he has to say is that he keeps losing track of time!'

She turned to her friend, deeply offended at his chuckling. 'What, you think this is funny?'

'Oh, B'Elanna,' he tried, and failed, to stop laughing. 'Love is not only blind, but stupid.'

'What's that supposed to… oh,' it dawned on her. 'I already knew he was a stupid idiot, but I never wanted to sink to his level.'

'You just need to make him realise what he's missing, then he'll be around so much you'll have to force him back to the holodeck,' Chakotay shrugged. 'I suggest using your body and a deliberate lack of clothing.'

'Well, that should certainly catch his attention,' she smiled and stood up. 'Thanks, Chakotay.'

'Any time,' he responded as she walked away. 'Let me know if he needs extra time with the Doc.'

B'Elanna chuckled as she exited the Mess Hall; she knew just how to draw her blind, idiotic boyfriend's attention back to what really mattered, and tonight was the night to do it.


	58. Nothing Else Matters

_**JD 'Scrubs' – If I had the choice of hanging out with anyone in the entire world or sitting at home with you eating a pizza and watching a crappy TV show, I'd choose you every time.**_

**- P/T - post-Unimatrix Zero -**

It didn't matter to her that they'd seen this particular cartoon many times before.

It didn't matter that she'd been up since 0500, and was running on about three hours sleep.

It didn't matter that they'd both worked long days trying to escape the Borg's latest attempt at assimilation and/or destruction.

None of it mattered, even though she was bone tired and hormonal, because they were alive, and they were together.

There they sat, curled up together on the couch, in the quarters they had recently combined, eating pizza and watching cartoons in comfortable silence. Nothing else mattered, because there was nowhere she'd rather be.

* * *

**I hope you're enjoying this look into Voyager and her crew... and some of the moments we all wish were real. Please leave a review on your way out, I'd love to hear your thoughts, suggestions, or any moment you'd like to see. I can try and work things in...**


	59. Emotional Release

_**Spock 'Star Trek' – I have noted, the 'healthy' release of emotion is frequently very unhealthy for those closest to you**_

**- Torres/Tuvok - Juggernaut -**

The meditation sessions with Tuvok were really starting to get on B'Elanna's nerves.

It wasn't the meditation sessions themselves; no, she'd tried many forms of meditation before, and this Vulcan crap was not that much different.

No, it was Tuvok and his damn Vulcan logic that was killing her.

'Focus on the flame,' he'd told her. 'See the light that is your breath.'

She tried, oh how she tried, but she wasn't a damn Vulcan, for Kahless' sake!

'You know what, Tuvok?' she dropped her hands to her sides. 'I don't think this is working very well.'

'Maybe you are not trying hard enough,' he did not break his gaze from the meditation candle. 'You must learn to handle your emotions.'

'Maybe my emotions aren't meant to be handled,' she threw back at him, raising to her feet to pace across his quarters.

That was enough to pull his focus. 'Very well then, Lieutenant; I shall report to the Captain and the Commander that you have given up on this endeavour.'

She turned from her position near the window to look at him. 'And here I was thinking a little emotional release was healthy.'

'I have noted, Lieutenant, that the 'healthy' release of emotion is frequently very unhealthy for those closest to you, especially your fellow engineers.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

Tuvok returned his gaze to the flame, letting himself relax into the meditative state he had perfected over the years. 'It means, while emotional release can be healthy, it may not always be conducive to the work environment and the smooth running of your department.'

B'Elanna Torres froze, Tuvok's words hitting home. She mulled over them silently for a moment, before sinking to her knees in a position mirroring his.

'Lieutenant?' Tuvok was unsure as to what had just occurred.

'Hush, I'm trying to see the light that is my breath.'

If he weren't such a master of his emotions, Tuvok may have cracked a smile.


	60. What Makes You Happy

_**Fry 'Futurama' – I have to do what makes you happy, not what makes me happy.**_

**- P/T - late Season 7 -**

Again, they were arguing, and again, he wasn't sure why, he'd simply tuned out most of the tirade.

Well, he was kind of sure; it was mostly his fault she was now carrying their daughter. He just had to deal with the mood swings and hormonal shit-storms and everything else that was going to happen until their little bundle of quarter-Klingon joy made her grand entry.

'Well, don't you have anything to say for yourself?'

_Hmmm, well_, he thought. _I have a lot of things to say, but none of them will keep a certain appendage attached to my body._

'I love you,' he tried confidently.

She growled and threw her hands up in the air; he knew he'd won for the moment, but she was just gearing up for the next round.

He was only half listening to her current rant, instead perusing a report from the Gamma shift Conn officer, but looked up when her voice stopped.

'Well?' she demanded.

'B'E,' he sighed, leaving the report on the table to grab his pregnant wife around the waist. 'I only want what makes you happy, because I have to do what makes you happy; what makes me happy doesn't matter, because you and our little girl are the most important things to me.'

He could see the tension, anger and frustration drain out of her in that moment. 'Really?'

'Oh, B'E,' he pulled her in for a hug. 'Your wellbeing, and our daughter's wellbeing, will always be more important to me than anything I need, unless it's you I need.'

'Thanks, Tom,' she whispered, pulling out of his arms.

'Anytime.'

She smiled up at him and was lost in his eyes for a moment.

'So, how about some pizza and cartoons?' she asked.

Tom smiled; it was like she could read his mind. 'As long as it's what makes you happy.'

'It is,' she smiled back. 'Tonight, it will make me very happy.'


	61. Finding Trouble

_**Harry Potter 'Prisoner of Azkaban' – I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.**_

**- J/P/K - Survival Instinct -**

'Why is it whenever something happens, it's always you two at the centre of it?'

The two men, both officers no less, standing in front of her, were in trouble once again. She wasn't entirely sure what had happened to land them in front of her this time, as the Security report had been a little… lacking in details.

At least both men knew her well enough to stand at attention in silence while she dealt with them.

'Needless to say, shore leave has been cancelled for both of you, as I'm sure you've already guessed.' She knew she had to say it. Tom Paris and Harry Kim, while amusing entertainers, were skating on thin ice with her because of this latest display of manliness, and there was not a whole lot she could do about it.

'Do you have anything to say for yourselves?'

She tried as hard as she could to keep a straight face while the boys, they could only be described as such, shared a quick look.

'Well, Captain,' Tom said, falling at ease. 'I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.'

Kathryn lost her battle with laughter as she kicked them unceremoniously out of her ready room. One day, those boys would be the death of her.


	62. Wedding Toast

_**Marshall Mann 'In Plain Sight' – Here's to the best friend I've ever had, could ever hope to have, a girl whom no man will ever be good enough, I hope you know that… I love you and I wish for you nothing but a lifetime of happiness.**_

** - Kim/Paris/Torres - post-Drive -**

He was annoyed that they were robbed of a wedding ceremony, robbed of seeing them affirm their feelings and set forward on a different path on their journey home.

He was annoyed, until someone let it slip to Neelix exactly what had happened, and before anyone knew it, a party was being planned.

Said party was thrown together in less than a day; they had to be ready by the time the Delta Flyer returned to the ship, otherwise both guests of honour would refuse to show up at their own party.

'And here they are, the happy couple!'

Harry turned as Neelix announced Tom and B'Elanna's arrival in the Mess Hall; it was well decked out for a party despite the lack in planning time. A smile appeared on the ensign's face as his two best friends approached him at the podium that had been set up.

'Harry, what's this?' Tom asked, snagging a glass of champagne from a nearby table.

'Why, your wedding celebration, of course,' Harry smiled.

'Harry, you didn't…'

'Now you stop right there, B'Elanna Torres… or is it B'Elanna Paris now?'

The surrounding people laughed; apparently, the speech had begun.

'Of course we had to throw you two a party; you're the inspirational couple. If you two can last what the Delta Quadrant has to throw at us, then the rest of us can have hope.'

Again, the crowd chuckled before falling silent and gathering closer.

'When we met, we were all different people, but over the years, we've become a family. I'm proud to say we've grown into better people, and it's not just a product of being together for every single minute of these past six years…'

'Get a move on, Harry,' Tom jokingly called out, one arm around his wife's shoulders.

'Yeah, yeah, Paris, just you wait,' he smirked at his best friends. 'If you could all raise your glasses; here's to the best friend I've ever had, could ever hope to have, a girl whom no man will ever be good enough, I hope you know that… I love you and I wish for you nothing but a lifetime of happiness.'

'Aww, thanks Harry,' B'Elanna smiled, elbowing Tom in the gut quickly.

'Oh, and Tom, if you ever hurt her, I'm sure if she doesn't kill you first, you'll wish she had.'

The look on the pilot's face was enough to wipe the serious feeling from the room.

'To Tom and B'Elanna, it's been a long time coming. Cheers!'

As he drank the champagne, Harry watched the newly married couple kiss softly, and he wondered when, if ever, he would have someone to share his life with like they did.

But, for now, it didn't matter, because it was time to celebrate.


	63. Finer Moments

_**Dr Kelso 'Scrubs' – Nothing worth having comes easy**_

**- Janeway/Torres friendship - implied P/T - future -**

They couldn't help it; official functions, especially ones where they were technically the centre of attention, bored them to tears; so they hid in a corner behind champagne flutes.

What initially began as a mission to hide from everyone who wanted to meet them and or shake their hands, very quickly turned to a catch up and gossip session between two women who were so busy during the workdays they never really had a chance to see each other often.

It was the same routine every reunion, awards ceremony or general get-together of more than the former senior staff.

'Oh, I hate these types of things,' Kathryn sighed. 'It's the same thing every year, and it stopped being fun over a decade ago.'

B'Elanna smirked and shook her head. 'Yeah, I know how that feels. Did you know Miral broke up with her boyfriend last week?'

'Well, yeah,' Kathryn smiled over the rim of her flute. 'Who do you think introduced them? Not one of my finer moments, I must say. The useless idiot has been a junior on my staff since he graduated, and he had yet to impress me with anything useful.'

'Then why did you introduce him to my daughter?' B'Elanna threw her hands up in mock rage.

'I didn't do it on purpose,' Kathryn replied in the same, whining-teenager voice. 'She happened to be visiting her favourite godmother when the functioning moron was covering Ensign Petersen's paternity leave. It wasn't my fault his pick-up lines worked.'

'And I thought I taught her better than that,' the half-Klingon sighed.

'Well,' Kathryn smirked. 'Not all relationships can be as easy, or star crossed, as yours and Tom's.'

'Nothing worth having comes easy,' B'Elanna scoffed. 'You of all people know that, considering you witnessed some of our… let's call them 'finer' moments.'

A sudden burst of applause curtailed that particular conversation, drawing their attention to the other hundred-or-so people in the ballroom. Both were unsurprised to find Tom Paris at the centre of attention, and both shook their heads at his animated storytelling.

'Apparently someone is keen to re-enact one of those 'finer' moments right now,' the younger woman shook her head.

'Still sure he's worth having?'

'Well,' she shrugged. 'It's too late to do anything about him now.'


	64. Terrified

_**Jack O'Neill 'Stargate SG-1' – Yeah, well. That's kind of a human thing. We tend to be afraid of things we don't know.**_

**- Torres/Janeway friendship - future -**

'Why the hell did we agree to do this?'

Kathryn smiled into her glass of wine, knowing this exclamation wasn't the first or last of the day's festivities.

'And what are you smiling about?'

The look on B'Elanna's face at Kathryn's smug grin was worth the tongue-lashing she was about to receive.

'Here I am, on my first day home from Utopia Planetia in almost three months, and the house is filled with raucous toddlers, only one of which is my own! And you're hiding in my kitchen drinking wine while I'm chasing after them, trying to make sure they don't hurt each other or themselves!

'I'm not entirely sure how I was roped into this, but I want out. Now.'

Kathryn couldn't help it; she laughed at the younger woman's outburst. She was acting like the toddler she was chasing, and the former Captain was amused to no end.

'Give me that,' B'Elanna snatched the wine from Kathryn, downing the entire serve in one gulp.

'Feel any better?' Kathryn finally spoke, the humour evident in her voice.

'Not much,' B'Elanna growled. 'How do they have so much energy? I've been chasing after them for almost two hours; I'm exhausted, and they're still going. I'm almost frightened of what happens next.'

Kathryn reached into a cupboard above both of their heads and produced another bottle of wine, bringing a second glass with it. 'More wine?'

'Yes please.'

'They'll crash eventually,' Kathryn smiled at the younger woman's eagerness as she poured the Pinot Noir.

'That's what I'm afraid of.'

'Yeah, well. That's kind of a human thing. We tend to be afraid of things we don't know, especially when children are involved.'

'Well, if that's the case,' B'Elanna sighed into her wine glass, looking out the window to the children. 'I'm terrified of them.'

'Aren't we all,' Kathryn chuckled. 'Aren't we all.'


	65. Her Burden to Bear

_**Jonathan Archer 'Enterprise' – I can't try to save humanity without holding on to what makes me human.**_

**- J/C - post-Equinox -**

'Kathryn, I'm almost ashamed of you.'

Chakotay's words still haunted her, even though the remnants of _Equinox_ were close to a dozen lightyears behind them.

The fight between them was, she had to say, one of her least memorable moments.

She was ashamed of herself, and for the sake of their relationship, she hoped he knew it.

She was glad she had completely stooped to the levels Captain Ransom had resorted to; even she had standards, not that her latest behaviour would dictate that.

Kathryn sat on the comfortable lounge in her Ready Room, leaning on one arm as she stared at the warped starscape on the other side of the window, thinking back to a conversation she'd had with Ransom.

He'd demonstrated just how the creatures assisted in their journey, making it easier to travel the thousands of lightyears back to the Alpha Quadrant in less time than conventional methods.

He'd shown her how to adapt _Voyager_'s engines so they could make the journey too.

And she'd stopped him there.

'But why, Captain? Why waste the rest of your lives on a journey you won't be able to see the end of?'

'Because, Captain,' she spat his rank at him. 'I can't in good faith try to save my crew without holding on to what makes me, what makes _us_, human. Unlike some people, I can't sacrifice my morals and values like that.'

Now, even though Ransom had gone down with his ship, Kathryn could still feel the guilt weighing heavily on her mind.

This burden would be one she'd bear for a long time.


	66. Serious Grovelling

_**Dean Winchester 'Supernatural' – I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. Y'know, I let Dad down, and now I guess I'm supposed to let you down too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do?**_

** - P/T - post-Alice -**

He was fully expecting the reprimand, and the punishment that went along with it. He was also resigned to the fact that the Captain was disappointed in him, again, but at least this time she didn't demote him and sentence him to thirty days in the brig as a lesson.

What he was not expecting, however, was the judging from B'Elanna.

On some level, he should have known it was going to happen; he'd blown off enough dates whilst under Alice's influence to aggravate her on a good day.

'Thomas Eugene Paris!'

The near-scream when she entered Sickbay was enough to make him cower behind the Doctor, although the hologram was having nothing of it.

'I can't believe you! After everything we've been through, you'd throw away our relationship for some… some… some AI in a shuttle!'

The Doctor threw his hands up, muttering something about not being a bodyguard or a shield, and walked back to his office; the lieutenants, very used to his mumblings, ignored the hologram.

Tom scrubbed a hand down his face. 'B'E, I'm sorry,' he whispered. 'I never meant to hurt you, or leave you out. It's just, the shuttle… Alice… she took over, well, everything. I had no control over her…'

'I know that,' B'Elanna sighed. 'It's just… you were acting like that cocky asshole I met in the Maquis, and knowing that you'd thrown away everything you'd become, everything we'd worked towards, well… I was disappointed to say the least.'

That declaration was one that hurt.

'B'E…'

'You let me down, Tom.'

'I guess that's what I do,' he threw his hands in the air. 'I let down the people I love. Y'know, I let Dad down, and now I guess I'm supposed to let you down too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do?'

He had turned away from her, but when she didn't respond, he turned to look at the woman he'd previously considered his girlfriend.

'What?' he was exasperated. 'Say something.'

'You love me?' her voice was barely louder than her breath.

Tom stopped in his path. 'That's what you got from that?'

'What? You don't love me?'

'Of course I love you! I love you more that I've loved anyone, ever!' he grabbed her forearms. 'B'Elanna, I love you so much it hurts, and I'm so sorry to cause you this much pain.'

The engineer took his hands in her own. 'Tom, did you learn your lesson from this experience?'

'Yes…'

'Then that's all I ask. We've come out better on this side of conflict, you've learned from your mistakes; it's time to move on.'

'So, you're not disappointed in me anymore?' he asked hopefully.

'Oh Tom,' she looked at him. 'You're going to have to do more than that to make it up to me,' B'Elanna smiled before walking out of sickbay.

Tom stood there for a moment, stunned, before running after her his smile growing wider every second. He had some serious grovelling to do.


	67. Lesson in Humanity

_**James Kirk 'Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan' – How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life.**_

**- Doctor/Kes - post-Latent Image -**

He chose to hide in his office, avoiding everyone and everything after his almost-deathbed confession.

The cascade failure had brought about several memories he had never seen before, and after the Captain had Lieutenant Torres stabilise said memories, and his holographic matrix, he wasn't entirely sure how he was dealing with everything.

The Doctor sat back in his chair, all thoughts of work now forgotten, and took a moment to recall his feelings during this time of repressed memory.

He could see why the Captain chose to hide the memories from him, even agreed with her decision on some part, but it was also another demonstration of just how different he was from the rest of the crew… the organic crew.

'Doctor, how we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life.'

The Doctor turned around upon hearing the familiar, slightly musical voice, in Sickbay. He hadn't heard this voice in over a year, not since her departure from the ship, and it was a welcome sensation.

'Kes?' he called, knowing she wasn't there, but wanting to make sure anyway.

He was correct, the young Ocampan woman was nowhere to be found, but still he heard her voice running through his mind.

He stopped to think about what she said, and realised that what the Captain had done was something many of the crew wish they could have done to themselves, but could not _because_ they were organic.

It was a lesson in humanity for him to learn, and he was glad that Kes could be the one to teach him, so long after her departure.


	68. Losing Side

_**Malcolm Reynolds 'Firefly' - May have been the losing side, still not convinced it was the wrong one.**_

**- Tom Paris - Thirty Days -**

The Brig was a very good place for thinking, especially when sentenced to solitary confinement with no visitation.

Tom Paris spent many a moment thinking back on a lot of things during his thirty days; his childhood, his father, his childhood aspirations, his current aspirations.

He wrote many a letter to his father during his confinement, though only one was saved and marked for transmission. Truth be told, he also wrote apology letters to the Captain and the rest of the senior officers, though it was even more unlikely said officers would receive the letters.

He had the opportunity to think back on his actions at Monea, and came to the same conclusion every time. Despite the consequences, his defiance of direct orders, and what everyone else thought, he realised that while he may have been on the losing side of the equation, he was still not convinced it was the wrong side.

He did, however, have the previous twenty-nine days, twenty-three hours and fourteen minutes to come to said conclusion.

It was because he chose the losing side he had enough time to debate it with himself.


	69. Playing Scared

_**Dumbledore 'Harry Potter' – Fear of a name increases fear of a thing itself**_

**- Naomi Wildman - Haunting of Deck 12 -**

It was scary for Naomi, being on the ship, restricted to the cargo bay with only the Borg children and Neelix for company. They'd been speculating the real reason for the powering down of the ship, her and Mezoti mainly, ever since the Captain announced what was happening without giving any details.

So, here they were sitting, around a lamp, with only each other and Neelix for company. Now, she loved her godfather, she really did, but sometimes there was only so much of him she could take.

And now was one of those times.

She was playing along with the 'ghost' story, because Deck 12 really was haunted, but she was old enough to know better. Ever since her mom almost died on that away mission, she had grown up a little more, and was continuing to grow and mature faster. She thought it was a good thing, especially when she was around Mezoti, Azan and Rebi. Icheb, however, always treated her with respect and she felt older around him.

But right now, she was expected to act like a child her physical age, not one of her maturity.

And that meant being afraid of the thing haunting Deck 12, because fear of a name increases fear of a thing itself, and according to her mother, this situation required her to act like a child.

So, she sat with the other children, listening to Neelix spin his tale, and acted as best she could to be scared.

Even though Neelix was laying it on a little thick, because the real Borg were definitely more scary than some ghost haunting Deck 12.

Someone had to be mature here, because the grown-ups certainly weren't.


	70. Passing Darkness

_**Samwise Gamgee 'The Lord of the Rings' – But in the end it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must **__**pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something, even if you were too small to understand why.**_

**- Naomi Wildman - future -**

Naomi sat on the edge of her bed in her quarters at Starfleet Academy, looking out the window at the lovely, warm and sunny day outside. She was missing the sunshine, but having spent most of her formative years aboard _Voyager_, she didn't immediately rush outside at her first opportunity like her roommate.

She was still in her first year at the Academy, even though final exams were only a few weeks away and it was sooner rather than later she'd be leaving her plebe year behind.

She stared at the Cadets outside, most of them relishing the first sunny day in almost a month, and sighed. Normally, she would have joined them, for the sake of appearances, but she'd had a bad night previously, and was relishing her own alone time.

Sharing a room with one of the more popular female cadets of her year meant she rarely had this much time to herself privately, let alone anywhere else on campus.

The night before, the recurring nightmare had reared its ugly head again, the one where her mother was killed on an away mission with Tom Paris and Tuvok, and she was left in the care of Neelix. Despite the fact that he was her beloved godfather, the thought of being raised by the flamboyant Talaxian made her shudder.

There was nothing better than one's own mother, especially when one did not know her father for the longest time.

She thought of Neelix, now living on the Talaxian mining colony. She hadn't seen him in person since he'd left the ship, and hadn't spoken to him in weeks, despite her access and connections to Project Pathfinder.

It shook her up more than she was willing to admit, the recurrence of a nightmare she hadn't experienced in a few months, and put it down to the stress of her upcoming exams, and not the feelings of abandonment she was currently experiencing. After all, Icheb was studying for his own exams, and the _Voyager_ crew were scattered across the world, and the quadrant, most having taken new positions upon their return.

All she could do, now that she finally had some privacy, was to not dwell on her nightmare and let the dark emotions associated with it pass. After all, it was a new day, and the sun was out, shining its bright light and eliminating the shadows.

It was then that she decided it was in her best interest to venture outside.

After all, the sun would help the darkness pass, bringing only good times and good memories, and it was the good memories that meant the most.


	71. Questioning Failure

_**Jean Luc Picard 'The Next Generation' – It is possible to commit no errors and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.**_

**- J/7 - season 5-ish -**

'But I do not understand.'

Captain Kathryn Janeway sighed heavily as they walked back from the shuttlebay. The away mission had been a hard one, and the former drone did not seem to understand what went wrong.

'Seven, sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we cause more harm than good.'

'But there were no errors in our actions,' she attempted to reason. 'We appeared to be helping, and the trade negotiations were going well. I do not understand how our endeavour failed.'

The Captain sighed again as they stepped into the turbolift, and called for the Bridge. 'You're just going to have to write this one down, despite our best efforts, as a failed mission.'

Her reasoning still did not seem to be being processed by the former Borg's highly competent mind, and by the time they stepped out onto the Bridge, she was about to question everything again.

'Captain, how did everything go?' Chakotay rose from her command chair; she and Seven had taken a shuttle to the planet because of environmental concerns, and had not been in contact with the ship for several hours.

'Despite our best efforts, we were unsuccessful,' Seven stated. 'Though I am still unsure as to why this outcome occurred. I must say, failure is a weakness I am not accustomed to.'

That was the final straw for the Captain.

'Seven,' she said in a voice slightly louder than usual. 'It is possible to commit no errors and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.'

The former Borg at least appeared to be chastised by the Captain's outburst, and simply nodded in response. Kathryn smiled and left her at the rail to head to her command chair, having missed the familiarity of the cushioning whilst in the shuttle.

'I still do not like the feelings of failure or weakness,' Seven mused out loud, her fingers dancing over her console behind the command chairs.

'No one does, Seven,' Kathryn's voice returned to normal. 'It's just something we all learn to live with.'


	72. Learning to Ask

_**Dana Scully 'X-Files' – A **__**dream is an answer to a question we haven't learned how to ask**_

**- Doctor/Torres - post-Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy -**

'You know, Doctor, I really wish you wouldn't tamper with your program without my permission or supervision.'

It was a lecture the Doctor had been on the receiving end of many times, but this time, Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres felt more than justified reiterating her point.

'But I only wanted to experience what you flesh and blood beings take for granted!'

He'd been saying the same types of things over and over since the Captain had granted permission for his 'ECH' subroutine, and Torres was tasked with cleaning up after him.

Again.

'Yes, I know,' she sighed. 'You've been telling me that for an hour now, but it doesn't change the fact that I now have to clean up your memory engrams and program additions so we don't risk another cascade failure.'

'Very well,' he pouted.

For a hologram, he could pout very loudly.

'What now?' Torres snapped, having grown tired of the hologram's excessive pouting and overly-expressive facial features.

'It just makes me feel so… violated, when you play around with my program like you are now.'

'Well, maybe you'll learn to ask permission next time,' she retorted. 'Then this wouldn't have to happen.'

'Hmmmm.'

'And please, stop the inappropriate day dreams,' she looked back at her console. 'You need to learn to ask for things, and not just dream about them. That's what a real person does.'

'Why, Lieutenant,' she could tell he was only trying to be offended. 'I would never…'

'Save it for someone who cares,' she raised her hand at him. 'I'm busy trying to put you back together properly.'

'Well, now you know how I feel.'

'Doctor…' she was growling now.

'Sorry, sorry,' he raised his hands in surrender. 'I'm just going to go… to my office and work now.'

'You do that.'

'I will.'

'Quietly.'

He had nothing to day to that, and she was glad to get the last word, for once.


	73. 45 Days

_**Ted Mosby 'How I Met Your Mother' – E**__**xactly 45 days from now you and I are gonna meet. And we're gonna fall in love. And we're gonna get married and we're gonna have two kids, and we're gonna love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away. But I'm here now, I guess because I want those extra 45 days with you, I want each one of them. But if I can't have them I'll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face. Because I love you, I'm always gonna love you, til the end of my days and beyond. You'll see.**_

**- Janeway - pre-series -**

She had a bad feeling about this, chasing this Maquis ship Tuvok was on through the Badlands. She had studied the dossiers for all members of the crew of the… _Val Jean_… or was it the _Liberty_? There were conflicting reports as to the ship's official designation, but everyone knew it was the same ship.

The thing was, she had to take her brand new ship and chase them through the plasma storms and not only rescue one of her oldest and dearest friends, but capture and arrest the members of the Maquis on the ship.

She wasn't sure how she felt about that. She wasn't a Maquis sympathiser, per se, but she did believe they had the right to defend their families and the planets that had been annexed by the Cardassians in a peace treaty that will never bring peace.

So now, she was headhunting, for her senior officers and department chiefs, and for permission to break a certain man out of prison to help track down his former shipmates.

In about six weeks, all would be ready, and she would head off with a new ship and a new crew, in search for her Chief of Security and the Maquis.

But, for now, all she could do was debate whether or not she was the best person for the job, and even if she was, whether or not she wanted to be the one to imprison freedom fighters for defending the lives of others.

It was a hard choice to live with, and she had 45 days in which to make it, before a lot of lives would change forever.


	74. Loving You

_**Spike**_** '**_**Buffy the Vampire Slayer' – **__**When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are.**_

**- P/T - Lineage -**

Tom Paris was still reeling from the unexpected news: he was going to be a father.

They hadn't been married very long, and the Doctor had implied that conceiving a child should have been problematic because of their genetic compatibilities, or incompatibilities, but apparently that wasn't so.

They hadn't even been trying, and they were pregnant.

And now, even though she's perfect as she is, B'Elanna doesn't want their child to go through all the childhood teasing and crap she went though, and wanted to take away her Klingon genes.

Just the thought of it was tearing him apart.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair; he loves B'Elanna for the person she is, Klingon genes and all, and the same Klingon genes that will run through their child will make him love the baby even more.

He was glad he made her see that, and she agreed not to alter their daughter's genes.

'But Tom, you don't understand, everything I went through growing up… it was terrible!'

'B'Elanna, I love you because you're Klingon, not despite it, and I will love our daughter just as much as I love her mother.'

'But…'

'No, no buts. When I say, 'I love you,' it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. And it's because of that, that I love you, and I love our daughter, and I'll never leave you. You just have to believe that.'

B'Elanna looked up at her husband, tears in her eyes. 'You really mean that?'

He cupped her cheeks with his hands, lowering his forehead to touch hers. 'Of course I do. I love you, B'E; I'll always love you.'

'Well,' she sighed. 'Maybe I'm going to have to believe.'

'Maybe you should.'


	75. Midnight Lessons

_**JD 'Scrubs' – The truth is: you should consider yourself lucky if you even occasionally get to make someone, anyone, feel a little better. After that it's all about the people that you let into your life**_

**- Janeway/Torres - season 6-ish -**

It had worked its way through the grapevine rather quickly; on a small ship with less than 150 crewmembers, it was very hard to keep anything quiet for longer than a few minutes.

Kathryn Janeway liked her midnight walked through the halls of the ship, especially when she couldn't sleep. It meant she saw those assigned to Gamma shift, the officers and crewmen she would normally miss due to conflicting schedules. It meant she had a chance to see the ship running quietly, and the junior officers taking initiative in leadership positions.

She entered engineering on Deck 10, at the observation deck overlooking the warp core, and was surprised to find Lieutenant Torres still working, at what was surely approaching 0100. The Captain was about to say something when she overheard just what was happening.

'So, you're going to want to adjust the plasma flow like this…'

Kathryn smiled and tuned what was obviously a lesson out; it was one she'd been on the receiving end of whilst she was still a science ensign on the _Al Batani_, before she entered command school. It made her proud; the woman started her career on the ship on dubious and unstable terms, and had now grown into a fine officer, one obviously giving up her spare time to teach and mentor one of her subordinates. It was a fine display of leadership and personal growth, and Kathryn couldn't be more proud of the young woman.

A sudden movement must have caught the Chief Engineer's eye, as she quickly looked up and spied the Captain watching the scene below. Both women smiled at the other, and the engineer finished her lesson before joining the captain on the upper level.

'You know, I'm impressed,' Kathryn started.

'How so?'

'You're taking time out of your off-duty hours to mentor the junior engineers,' she smiled. 'It's certainly nothing I would have expected from the woman I met five years ago, and yet here you are.'

'Here I am,' B'Elanna smiled. 'The ensign shows potential to be a better engineer than she already is, and I know that if someone had helped me like this when I was younger…'

'I get it,' the Captain smiled.

'And it makes me feel better, them asking me for help to go over and above, when at first they were cowering from me and my anger. I think it makes both of us feel better, in some ways…'

'Well, I'm proud of you, nonetheless,' Kathryn smiled. 'You've become a great leader and a fine officer.'

B'Elanna smiled and bowed her head, not used to the praise she was receiving. 'Thanks,' she said quietly.

'I mean it, B'Elanna,' Kathryn smiled. 'Keep up the good work, but first, get some sleep.'

B'Elanna smiled. 'You too, Captain. Alpha shift starts in seven hours!'

'I'm the Captain, remember,' she teased in return. 'I don't have to be on time; you do.'

'Aye, aye,' the engineer poked her tongue out in return. 'Goodnight, Captain.'

'Night, B'Elanna.'


	76. Play at Life

_**Dexter Morgan 'Dexter' – All you can do is play along at life, and hope that sometimes you get it right.**_

**- B'Elanna/Miral - future -**

'Ooops.'

B'Elanna looked up from the Padd she was reading, hearing her daughter's concerned oops from behind the couch where she was supposedly playing with her toys.

'Miral, honey,' she said, only a teensy bit concerned. 'Everything okay there?'

The little girl's head popped up almost out of nowhere. 'Yes…' she smiled.

B'Elanna knew the look on her daughter's face; she'd either just broken something, drawn on something, or broken one of the few rules her parents enforced. The almost-three year old was precocious, outgoing and extremely loving, and definitely took after her parents in her tenacity and predilection for trouble.

'What did you do?' the engineer in her was proud and smiling, whereas the mother in her was wondering just how much she'd have to fix.

'Well, you see, Timmy Targ had a boo-boo, so Doctor Miral was fixing it…'

'And I suppose Doctor Miral is you?'

'Duh, Mommy,' the little girl rolled her eyes. 'Anyways, Doctor Miral was fixing Timmy Targ's boo-boo when the… um… well…'

And this was the time B'Elanna knew she had to step in. 'Why don't you bring Timmy Targ to Doctor Mommy and we'll see if we can both fix him?'

Miral smiled brightly, disappearing again for a moment to rescue her beloved plush toy before barrelling around the couch towards her mother.

B'Elanna saw just what was wrong; somehow, while attempting to 'fix' Timmy, Miral had managed to almost completely sever the poor targ's head.

'Can you fix him, Doctor Mommy?' the smile had disappeared from her face and she was pouting, almost to the point of tears; it reminded B'Elanna of Tom when he didn't get his way.

'Well, I don't know, honey,' B'Elanna sighed. 'Timmy might be a little too sick for Doctor Mommy to fix…' Miral was about to burst into tears. 'But you know who would be able to fix him quickly?'

'Who?' Miral asked quietly, her thumb approaching her mouth.

'Why, Uncle Doc of course!'

'Yay! Uncle Doc!

As B'Elanna was placing the comm request, she knew everything would be right in her daughter's world again soon enough, and they would both go back to playing, or playing at life.

After all, you have to play and make mistakes before you can hope that anything would go right.


	77. Protect Me

_**Erika Hernandez 'Enterprise' – Ooh, good thing I have you to protect me**_

**- P/T - Captain Proton -**

B'Elanna Torres hated the Captain Proton program.

Like, seriously hated, despised, abhorred, and detested, the damn program.

And yet, here she was, in the monochromatic environment, dressed in something revealing and sexist, playing along with Tom and his trusty sidekick, Harry.

She tried her hardest not to laugh at the overly exaggerated terms they were using, and the 'space ship' itself, and swore she was about to lose her eyes from rolling them so much.

They were on some mission, she wasn't really paying attention as to what, and she was again playing the damsel in distress.

It was getting old very quickly.

Somehow, she didn't quite understand the logistics of everything, she and Captain Idiot landed themselves in a dark cave without the trusty sidekick, and without any apparent means of escape.

'Now what have you done?' because, obviously, it was Captain Idiot's fault.

'I didn't do anything!' he whined. She could see the vague outline of him throwing his arms in the air in the almost complete blackness.

'Well, how are you going to get us out of here, Captain?'

'Um…'

'You are supposed to be the hero, aren't you?'

'Yes!'

'Then be a hero!'

'Ok. So, let's just… go this way?'

'Are you asking me or telling me?'

'Telling you?'

'Then try telling me without making is sound like a question.'

'Fine, we're going this way.'

He grabbed her arm and started walking further into the cave. Both could hear faint sounds in the distance.

'Is that water I hear?'

'You tell me, genius. It's your program.'

'Well, I hope its water, because if it's not, then we're in trouble.'

'Ooh, good thing I have you to protect me.'

'That's right, let Captain Proton protect his damsel.'

'Shut up, Captain.'

'Make me.'

They walked further into the cave and the noise became louder. It started to sound less like water, and more like the flutter of wings, and Tom's steps faltered.

'Something got you worried?'

'I think that's bats.'

'Pfft, they're just bats, Paris.'

'That's Proton to you, damsel.'

'_Whatever_. Are you telling me you're scared of a few bats?'

Silence.

'Paris?'

'Maybe…'

*groan* 'Idiot. It's not like they can see us.'

'Well why don't you take the lead then?'

'Maybe I will.'

'Fine.'

'Fine!'

There was some shuffling, and B'Elanna was in the lead, because unlike _someone_, she wasn't afraid of a few bats.

She strode forward confidently, knowing there had to be an exit somewhere, and as they moved, they disturbed the bats.

And Captain Idiot started shrieking in terror.

B'Elanna laughed at the hysterics, almost doubling over at the sight; in the darkness their eyes had adjusted, and she could see him swatting at the bats pretty clearly.

She gave it a minute, letting the punishment for his idiocy sink in, before calling for the computer to end the program.

'Good thing I have you to protect me,' she snorted once the grid appeared. 'Maybe it's a good thing you have me.'

'Shut up.'


	78. The Honour in Life and Death

_**Aaron Hotchner 'Criminal Minds – A mother's love is an unrivalled force of nature, and we can all learn much from the way she lived her life. Her death causes each of us to stop and take stock of our lives, to measure who we are, and what we've become**_

**- Janeway/Torres - Barge of the Dead -**

'I think my mother is dead.'

B'Elanna sat on the comfortable sofa in the Captain's Ready Room, her legs pulled up to her chest, chin resting on her knees, staring aimlessly into the carpet. Her experience on the Barge of the Dead had been a memorable one, but she was left with all of these conflicting emotions and confusing thoughts. She couldn't come to a solid conclusion about what had happened, but was grateful for the woman sitting beside her.

'Is that what your experiences on the Barge are telling you?' Kathryn asked quietly.

'I think so,' she whispered. 'But I'm not sure. Everything was just so… weird, especially when you all showed up.'

'But isn't the Barge of the Dead supposed to be a good thing?'

'No,' B'Elanna sighed. 'The Barge takes you to the gates of Gre'thor, and it means you have died without honour. Sto'Vo'Kor is the honourable place to be after death. So, I think my mother died without honour, and called me there to help her regain some.'

'Do you think it worked?'

'I'm not sure,' she sighed again. They lapsed into silence, and Kathryn moved to sit next to the younger woman, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. 'Either my mother died and went to Sto'Vo'Kor because of the honour I have restored upon our house, or she is somehow still alive, and I have restored some honour upon her anyway.'

'I can see how this is confusing.'

'Yeah.'

'At least you know she loves you.'

B'Elanna scoffed. 'I'm not so sure about that. She may have loved me in the traditional mother-daughter sense, but ever since I left home to join the Academy, we've barely spoken, and I thought she'd given up on me.'

'Well, no matter if she's dead or alive, we can learn a lot by the way she lived, and if she has died, we can learn a lot from that too. We can stop, take stock of our lives, and make sure we don't make the same mistakes she has made, and make ourselves into better people, so her honour can live on in us all.'

The words ran through B'Elanna's head a few times before she responded. 'I like the sound of that,' she whispered, dropping her feet back to the floor. 'There is honour in death, but there is much more honour in life, so we should continue living no matter what.'

'Exactly,' Kathryn smiled. She stood up, walking to the replicator for more coffee, and was surprised to see the engineer about to leave. 'Do you feel better now?'

B'Elanna stopped at the door and shrugged. 'A little. But now I have more to process and think about. Thanks, Kathryn.'

'Anytime, B'Elanna.'

The half-Klingon smiled and just about walked out, but stopped and turned at the last minute. 'You know, my mother used to call me 'Lanna' when I was growing up. I think maybe you should too.'

Kathryn smiled again. 'My pleasure, Lanna. Sleep well.'


	79. Chastised

_**Sam Donovan 'Sports Night' – You said before that for whatever reason, I seem to be able to exert some authority around here. I assure you it's not 'cause they like me. It's 'cause they knew two minutes after I walked in the door I'm someone who knows how to do something. I can help**_

**- Captain Janeway, with appearances by Seven, Torres and Nicoletti -**

She felt like she was running a day care centre, except she wasn't.

She felt like she'd just stepped into a room full of blustering two-year-olds, but she hadn't.

In reality, she had walked into Engineering, only to discover Seven of Nine and Lieutenant Torres arguing loudly, with the rest of the personnel watching in interest.

'What is going on in here?'

It was moments like these that her loud, booming voice came in handy.

It was also moments like these she liked to use said voice, as it didn't happen nearly as often as she liked.

The staff scattered, all finding their consoles, fingernails or the floor infinitely more interesting in that moment, leaving B'Elanna and Seven at the centre of her attention.

The two alpha women immediately stopped their bickering and turned to the Captain, each momentarily stunned by her sudden presence when it was technically the idle of the ship's night.

'Captain,' Torres started. 'What brings you down here…'

'Don't start with me, B'Elanna,' she raised her hand.

Both women looked appropriately chastised, and it gave her a modicum sense of accomplishment.

She stepped in closer, motioning for the other two women to do the same.

'You two are supposed to be senior officers on this ship,' she hissed. 'The ones everybody else looks to for immediate leadership and guidance. I don't care what you're arguing about. But you need to do it quietly, and preferably not in front of everyone else.

'That being said, I am ordering you two to step away from each other immediately. You are both to report to your respective off-duty areas, and to stay away from each other for a full twenty-four hours unless we are at red alert. Am I clear, ladies?'

Both women nodded, each too stunned to speak for the moment.

'Good,' Janeway smiled. 'Now, get out.'

The moment the doors closed behind their retreating figures, Janeway let out a deep breath, and the staff around her broke out into spontaneous applause.

'Now, now,' she smiled at them. 'It's not like that's an uncommon occurrence.'

'Oh, you'd be surprised, Captain,' Susan Nicoletti spoke up.

'Not much surprises me anymore, Lieutenant,' the Captain smiled. 'Now, let's see if we can solve their engineering problem and get something done around here, shall we?'

It was refreshing, Nicoletti thought, to have the Captain down here in a different capacity, especially when she broke up the never-ending Borg-Klingon war. It was an immense help to all of them.

Not to mention, less reason for noise suppressors; the two women were very loud and passionate, especially when fighting each other.


	80. Taking Care

_**Dean Winchester 'Supernatural' – I'm gonna take care of you, okay? I'm going to take care of you; I've got you, because that's my job, right?**_

**- Janeway POV - **

It was hard, giving over control to someone, especially when you're the top of the food chain.

But, this time, she had to.

The Doctor had all but relieved her of duty, even though he was threatening to if she stepped even a foot out of her quarters.

'It's for your own good,' he warned her. 'The crew don't need an incapacitated Captain any more than you want to be confined to quarters.'

She harrumphed and crossed her arms, but the famous Janeway death glare did nothing to intimidate the hologram; it just made him more determined to get his way.

So, here she was, all tucked up in bed with a book, relaxing for the first time in what felt like years. It probably was years, with the way she'd been running the ship since their encounter with the Caretaker.

But all that was nothing, because it was now Chakotay in charge of the ship, and it was Chakotay who was her only visitor.

It was Chakotay taking care of her, and she wasn't sure how she felt about that.

But that was neither here nor there, because both she and he were under doctor's orders; her to stay in bed until he cleared her for duty, and him to not only run the ship, but make sure she was not working in any capacity.

She felt lucky, even though she was unlucky in so many ways.

Both her First Officer and her Chief Medical Officer were taking care of her, and both of them had her back.

It was a good feeling, being taken care of. Maybe she should let it happen more often.


	81. Terrible Feeling

_**Carol Hathaway 'ER' – I'm still in love with him. I am. I've been in love with him since I was 23 years old. He's everything to me. He's my life. I feel compete with him and I feel empty when we're apart**_

**- P/T - Friendship One -**

It was a terrible feeling, knowing he was stuck down on that nuclear winter-ridden planet, while she was safe on their ship in orbit.

It was a terrible feeling, because Joe Carey had been shot as he was transporting back to the ship.

It was a terrible feeling, because that could have been him, and she could have been widowed before either of them had officially met their daughter.

It was a terrible feeling.

She sat at her console on the Bridge, listening to him converse with the Captain on the ship, and the person in charge on the surface, and she was scared. She didn't need to be on the Bridge, and the Captain knew it, but it was allowed, because she needed to be on the Bridge.

She needed to make sure he didn't get himself killed.

After all, it had taken three years for them to get together, and another three years for them to officially commit themselves to one another, and now, now that she was pregnant and they were starting a family, she couldn't lose him.

She didn't know if she could ever face losing him, but right now, when her deputy had already been cruelly ripped from them, she was even more worried for her husband's safety.

It was a terrible feeling, because after being independent for so long, she relied on him so much, and he was her life, that she couldn't face losing him.

It was a terrible feeling, until he came back to the ship in one piece.

Then, the terrible feeling was gone.


	82. Babysitting Blues

_**She's down in it**_

_**She's tried her best but now she can't win**_

_**It's hard to see them on the ground**_

_**Her diamonds falling down**_

**- Harry vs Miral - future -**

There was a mischievous glint in her eyes, the dangerous kind, and he knew he was in for a rough night. It wasn't that she was naughty, or troublesome, or rude; she was stubborn.

It was a family trait, one he should expect.

But, at the same time, he was still scared.

After all, he was only babysitting tonight, doing his duty as best friend and uncle. But still, he knew she would put him through the motions.

She might have only been two years old, but that didn't stop her.

Nothing stopped her. She always got what she wanted, until she didn't.

And that's what he was afraid of.

Because the moment he said 'no', she would start screaming, and the tears would never stop.

He didn't know who would take it harder.

And that worried him more.


	83. Your Call

_**J.D. 'Scrubs' – I think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone. You'd never know it, but there's most likely tons of people feeling the exact same way. Maybe because you're feeling abandoned. Maybe because you realise that you aren't as self-sufficient as you thought. Maybe because you know that you should've handled something differently. Or maybe because you aren't as good as you thought you were. Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice. You can either wallow in self-pity, or you can suck it up. It's your call.**_

**- Naomi/OMC - future -**

'Naomi?'

The sun was shining in her eyes and reflecting off the water that was the bay, making it harder for her to see just who was talking to her. She sighed heavily, standing from the park bench. 'I'm sorry, do I know you?'

He stepped forward, and she recognised him as an old cadet from their plebe year; he had washed out during finals, whilst she topped the class.

'I'm Matthew, Matthew Watson.'

'Ah, Mini-Matt,' she smiled. 'Wow, you sure have grown into yourself.'

'Yeah,' Matthew chuckled. 'No one calls me that anymore.'

'Oh really?'

'Well,' he smirked. 'I am a counsellor at the youth centre on Luna.'

It was her turn to chuckle. 'We always knew you were destined for kids and therapy.'

'So it seems.'

'So, what brings you to San Francisco?'

Matthew gestured at the bench, and both sat down again. 'Actually, you do.'

'Me? Why?'

It was a difficult conversation, but it was one that needed to be had.

'Frankly, Naomi, your professors are worried about you.'

It was as if she became a different person; a veil dropped over her eyes, and she resumed the defeated posture and melancholy look.

'They say your work is excellent, you're at the top of all of your classes…'

'Then what's the problem?'

'You're not connecting. You don't seem to have any friends, you don't have an extra-curricular activity other than the lab, your roommate is concerned… need I go on?'

It was all he needed to say; she burst into tears.

'I just feel so alone!' she cried, leaning into his shoulder. 'My parents are in deep space on assignment, I never get access to Pathfinder to talk to Neelix, Seven is on Jupiter Station, and Icheb… he graduated and left me behind.'

'Oh, Nay,' he rubbed a hand up and down her back. 'You've hit rock bottom, haven't you?'

She nodded, still sobbing into his shoulder.

'Well, I have some news for you, and I'm not sure you're going to like it.'

'You do?'

'Yep,' he nodded. 'You're alone, I get that. Everyone is alone at some point in their life, and it affects each person differently. But, it is how we deal with it that makes us who we are. We all hit rock bottom eventually. And, Nay, that's where you are right now.'

She started to protest, but he raised his hand.

'Nope, not finished. You're at rock bottom, so what? It means you have to make a choice. You can wallow in this self-pity, and become the person nobody likes; or, you can suck it up, deal with it, and let it make you stronger. It's your call.'

She sat there for a moment, leaning on a friend, just thinking.

Matthew could tell when she made her decision.

Naomi stood up, shook herself out a little, and raised her chin.

'There she is,' Matthew smiled. 'There's the Naomi Wildman I know.'

'I'm my own person,' she smiled tearfully.

'Yes, you certainly are.'


	84. Nothing There

_**Angela 'Pobol y Cwm' – There is nothing there. It's over and gone and you all blame me.**_

**- J/C - The Voyager Conspiracy -**

They were being ridiculous, and they both knew it.

She threw her hands up in the air in frustration; he rubbed his down the sides of his face.

Both stared at the information on the screen in the Astrometrics lab, wondering where everything had gone wrong, and just how they had started this giant, pointless argument in the first place.

'You know what?' she turned to him, her hands on her hips.

'What?' he was getting a little tired of her games.

'We're idiots.'

He burst out laughing. 'Is that so?'

'It is,' she tried to keep a straight face, but it didn't quite work out.

'There's nothing there,' she chuckled. 'No conspiracy, no forgery, no secret orders, nothing! It's all her imagination, and her super-fancy Borg brain interpreting things that just aren't there!'

He dropped his hands to his sides, the laughter falling away. 'It's all her fault, isn't it?' he asked soberly.

'Yeah.'

They looked at each other, only one thought crossing both minds.

'Damn.'


	85. Emotional Musings

_**Dumbledore 'Harry Potter' – Do not pity the dead. Pity the living and above all pity those who have lived without love**_

**- Kim/Seven - Friendship One -**

He didn't know what to think, not really.

He knew Joe Carey fairly well, having worked with him in Engineering a few times, but it wasn't like he was close friends with him or anything.

It was hard though, watching Seven observe everyone else's reactions to the engineer's death on the nuclear winter-ridden planet, the one their ancestors had inadvertently caused.

He knew Seven didn't understand a lot of things; grief, for example. It wasn't part of her Borg maturation, therefore it was deemed irrelevant.

And, he knew he shouldn't pity Joe, even though he had left a wife and two sons back in the Alpha Quadrant. He'd lived a full life, and no one could doubt that.

It was Seven he was worried about, almost to the point of pity. She wouldn't open herself up to emotions, and it was making it harder for him to breach her barriers, despite their working together often.

It was a pity, however, that she didn't open herself to emotions, because even though he'd had some rough times; the wrong twin, the alien women, et cetera, et cetera; he had at least experienced love in some form.

Seven, however, had not. It was something he wasn't accustomed to, and it was something he hoped she would allow herself to experience one day, even if it wasn't with him.

Harry Kim sighed, leaving Seven to do whatever she was doing in the Mess Hall as he returned to duty on the Bridge.

He'd keep his mind open for the both of them; after all, it couldn't hurt.

Could it?


	86. Different Endings

_**Leela 'Futurama' – Please don't stop. I want to know how it ends**_

**- P/T/K - Season 6 -**

He couldn't help it. They were just so entertaining. It was completely and utterly inappropriate for an officer to watch two other officers argue, especially in public.

But it was just so riveting.

He almost wished he had some popcorn, the entertainment factor was so high.

They were all lucky it was the middle of the night, and that the Mess Hall was devoid of other crew members, otherwise his watching would have been noticed, and the argument wouldn't still be going on.

He let out a loud chuckle, and the pair turned to look in his direction.

'Harry?' atom said. 'What are you doing here?'

'Um…'

'Starfleet,' B'Elanna was using her no-nonsense tone. 'Care to explain yourself?'

'Not really?' he couldn't help but make it a question.

'Harry…' Tom sighed.

'Please don't stop,' the ensign smirked. 'I want to know how it ends.'

'How what ends?'

'Whatever you're arguing about this time; I'm not sure, I missed the beginning.'

Tom chuckled at his best friend's candor.

B'Elanna turned back to her partner, a cheeky smile replacing the frustration from moments ago. 'How about we throw him in your Proton program as a slave for a while?'

'Well, that would teach him a lesson,' Tom smiled back equally as mischievous. 'How to respect your elders and superiors, for one…'

'And, on that thought,' Harry started backing out of the Mess Hall. 'I think the show's over. I'll say goodnight now.'

Moments after the doors closed behind the scared ensign, Tom and B'Elanna burst out laughing.

'He's such an easy target,' B'Elanna smiled, wrapping an arm around Tom's waist.

'That he is,' he smiled. 'So, how about we finish this in my quarters?' he asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

'Oh, I thought you'd never ask.'


	87. Thanking the Unknown

_**Mark Greene 'ER' – I don't know, I don't know what's going to happen… but I do know how I feel and I feel like I've found something amazing, and I want to be here. I want to get to know you. We cannot be scared. I would hate to miss another boat**_

**- P/T - post-Day of Honor -**

The floor of the transporter room had never looked so good to Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris in his life.

And, for once, he wasn't exaggerating.

The only thing that looked better than the transporter room was the figure sitting next to him on the transporter pad, Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres.

And they were alive.

'You okay?' he called out to her; both were still wearing their faulty environmental suits, but neither of them mattered.

'I'm alive,' she smiled, pulling the helmet off. 'You?'

He struggled to do the same, but somehow managed. 'I don't think I'll be taking a lot of things for granted in the future, that's for sure.'

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, next to each other on the floor of the transporter room, simply breathing the perfectly circulating air and enjoying each other's company whilst they weren't threatened by imminent death.

'Did you mean everything you said out there?' B'Elanna was the first to break the silence, turning to look at the man she previously despised.

'Yeah,' he answered in an equally quiet voice.

'Good,' she smiled. 'Me too.'

'I just hope I don't mess everything up,' Paris ran a hand through his unruly hair. 'I mean, look at my track record…'

'Trust me, Flyboy, I'm very well acquainted with your track record,' she smirked. 'But I don't know what's going to happen, that's what we face every single day we're out here. The unknown could kill us, like it almost did today, but it could bring us together…'

'Like it also did today,' Tom smiled. 'Sometimes I wanna thank the unknown.'

'Yeah,' she smacked him lightly. 'But, I do know how I feel and I feel like I've found something amazing, and I want to be here. I want to get to know you. We cannot be scared. I would hate to miss another boat.'

'Me too,' Tom grabbed her hand. 'I feel like we could be something special, something awesome, and we owe it to ourselves to try.'

They were stopped from saying anything more by the double doors sliding open and the Captain entering, followed quickly by Chakotay and the Doctor.

'Are you both okay?' Captain Janeway was quick to ask.

'We've been better,' Torres said, sharing a quick look with Tom. 'The Doctor's probably going to want to examine us better, though.'

'You're certainly correct there, Lieutenant,' he exclaimed. 'Why they weren't beamed directly to Sickbay in the first place, I'll never know…'

The two lieutenants quickly ignored the Doctor in favour of each other, both ready and willing to explore the next stage of their lives… together.


	88. Not Home Yet

_**General Hank Laundry 'Stargate Atlantis' – Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It's the courage to continue that counts**_

**- Janeway - Endgame Continuation -**

It was a little overwhelming, that feeling of completing, of success, of finality.

There they were, sitting in the middle of space, in the Alpha Quadrant, surrounded by a fleet of ships, and all she could think about was how overwhelmed she felt.

Tom Paris had been sent down to Sickbay to meet his new daughter; it was a privilege reserved for the new father, but being Captain, she'd be the next to meet her newest addition to the crew.

Chakotay had taken over Tom's post at the conn, despite his terrible track record with shuttles, and was the only other person she trusted to make their final journey, the completion of their mission, towards Earth.

She could hear Harry conversing with the other decks, checking the status of the ship's systems post-transwarp.

She knew, thanks to the Admiral, that Tuvok would soon need to contact his family on Vulcan, if he wanted any chance at what should be the remainder of his natural life.

So, their mission, their journey, was technically at its end, and it was somewhat a success.

But it left loose ends, and though it was a success, the finality of one mission meant the beginning of the next stage of their lives.

She sighed as she sat in her command chair in the centre of the Bridge, willing herself to calm down, and to overcome the feeling of being overwhelmed.

It was an emotional homecoming, and she knew she had to muster the courage to continue, because although they were technically in the Alpha Quadrant, they weren't home yet.


	89. Command Team

_**Jonathan Archer 'Enterprise' – We're going to stumble, make mistakes, I'm sure more than a few before we find our footing. But we're going to learn from those mistakes, that's what being human is all about. I'm sorry you can't see that**_

**- J/C/T - post-Caretaker -**

She didn't care that she'd just made an enemy out of the Kazon-Nistrim, and probably all of the other Kazon sects for that matter.

She didn't care that she'd destroyed their fastest way home, and that a great many people on board her ship now disliked her.

She didn't care, because of the needs of the many; the Ocampa.

It was comforting to have Tuvok back on board as her trusted left hand, her second officer; it was welcoming to have Chakotay agree to be her right hand, her XO, her first officer.

She called them both into her Ready Room, not long after she'd given Mr Paris his standing command for however long their journey would be, and the three of them sat down on the sofa below the window.

'I'm not saying this is going to be easy,' she started, grabbing a coffee from the replicator. 'Because it will be harder than anything any of us has ever done before. I'm not saying it will be a quick journey, but we'll make every effort to shorten it from the 75 years it realistically should be.'

The gentlemen knew her well enough not to say anything, and she was glad for their silence. This was something she needed to get off her chest before they got any further into their journey.

'We're going to stumble, make mistakes, make more enemies than friends, and I'm sure it will be more than a few before we find our footing. But, we're going to learn from our mistakes, that's what being human, being Starfleet, is all about. I'm sorry that races like the Kazon can't see that, but it's just something we're going to have to deal with. And for us to deal with it properly, I need the two of you by my side.

'I need to trust both of you, and I need you both to trust not only me, but each other as well.'

The men nodded, and Kathryn smiled.

'Well, gentlemen, let's try and make this journey as painless as possible. Dismissed.'

She didn't find it weird or uncomfortable that neither had said a word; she didn't need them to. She trusted them, she knew they trusted her, and all that was left was for them to get on with their mission.

The three of them would be the ones to lead everyone home, come hell or high water. She couldn't ask them for anything more than their trust.

They were the command team, the leaders; it was up to them to keep everyone safe.

It was a hard burden to bear.


	90. Being Better

_**BTW, I was watching 'Shakespeare in Love' whilst writing this one. Apologies in advance for any found 'ye olde English'...**_

* * *

_**Colonel Potter 'M*A*S*H' – It's too big a world to be in competition with everyone. The only person I have to be better than is myself**_

**- Icheb/Naomi - future -**

The stress of studying for exams was really starting to get to her, so she decided to take advantage of the one thing seniors were still allowed to do: leave campus for the weekend.

She was in her final year of the academy, studying for her final round of final exams.

It all seemed very… final.

'Heh,' she laughed at herself; apparently the stress really was starting to affect her.

She was also taking advantage of a rare warm and sunny day in the late winter that was still enveloping San Francisco, despite the planetary weather grid and the fact that technically, it had been spring for almost three weeks. Golden Gate Park was occupied, but not bustling with people, so she took the opportunity to lie down on the grass and bask in the sunlight.

The warmth of the sun was refreshing and rejuvenating, putting some energy back into her tired body, until someone's shadow fell across her.

'Excuse me,' she spat, not bothering to open her eyes. 'You're blocking my sun.'

'Well, I don't see your name on it.'

Naomi opened her eyes in a flash. 'Icheb?'

'It's good to see you again, Naomi,' he sat down on the grass next to her. 'How is your exam study coming?'

'I've always hated my final exams, and these are worse than all of the rest,' she sighed. 'I feel like I am in closer competition with my peers now more so than ever before.'

'I have faith in you,' he smiled, reclining on the grass. 'But, you know, you do not need to be in such competition with the others.'

'Oh Icheb, you know I do,' she complained. 'Only the top ranking cadets get the best postings; how am I supposed to return to _Voyager_ without topping the class?'

'The only person you have to be better than is yourself,' he smiled, taking her hand. 'There are too many people in this universe, and your Academy class for that matter, for you to worry about that. All you can do is your best, and I believe that your best is enough.'

Naomi lay on the grass smiling, her hand clutching his. 'Thank you, Icheb.'

'Well, you must do your best,' he smiled. 'You must, so we can serve on _Voyager_ together.'

'That's my goal,' she smiled, sitting up to look in his eyes. 'That's been my plan all along.'

'Good,' he smiled, sitting up to meet her. He kissed her sweetly, not their first, nor their last. 'I'll see you on the ship in a month, then.'

'That you will.'

'Now, go and study some more,' he laughed a little. 'I wouldn't want you to miss out on your preferred assignment.'

She smiled, kissing him again before rising from the grass. 'That'll never happen,' she threw over her shoulder as she walked away.

'No, it won't,' he whispered to himself. 'You're too good for that.'


	91. Little Boy

_**Carla 'Scrubs' – Most of all, I'm looking for the real thing and you're nothing but a little boy who's not used to being told 'no'. So there's a bunch of reasons. Pick your favourite.**_

**- P/T - early Season 2 -**

'But Torres,' he whined. 'Why not?'

She stopped in her tracks, causing Paris to walk right into her. 'You really want to know?'

He nodded.

'It's simple. You're a pig,' she smiled, ticking off her fingers one by one. 'You're immature, self-centred, you don't think of anyone but yourself, and you're a spoiled Starfleet brat.'

'That's not fair,' he whined. 'You don't even know me!'

'Oh, I know you well enough, Flyboy, to stay the hell away from you.'

'Then what can I do to make you feel differently about me?'

She sighed heavily. 'Unless you do some serious growing up in the next five seconds, nothing you can do will ever change your mind. I'm not looking for something quick and superficial. You should check the crewmen in the science labs if that's what you want.'

'Then what the hell are you looking for, Torres? Because quick and superficial can be fun and dirty,' he smirked.

'Maybe I'm looking for something better,' she threw her own smirk back at him. 'You're nothing but a little boy who's not used to being told 'no'. You've heard my reasons. Pick your favourite.'

Tom's jaw dropped to the floor as the feisty Chief Engineer strode away from him confidently, leaving him baffled in the hallway like a little boy.

Apparently, picking up girls on the ship would be harder than he thought.


	92. Awakening Moment

_**Charlie 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' – I can see it, this one moment when you know you're not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder, and you're listening to that song on that drive, with the people that you love most in this world**_

**- any pairing -**

'I saw it happen, you know.'

She looked over to him and smiled. 'Are you talking about what I think you're talking about?'

He shrugs. 'Maybe.'

She nods over to the couple frolicking in the falling leaves. 'Them.'

'Of course you know, mind reader,' he smirks, jokingly pushing her shoulder. 'I saw the moment.'

'The moment she fell for him, the moment they became a couple regardless of Facebook, the moment she grew up…'

'It was that moment of life, when she seemed to breathe in the sunlight and just… shine.'

She smiled, first at her husband, then in the direction of their daughter and her boyfriend. 'Her moment of awakening?'

'Yeah,' he breathed. 'It was a beautiful sight.'

'What brought this on?'

'Just… seeing them together; happy, free, unburdened by the constrictions of societal norms and able to be themselves. It reminds me of…'

'It reminds you of us, and the good old days,' she smiled.

He turned his gaze from the frolicking couple back to his wife, his facial features softening. 'It reminds me of you, and your awakening moment.'

She cocked her head at him, 'Yeah?'

'And how your moment finally led you to me.'


	93. Education in Judgement

_**Doug Witter 'Dawson's Creek' – If you ever, in your life, presume to judge me again, so help me God, I will beat the ugly right out of you**_

**- P/T - pre-series -**

'I swear, Paris!' she screamed at him. 'One more move, and…'

'And what, Torres?' he spat. 'What will you do? Use your bat'leth on me?'

'Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhh!' she threw her hands up in despair. 'I could kill you where you stand!'

'What will that accomplish?' he leaned against a bulkhead. 'Not a whole lot, that's for sure.'

'It'll make me feel better,' she growls.

'But you'll still be stuck on this bucket of bolts, and Chakotay won't have anyone good enough to make that supply run to the Maquis colony through the Badlands,' he smirked at her. 'Then he might just kill you instead.'

She turned away from him, growling and clenching her fists in anger, trying to decide what to do about the cocky, half-drunk pilot.

He watched on from the bulkhead, hands crossed over his chest, smirk firmly in place.

'You know what? This isn't working,' she walked straight up to his face, putting hers barely an inch from his. Her voice was a menacing whisper as she spoke. 'If you ever, in your life, presume to judge me like that again, I will beat the ugly right out of you so hard, even the doors to Gre'thor won't open for you.'

He didn't want to admit it, but she was scaring him just a little. 'Okay, okay,' he raised his hands in defeat. 'I won't, I promise.'

'Good.'

'Good.'

She held his gaze for a moment before turning and storming out of the tiny common room they were in; he couldn't help but watch her leather-covered behind as she walked away.

Maybe his time on this tiny, old Maquis ship would be worth something.


	94. Nana to the Rescue

_**Erika Hernandez 'Enterprise' – I don't know how you survived all these years without me**_

**- Paris/Miral/Mama Paris - future -**

She knocked on the door a few times, activating the chime, calling out to them, anything she could to get the attention of the family inside the without being suspicious. Giving up, she called out a security override and entered the house, only to be met by a shocking site.

Toys were scattered across the floor, clothing and assorted uniform pieces strewn across pieces of furniture; dirty dishes littered the coffee table, food scraps dried to the highchair.

It was a disaster zone.

'Tom? B'Elanna?' she called out. 'Is everything okay?'

A sudden scream from an upper level of the three-storey townhouse made her ignore the destruction in the living room and rush up the stairs.

'What's wrong?' she was slightly out of breath as she appeared in the nursery doorway. 'What happened?'

She wasn't sure what to think when she saw just what was happening in her granddaughter's nursery.

Tom was sitting on the carpeted floor surrounded by even more toys, baby clothing, both soiled and otherwise, dirty diapers and other assorted baby paraphernalia.

What was worse, was Miral was sitting next to him, naked as the day she was born, her face red from screaming and tears trailing down her cheeks.

'What is going on here?'

'Oh Mom,' Tom smiled at the sight of Julia Paris. 'Thank God you're here.'

'You two look a right mess,' she shook her head.

'Understatement of the year.'

'Outside, both of you, now,' she sighed, pointing out of the room.

'Seriously, Mom?' he looked at her in disbelief. 'You're treating me like a child!'

'Well, you're acting like one. Out,' she pointed again. 'Now.'

Tom grumbled under his breath, but picked up his daughter anyway. 'Well Bug, it looks like Nana's come to the rescue; we'd better listen to her before she really gets mad.'

As the two children, one old enough to know better, sulked down the stairs, she turned her head back to the mess in the room. 'Seriously, I don't know how you survived all these years without me.'


	95. Conundrum

_**Isaac Jaffe 'Sports Night' – I challenge you to do the right thing. Not an unreasonable request to make of a man**_

**- Paris/Kim/Janeway - family/friendship - future -**

'I don't know what to do,' he sighed, looking out the window at the kids playing in the yard.

'What do you mean?' his best friend came up to stand next to him, silently passing over a second beer, which he accepted with a nod. 'What happened this time?'

'B'Elanna and I are both up from promotion, which could possibly mean reassignment for one or both of us,' Tom sighed.

'I thought that would be a good thing?' Harry was always the optimistic one, so much so that when his wife died shortly after their twins had turned three, he was the one to move on the fastest, despite his loss.

'Harry, Harry, Harry,' Tom turned to look at the younger man. 'You know well enough that we all agreed it would be better to raise the kids planetside, at least until they're old enough to need less supervision. Reassignment could potentially screw that up, or separate us…'

'And that's something no one wants,' Harry sighed. 'I know, man. I might be up for promotion in a few months.'

'But you don't have a spouse to worry about separating from.'

'Yeah, but I don't want to take Lily and James away from Miral, Owen and Katie, not to mention the rest of them,' Harry snapped in return. 'And what would you know, about a lack of a spouse; maybe I do have someone and you just don't know.'

'Okay, boys, that's enough,' a familiar female voice spoke from behind them.

Both turned, appropriately chastised, to see their old commanding officer standing in the middle of the Paris' San Francisco townhouse kitchen.

'Admiral,' Harry immediately straightened up. 'I didn't know you were coming.'

'At ease, Harry,' she smiled softly at him. 'It's Kathryn when we're out of uniform, remember.'

'Of course, Kathryn,' Tom shot harry a dirty look, walking up to embrace her in a warm hug. 'What brings you to my humble abode?'

'Oh Tom, this house is neither humble nor solely yours,' she smiled, playing the game well. 'And I thought the door was always open to Voyagers, but if I'm not welcome…'

'You know you're always welcome in this house,' Tom smiled widely. 'Want me to grab B'E for you?'

'Not quite yet,' she smiled. 'I want to help you two out with your conundrum first, and don't pretend to not know what I'm talking about, Mr Paris,' she shook her finger at him.

He smiled sheepishly, but took her to the couch regardless. 'What do you know?'

'There's not much I can tell you,' she ran a hand through her hair. 'But I will say there are worse things than raising your children in space,' she held up a hand to stop their protesting. 'But I will challenge you to do the right thing. It's not an unreasonable request of a man, especially one whom I mentored.'

She stood up, leaving both to think on things, and went outside to join the playing children.


	96. Insanity

_**Fox Mulder 'The X-Files' – Sometimes the only sane answer to an insane world is insanity**_

**- Lower Decks crewmen - Circa Season 4 -**

'That's insane!'

He looked at her like she'd suddenly grown a second head, the outburst from her was not one he would have expected from her.

The lower decks were a hive of activity during Alpha Shift, not that anyone important ever paid them any attention unless they wanted something, and that was the way they liked it.

'Are you sure that's what happened?' she asked, dropping her voice, but only just. 'How did you find out?'

'Haven't you noticed how the betting pool has suddenly… let's just say, it's gone quiet recently.'

'But that doesn't mean Paris and Torres finally hooked up,' she tried to reason with him.

'It does,' he smiled at her, 'because my sources in Main Engineering have confirmed it.'

She spun around to look at him, leaving the console behind her beeping incessantly. 'What, Susan Nicoletti can't keep her mouth shut? That's nothing new.'

'No,' he shook his head sarcastically at her. 'Actually, I was in the Mess Hall the other day and overheard Paris and Kim talking about it.'

'Eavesdropping on superior officers,' she shook her head and tutted him. 'Why, that's conduct unbecoming.'

'Well, since we're not officers, it doesn't matter,' he sneered back at her. 'Anyway, why do you say they're so insane?'

She looked at him like he was the one to have grown a second head. 'Seriously? The man-whore that is Paris taming the Klingon spitfire Torres is? In what universe can you ever see something like that working?'

'Sometimes the only sane answer to an insane world is insanity,' he shrugged.

'Oh yes, very prophetic,' she waved him off. 'Whatever. Maybe now if Paris keeps Torres happy, she'll stop riding us so hard.'

'Oh yeah,' he scoffed in return. 'That would only happen in a perfect world, and this, my dear, is a world far from perfect.'


	97. All I Need

_**Leslie Knope 'Parks and Recreation' – The things that you have done for me – to help me, support me, surprise me, to make me happy… go above and beyond what any person deserves. You're all I need.**_

**- P/T - post-One Small Step -**

'You know it's hard for me to open up, right?'

'Heh,' he chuckled. 'I never would have guessed.'

'Don't be a pig, Paris,' she elbowed his gut. 'I'm being serious here.'

'So am I,' he laughed, throwing popcorn in her face.

'Tom!' she shrieked. 'Stop it!'

They wrestled over the popcorn bowl for a few minutes, letting most of the snack scatter all over the floor before rolling off the sofa and landing on top of it. They wrestled half-heartedly a little longer, before B'Elanna pushed her boyfriend off and sat up.

'Tom,' she started quietly, her tone immediately grabbing his attention. 'Thank you.'

'For what?'

'You know well and good what for,' she pushed him again. 'No, but seriously, thank you. I was so angry and self-righteous when we were thrown on this ship together, and now…'

'Now, you're actually an adult and a leader,' he smiled.

'Well, yeah,' she blushed and ducked her head. 'And I have you to thank for that, mostly. The things that you have done for me, to help me, support me, surprise me, to make me happy; Tom, you've gone above and beyond what any person, especially me, ever deserves. I don't know what I'd do without you. You're all I need.'

'Thank you,' Tom whispered.

'I don't know what I'd do without you.'

'Aww, Torres,' he picked a stray popcorn out of her hair. 'I'm touched.'

The moment was broken, and she pushed him so he fell to the floor again. He fell with an 'oomf' and she stood up unapologetically to return to the sofa.

'Fine, be that way,' she exaggerated her pout. 'I'll just watch cartoons on my own then.'

'Aww, don't be like that,' he propped himself up on his elbows. 'You're all I'll ever want or need, and don't you ever forget that, B'E.'

'I'll try,' she smiled and ducked her head again, letting her hair fall over her face. 'But if you ever pull a stunt like that ever again…'

'I know, you'll hunt me down on the Barge of the Dead just to kill me again,' he smiled.

'I'm glad you remember.'

'You're all I need, B'E,' he reached out to grab her hand. 'Yesterday reminded me of that.'

'It's funny how a brush with death will do that to a person,' she murmured.

'Yeah.'

'You know, I'm glad I found you.'

'I'm glad we found each other,' he smiled, cupping her cheek. 'Thank you for letting me in.'

'Anytime.'


	98. The Good Fight

_**John Carter 'ER' – Some people get to know you more than others, I know. But when you do everything you can, sometimes even more than you thought you could, you've got to walk away knowing you fought the good fight.**_

**- J/C - post-Eternal Tide -**

It was difficult, being back on _Voyager_'s bridge but not being in command.

Yes, technically she was Fleet Commander Admiral Kathryn Janeway, but she was no longer _her_ ship's commander.

Her time with Kes and the Q's had been enlightening this time around, and she cherished her life more than ever because of the second chance she'd been given.

She turned in her chair on the bridge; it was a third added to the command level, one she was not accustomed to, and looked at the ship's actual commanding officer.

Captain Chakotay looked better than ever, and it wasn't just her rejuvenated cells talking.

She pondered their growing relationship for a moment, and was glad both of them were ignoring the fraternization policy this time around. If the last 18 months had taught her anything, it was that life is short, and sometimes you can't let stupid policies get in the way of love.

'What're you thinking about?'

His low voice surprised her, but she smiled at him anyway. 'Contemplating the universe and all it has to offer this time around.'

Chakotay chuckled, flashing one of his dimples at her; oh, how she loved those dimples…

'And what's the universe telling you?'

'Take hold of everything you love and don't let go,' she whispered to him, her gaze never leaving his.

An alert from a console behind them broke the moment, and Chakotay had to smile at Kathryn's immediate and ingrained response.

'Ensign, report.'

A science officer she didn't know; come to think of it, she barely recognised any of the bridge officers on shift; answered shyly.

'Um, Admiral, Captain,' she looked down at her shoes. 'It was nothing, just a mistake. I… I'm sorry.'

Chakotay immediately smiled at her, instantly putting her at ease. 'It's okay, Ensign; just try not to let it happen again.'

'Aye, sir.'

'They're really fresh, aren't they?' Kathryn observed.

'The Borg invasion and the war didn't help,' Chakotay's voice was low.

'Yeah… but it is a little weird to be here and see so many fresh faces,' she smiled.

'We have our fair share of seasoned officers and newbies,' the Captain nodded in the Ensign's direction. 'But we can't afford to be picky, not anymore.'

'It's just… different now,' she shrugged. 'I mean, some people get to know you more than others, I know. We were spoiled in that respect, off on our own like we were. But when you do everything you can, sometimes even more than you thought you could, you've got to walk away knowing you fought the good fight.'

'Is that why you took Admirality?'

'Oh Chakotay, we raised so many fresh faces into fine officers, you of all people should know that,' she gestured towards Tom Paris. 'I knew when to walk away, that's all.'

'Well, you certainly fought the good fight in that respect.'

'We fought it together, and you know it. I couldn't have done it without you by my side.'

'Now you won't have to.'


	99. Dealing with Feelings

_**Mark Greene 'ER' – 'See, there's two kinds of people. The kind that gets rid of their feelings. And the kind that keeps them. If you're going to keep your feelings, you're going to get sick of them from time to time. That's just how it works.'**_

**- Torres/Vorik - mid-Season 7 -**

'I swear, the next person to make a comment about my pregnancy-induced mood swings is going to wish they hadn't been born!'

It wasn't an uncommon occurrence to have Lieutenant Torres scream out one veiled threat or another to her Engineering team over the course of their journey, but it had become expected within the first two months of her pregnancy, and had become a daily event ever since.

This particular day was no exception.

She had woken up in one of those moods; the baby had been keeping her up most of the night with her kicking, her back was always aching from the strain, the warp coils were misbehaving and the plasma injectors would stay in alignment for more than an hour.

The only person brave enough to call her on anything was Ensign Vorik.

'You know, Lieutenant,' he approached her console carefully. 'We may be a little more productive if you weren't threatening out lives every few hours. It can be very distracting and demoralizing.'

'I wouldn't have pegged you as an emotional person, Vorik,' she didn't even look up from the monitors. 'I thought Vulcan's were supposed to have a thicker skin.'

'I am not talking about myself, Lieutenant,' he said quietly. 'I am more than capable at handling your emotional outbursts.'

'Then who are you talking about?' she turned her chair around to face him.

'I was referring more to the other engineers; they have expressed some… concern.'

She let out a deep breath. 'Vorik, I'm the type of person who is emotional on a good day. It's unfortunate, and the child I'm currently spawning seems to enjoy making my workdays miserable. The thing about dealing with feelings and emotions is you get sick of them from time to time; that's how they work, and unfortunately, my version of dealing with them is a lot more public than the way you deal with your emotions.'

'I understand Lieutenant,' he nodded. 'But maybe you should inform everyone else before they refuse to attend their duty shifts out of spite or fear.'

B'Elanna watched as Vorik turned to return to his original assignment, partially shocked that he had just called her out, but proud at the same time.

Maybe he was right, to some extent.

Just because she was having issues dealing with feelings didn't mean she had to take it out on her staff.


	100. That Mid-Life Crisis

_**Cate 'Life UneXpected' – 'It's taken me 32 years to figure out who I want to be, and what I've learned is – it's a choice that you make every day about who you want to be and who you want to be it with. It means you appreciating what's happened in your life to bring you to this point and letting it go.'**_

**- Paris/Kim - Season 7-ish -**

'I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.'

Tom Paris looked up from the padd he was reading to see his best friend slip into the chair across from him. 'Excuse me?'

'A mid-life crisis,' he repeated. 'You know, when you don't know who you are or who you want to be, even though you've spent every minute so far becoming this person, only to one day realise you don't know anything. That mid-life crisis.'

'Harry, Harry, Harry,' Tom sighed, pushing the report to the side. 'You're not even thirty yet; how can you be having a mid-life crisis?'

'Hello!' the younger man threw his hands up in the air. 'Look at where we are, Tom! In case you haven't noticed, the Delta Quadrant is dangerous. For all I know, I passed the middle of my life span years ago and will die next week!'

Tom burst out laughing at his best friend's explanation, earning him a dangerous glare he disregarded; B'Elanna gave worse ones, and he became immune to them some time ago.

'What are you laughing at?' the Ensign sat back in his chair, crossing his arms and pouting heavily, which just made Tom laugh even more.

'Oh Harry,' he chuckled. 'It's taken me longer than I want to admit to figure out who I want to be, and a lot of things had to happen in order for me to figure it out. What I learned is that it's a choice that you make every day about who you want to be and who you want to be it with. It means appreciating what's happened in your life to bring you to this point and throwing it out the airlock. Nobody's perfect, and everyone has crises like these when life gets a little too mainstream and boring for them.'

'So what you're trying to tell me is to let it all go?'

'Well, yeah,' Tom smiled. 'Take stock of your life, think about what's important to you, and let everything else go.'

'Okay then,' Harry said thoughtfully. 'I think I will; thanks, Tom. Really.' He stood up from his chair and turned to leave the Mess Hall.

'No sweat,' he shrugged. 'But Harry, do me a favour?'

The ensign turned to look at him.

'Take stock of your life away from me,' he smirked.

'You're an ass, Paris,' Harry rolled his eyes and laughed his way into the corridor.

Tom smirked and returned his gaze to the report he was reading; apparently he still had it.


	101. One More Chance

_**Haley James Scott 'One Tree Hill' – 'Love means giving chances when there are no more chances left to give'**_

**- J/C - post-Endgame -**

He stood out in her front garden in the pouring rain, afraid to disturb what looked like a family moment inside. He didn't care that it was raining, or that the global weather network couldn't stop this particular storm, or that he had ignored all of the warnings and ventured out unprotected in the first place.

Sometimes, other things were more important.

This time, he needed to talk to her, regardless of weather conditions.

But she was inside, and she had company, and he really didn't have the heart to disturb her first night with her family without the presence of others since their arrival home.

He didn't have the heart to disturb them, but she was the only person he could think about.

'Chakotay?'

His gaze moved from the window to her entryway, where she was standing in the open space where her door was moments ago.

'Oh, Chakotay,' she sighed at the broken look on his face. 'Come inside before you catch a chill.'

He moved silently; he hadn't wanted to interrupt her night, but clearly already having done so, he walked inside her house anyway. He couldn't care less that he was dripping all over her polished hardwood floors; he didn't really care about anything other than her in that moment.

She disappeared for a second, returning with a fluffy bath towel that she draped around his quivering shoulders. 'Here, wrap this around you while I replicate you a change of clothes.'

He nodded blankly, not moving even when she came back with an outfit similar to what he'd wear off duty on _Voyager_. She pressed them into his hands and steered him towards the bathroom, wordlessly indicating for him to take care of himself.

As the door closed, she let out a sigh; something had obviously happened, and apparently she had to deal with it. She pondered asking her mother to leave, but the door opened before she could act on her thought.

'Feeling better?' she asked with a smile.

'Oh Kathryn,' he sighed, stepping immediately to embrace her. 'Seven dumped me.'

In that moment, she knew everything that was going on in his mind, and knew without a doubt that she was the only one who could calm his soul.

It didn't matter that he had betrayed her by starting a relationship with the woman she considered her daughter, or that everything the Admiral had told her influenced a multitude of decisions and feelings.

It didn't matter, because in the end, he still chose her, and in that moment, he redeemed himself in a way she never thought he could.

They had one more chance to be together, a chance at love neither thought they would ever have again.

'It's okay now,' she whispered into his chest. She could feel his tears drop into her hair, but couldn't bring herself to care. 'I've got you. Everything will work out, just you see.'

'I love you, Kathryn; thank you.'

'Oh Chakotay, I love you too.'


	102. Realising

_**Data 'The Next Generation' – It is the struggle itself that is the most important. We must strive to be more than we are. It does not matter that we will never reach our ultimate goal. The effort yields its own rewards.**_

**- Chakotay - post-Endgame -**

'It was never about the destination, it was always about the journey.'

It took him more than a few hours after they'd disembarked and been in-processed through Starfleet Medical to make that realisation. In his defence, they'd been incredibly busy, making sure the ship was fully evacuated, going through the process of checking everyone in and then through from the bottom up, with him and the Captain always the last to go through.

He couldn't help but feel more than a little disappointed; somehow, the grass wasn't as green, the air didn't smell the same, and everything looked a little smaller than he remembered it.

But then he looked around the banquet hall, the only place at Headquarters outside the Academy large enough to hold them all at one time in a casual manner, and saw the crew milling around in one complete group for the first time in years, all easily distinguishable by their out-dated uniforms. It was a thing of beauty, to see them all finally back on Earth, all together, with odd family members scattered throughout the ranks.

As he scanned their faces, he catalogued their emotions; happiness and joy were common, but hidden behind the wide smiles, bright eyes and sense of accomplishment, he could see shadows of disappointment and regret lingering.

Nothing would ever be the same anymore, no matter how hard they tried. Everything would be different, and there wasn't a whole lot he could do about it.

It had taken them seven years, 75,000 lightyears, more away missions, red alerts and burials in space than anyone wanted to admit, but they had finally completed their journey and reached their destination.

It had taken them seven years and 75,000 lightyears for him to realise it wasn't about the destination, it was always about the journey.

And he found himself wishing their journey had never ended.


	103. Risking Faith

_**John Carter 'ER' – I'm just saying there's a risk in anything you do, right? But don't you want to stack the odds in your favour? I mean, I'm drawn to you. It's kind of that simple. I've been drawn to you for two years, but chaos always seems to rule, and I don't want it to rule. I want to know where it's taking me.**_

**- Harry/OFC - future -**

'Why shouldn't we take the risk?' she asked.

Harry Kim, for the life of him, couldn't remember just how he'd landed himself in this position.

Upon _Voyager_'s return, he had located his fiancé in order to break off their engagement, only to find her married to another man. It didn't hurt him as much as it should have, and he found he didn't mind letting her go. They were both different people now, and he couldn't imagine spending any more time with the musician than the quick 'goodbye' conversation they had.

One could say it was fate that he met her. Well, not met, more like thrust upon. One weeknight visit to the real Sandrine's in Marseille, France, where a pool tournament featuring the senior officers, among other patrons, turned rowdier than usual, and Harry ended up with a woman in his arms when the fighting broke out.

Lieutenant Faith O'Connell, an aide to one of the Admirals at HQ, had fiery red hair that tumbled in ringlets down the middle of her back, stopping just above her waistline, fair skin free from blemishes, and bright blue eyes that reminded him of the beaches in Neelix's resort program.

They hit it off immediately, and a little over two years later, Lieutenant Commander Harry James Kim found himself proposing to his Irish girlfriend, despite the deep-space mission he was setting out on in six weeks' time.

'We should take the risk, because if there's anything I've learned in my time in Starfleet, is that you can't take anything for granted. Space is big and dangerous and we have too many enemies out there wanting to kill us to ignore the better things in life. It sucks, going back to empty quarters at the end of a long duty shift, resigned to being alone for the rest of the assignment. Faith, I'm drawn to you. It's that simple. I've been drawn to you for two years, and I don't want to let you go.'

She stared at him, jaw dropped open, speechless for once as they sat under a tree on the grounds of the Presidio.

'Well,' Harry prompted, holding out an old-fashioned diamond engagement ring to her. 'Faith Siobhan O'Connell, will you do the honour of becoming my wife and joining me on _Voyager_'s deep-space mission?'

Slowly, a smile crept across her features, and before she knew it, her hand was inching towards his to accept the yellow gold ring. 'Yes,' she whispered.

'What?'

'Yes,' Faith repeated louder, moving her gaze to meet his. 'Yes, I will marry you!'

'And _Voyager_?'

'Of course I'll join the mission, you silly goose,' she grabbed his face, pulling him into a deep kiss. 'How else am I supposed to keep all the wrong women away from my fiancé?'

For once, Harry didn't have to worry about hooking up with the wrong woman, and with Faith by his side, he never would have to again.


	104. Bigger Person

_**Malcolm Reynolds 'Firefly' – So why don't we just ignore each other until we go away**_

**- J/C - late series -**

She'd gone and done it behind his back again.

He'd lost track of just how many times she'd acted without so much as consulting him, citing the well-being of the crew as her justification for her actions this time.

Of course, he didn't believe her for a second, and he was fairly certain she knew that.

So, yet again, the tension on the Bridge was so thick it could be cut with a blunt butter knife, and it would still be there.

Everyone could feel it, and for once no one was stupid enough to say anything about it.

He just sat there, going through reports and all but ignoring her, waiting for her to step up and apologize.

He was over being the bigger person in this relationship.

Sometimes, she needed to face the consequences of her actions; sometimes that meant facing the silent treatment until she admitted defeat.


	105. The Hardest Part

_**The Second Doctor 'Doctor Who' – We are all just stories in the end**_

**- Tom Paris - future -**

It felt so different nowadays. One moment, he was a young, thirty-something officer returning home from the journey of a lifetime, happily married with a newborn daughter, and now…

Now, it was different.

He sat in the wooden rocking chair on the back deck of what used to be his house, and was now his granddaughter's, watching his great-grandchildren play in the yard before the weather descended into winter and they could play no longer.

It was different, because even though he was surrounded by his family, he was alone.

His wife had died in an industrial accident almost fifteen years before, testing a newer transwarp drive or something, along with seventeen-or-so other engineers at Utopia Planetia. His best friend barely remembered who he was any more, let alone his family or the man he'd known for close to seventy years.

Everyone from the good old days, before he turned one hundred, were either dead, suffering from some neurological disease, or scattered across the galaxy.

'How's it going, Pops?' Sophia, the granddaughter whose home he now lived in, sat down on a chair beside him, passing over a cup of coffee.

'It could be better,' Tom Paris sighed. 'It could always be better.'

'What's on your mind?'

'Oh, just the usual,' he shrugged. 'You know, your parents, grandmother, the rest of the family.'

'The good old days?'

'Always the good old days,' he couldn't help but smile.

'Wanna talk about it?'

'Not really,' he shook his head. 'You wouldn't understand.'

'Try me.'

'We're all just stories in the end,' Tom sighed heavily. 'And that's the hardest part.'


	106. Late Night Talks

_**Barney Stinson 'How I Met Your Mother' – It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows.**_

**- Paris/Kim - implied P/T - post-Drive -**

It had been a while, longer than either wanted to admit, but that night Tom and Harry found themselves sitting in a booth at Sandrine's, drinking one of Paris' hidden bottles of real alcohol. He obviously hadn't brought them from Earth, rather having procured them from some planet they'd visited during their journey.

'So,' Tom started, draining his glass and refilling it. 'How's things?'

Harry scoffed, almost spitting his drink out across the table. 'Tom, we live on a starship with about 150 other people. Everyone knows everything that's going on with each other's lives; and you ask me 'how's things'?'

'It's a legitimate question,' he smiled.

'Yeah, on a ship the size of the _Enterprise_, maybe,' Harry smirked. 'But not _Voyager_. You just want to avoid talking about yourself.'

The silence said it all.

'Okay then,' Harry sighed. 'What did she do this time?'

'It's not what she has or hasn't done,' Tom sighed and stared into the bottom of his glass, the alcohol, which he likened to whiskey, not having kicked in very well yet. 'I just don't think she realises it yet.'

'Realises what?'

'Just how much she means to me; just how much I love her.'

'You've only been married for a few days, Tom,' Harry refilled his own glass, topping up the pilot's. 'Give her some time. After all, she wouldn't have married you if she didn't love you back.'

'Yeah,' Tom lost himself in the depths of the alcohol. 'It's just… I think she takes me for granted sometimes.'

'Do you take her for granted?'

'Occasionally.'

'Well, I don't see the problem then. As long as both of you go home to the other, to the one you love, then nothing else matters.'

'Yeah, I suppose,' Paris sighed again.

They sat in companionable silence a few minutes longer, both lost in their own thoughts and drinks, before Tom emptied his glass and stood up.

'Well, I'm gonna go home and remind my wife just how much I love her,' he announced, slapping his glass down on the table, but picking up the half-filled bottle of alcohol. 'That, and return this to its hiding place.'

'You do that,' Harry smirked. 'I'm gonna hang out here for a while longer.'

'Harry, Harry, Harry,' Tom sighed. 'You're never going to find yourself a girl if you stay cooped up in an empty bar forever.'

'I've gone through every available woman on this ship, or have you forgotten,' Harry bit back. 'I think I'll have better luck with women once we get home.'

'Not gonna argue with you there, buddy,' Tom chuckled and shook his head, patting Harry on the shoulder before walking out of the bar. 'Have a good night!'

'Yeah,' he raised a hand to wave, but it was already too late. 'You too.'

Maybe he was right, and the perfect woman was waiting for him back home, one who would love him as much as B'Elanna loved Tom.


	107. Life's Plan

_**Ephram Brown 'Everwood' – I mean, everybody's got that picture in their mind. The one of, you know, how they think their life's supposed to be**_

**- P/T - between Drive and Lineage -**

'It wasn't supposed to happen like this.'

B'Elanna looked up from the report she was reading whilst eating dinner with a questioning look on her face. 'Excuse me?'

'Life,' Tom shrugged. 'It wasn't supposed to happen this way.'

'Oh, like you are the type of person to follow the plan your father laid out for you,' she scoffed in return. 'So hypocritical.'

'That's not what I meant and you know it,' he sighed in return. 'I just didn't see this happening,' he gestured around them.

'Us?'

'Yeah, sort of,' he ran a hand through his hair. 'I mean, one minute I'm in Auckland, resigned to the fact that I belong to the Federation for the foreseeable future, and the next thing, our lives have changed and we're here, on the other side of the galaxy, starting our lives over instead of running from our pasts.'

'You say that like it's a bad thing…'

'What?' Tom looked up suddenly, meeting his wife's eyes. 'It's the best thing that could have ever happened to us. I know I'd rather be here than FPS Auckland, and I'm sure you do too.'

'That's an understatement,' she scoffed.

'And that's what I mean,' he reached across the table to clasp her hand in his. 'Everybody's got that picture in their mind, the way life's supposed to go, the plan it's supposed to follow. I'm glad we've had this opportunity to start from scratch, because the plan I have now is so much better than it ever was before.'

'Oh really?'

'Yeah,' he smiled widely. 'My plan's better now, because it includes you.'

'Thanks, Flyboy,' she smiled back at him. 'My plan includes you too.'


	108. Disaster

_**Veronica Mars 'Veronica Mars' – After disaster strikes, the important thing is that you move on**_

**- B'Elanna Torres - post-Caretaker - **

***profanity warning*  
**

It was a disaster.

That was the only way she could describe their new situation; a fucking _disaster_.

That woman, the one Chakotay had the balls to call 'Captain', was the reason for this whole disaster.

Now, they were stranded.

Stranded.

In the fucking _Delta Quadrant_, of all places.

It was a nightmare, a disaster, and any other word you could possibly call it.

She ran her hands through her hair, tugging on it a little, the pain reminding her that she's still alive, no matter how unfortunate she may feel about that.

It was a disaster.

But, rather than dwell on her new living situation, she donned her newly replicated Starfleet uniform, complete with a field commission of Lieutenant JG, and made her way to the Bridge.

It may have been a disaster, but it was a disaster she couldn't help but be a part of.

And, all she could do was make the best of the situation and move on.


	109. The Hard Choice

_**Jack Harkness 'Torchwood' – Going home wouldn't fix that. Being here, I've seen things I never dreamed I'd see, loved people, people I never would have known if I'd stayed where I was. And I wouldn't change that for the world.**_

**- P/T/K - Endgame tag -**

The discovery of the Borg transwarp hub was certainly a discovery to take note of, he thought. He sat in the corner of the mess hall, the one where Neelix had previously installed a few couches, and sighed as he stared out the window. The nebula made for something good to look at, which was a great change from the warped starscape they were used to, but still, what was inside the nebula was worrying him.

He could see both sides of the argument; Harry's wanting to go home, to take the shortcut they'd spent the last seven years looking for, and the Captain's; it was a huge risk, and the odds of their survival were next to nothing, even with the chance to deliver a crippling blow to the Borg in the process. It was a hard choice to make, and he was glad the Captain had given them until 1700 to think about it, before the choice was put to a vote.

'Mind if I join you, Flyboy?'

Tom Paris looked up to see his very pregnant wife standing next to him, nursing a cup of what could only be raktajino, despite the daughter she was incubating. 'You're always welcome to join me,' he said, but without the usual warmth and smile that she was accustomed to.

'It's a hard choice, isn't it?' she certainly didn't beat around the bush, especially when time was of the essence.

'It sure is,' he sighed, his eyes never leaving the warm colours of the nebula, the one whose core hosted the scourge of the galaxy.

'Are you guys thinking about what the Captain said too?' Harry's voice appeared behind them.

'Sit down, Harry,' B'Elanna gestured to the empty space next to her.

They sat in silence for a while; time seemed to have no meaning as they were left to their thoughts, all just watching the coloured vista in front of them.

'I'm glad I found you,' Tom spoke suddenly, rubbing his hand over his unborn daughter. B'Elanna looked to him, her eyebrow cocked. 'You're my family, you're all I need,' he shrugged.

'But you have a family at home too,' Harry spoke up. 'We all do; friends, family, loved ones; we all left behind people, Tom.'

'Going home wouldn't fix that,' he sighed, sitting up to look at them both. 'Being here, I've seen things I've never dreamt of, loved you, met people I never would have known if I'd stayed where I was. And I wouldn't change that for the world, or for a miniscule chance of defeating the Borg and living to tell the tale.'

They all sighed, lost in his words. He was right; they'd become a family despite the circumstances, and family was what mattered most.

'What if I told you there was a way we could do both?'

The three officers turned in their seats to see both their Captain, and her future self, standing behind them.

'I have an idea.'


	110. Flaming Demise

_**Wash 'Firefly' – Don't know. I'm starting to like this poetry thing. 'Here lies my beloved, my autumn flower… somewhat less attractive now that she's all corpsified and gross'**_

**- Paris/Janeway - implied P/T - future -**

The patio was his favourite place on the grounds of his parent's home on the outskirts of Santa Cruz, California. He enjoyed watching his children, nieces and nephews scattered as far as the eye could see, enjoying playing in the open air, unrestricted by time, boundaries and the burden of being children of public figures. He enjoyed watching them utilise the treehouse that had been built for him when they were his age, playing make-believe games, running around, and just having fun.

'Penny for your thoughts, Mr Paris?'

The familiar, if not slightly gravelly and definitely older voice, put a smile on his face immediately, and he turned to see Kathryn Janeway weaving her way through assorted family members to claim the empty Adirondack chair next to him.

'Oh, they're worth much more than that,' he smirked. 'Unless, of course, you ask my wife; then, they're worth nothing at all.'

Kathryn chuckled as she slid into the seat, nursing a glass of champagne. 'Why are we here celebrating, anyway?'

'Well,' Tom shrugged. 'You know I left Starfleet shortly after Owen was born, so that B'Elanna could continue to do what she loved, and I could raise our family and write holonovels. It's been a long ten years, but now we have five wonderful children, she's pretty high up in SCE, and I've just expanded the Captain Proton empire to the point where it's time for it to retire, so I can start on something new.'

'So we're celebrating the final demise of the protector of the universe?' she chuckled.

'Spaceman First Class, Protector of Earth, Scourge of Intergalactic Evil,' he winked at her. 'But yes, the Cosmos had run out of stories to tell, and adventures to be held. That, and the kids want me to write something geared more towards them and their friends,' he shrugged.

'You know, I always knew literary arts were your forte, but I wouldn't have pegged you for a poet,' Kathryn smirked over the rim of her champagne flute.

'You taught me well,' Tom shrugged. 'But I am starting to like this poetry thing, especially with the demise of Captain Proton.'

He drew the attention of the gathered family as he stood up, raising his glass and gesturing to the large poster of his famed holonovel series. From out of seemingly nowhere, he flicked a match at the poster, and Captain Proton, sidekick and all, burst into flames. 'My friends, my family; here lies my beloved, my autumn flower, my sanity amidst the chaos of the unknown, somewhat less attractive now that he's all corpsified and gross.'

Kathryn chuckled as everyone erupted in a cheer, basking in the flaming glory that was Captain Proton. She raised her glass, the smile never leaving her face, 'To the demise of Captain Proton!'

'And to the Delta Quadrant, for without our journey, we wouldn't be a family,' Tom added, wrapping an arm around his wife.

'Cheers!'


	111. Discovery

_**Barney Stinson 'How I Met your Mother' – Sometimes we search for one thing but discover another**_

**- Harry Kim - implied Harry/Faith - post-Endgame -**

In all the years, of all the away missions and alien races, with every mistake he'd made, he never thought it would come down to this.

Somehow, deep down, he knew she wouldn't be waiting for him. Somehow, he knew she would move on with someone new.

And somehow, he was okay with that.

He wasn't the same man who shipped out for his first posting after Academy graduation, and she wasn't the same woman he'd been engaged to at the time.

Seven years, and 70,000 lightyears, would do that to people and relationships.

So, after everything had been said and done and they'd been finally released for long-service leave, he didn't find himself calling on her to apologise. That flame had long since been extinguished, and it was for the better.

He found himself taking a transport to Marseilles, France, and locating the real Sandrine's bar. He didn't know what he was searching for, but he knew he had some healing to do.

He didn't count on finding her, and he certainly didn't count on falling in love with her.

It's funny how man sometimes searches for one thing and discovers another.


	112. Butterflies

_**Doug Witter 'Dawson's Creek' – You know, that's maybe what sucks most about getting older. Somewhere along the way you just lose the butterflies**_

**I swear, give these two an inch and they'll take a mile.**

**- J/C - future -**

Spring in Indiana was always her favourite time of year; ever since she was a little girl, amazed by the butterflies and other assorted creatures awakening from their winter slumber, she spent a lot of time outside, studying in the sun surrounded by the fluttering lifeforms.

Spring in Indiana as a grown woman hadn't changed very much, she was delighted to discover. As an adult, she tried to read as many reports as she could get away with whilst enjoying the warmth of the sun and freshness of the breeze, choosing to multitask as much as possible without getting caught.

That was where he found her upon his return from visiting his sister and her family on Trebus, stretched out on a lounge chair under the shade of a tree in her mother's backyard.

'I thought someone as pale as you would be hiding from the threat of sunburn,' he called out.

Kathryn sat up in shock, not expecting to hear her former first officer's voice at her childhood home, but smiled when she saw him leaning against a tree. He was wearing a flowing white cheesecloth shirt and beige khakis, an outfit she knew he favoured in the warmth, and felt her heart flutter at the sight of him.

'Chakotay,' she greeted him warmly. 'It's been too long. How's Sekaya and the rest of your family?'

'Well,' he nodded, slipping into the lounge next to hers. 'She's the most prominent spiritual advisor for the tribe, but you and I both know I didn't hunt you down just to talk about my family.'

'Fine,' she raised her glass at him, 'you caught me.'

'That I finally did.'

'I suppose it's time to tell everyone then?'

He shrugged. 'Most of them are just waiting for confirmation, really. I'm fairly certain Tom Paris would like to close out the only remaining betting pool.'

'I'm sure he does,' she laughed. He couldn't help but fall further in love with her as she laughed; she sounded so carefree away from the restrictions of command.

'Why does this feel like we're co-signing a report?' he reached for her hand. She grasped his willingly, sitting up to get a little closer to him.

'Maybe because we just postponed the inevitable,' she shrugged. 'And, it's what sucks about getting older. Somewhere along the way, you lose the butterflies.'

'I think we still have some butterflies left in us,' he gestured around them. 'But you're right.'

'Of course I am.'

'Does that mean we can finally wear these on something that's not a chain around our necks?' he pulled a thin gold chain out from under his shirt, the gold wedding band reflecting the sunlight back at her.

'Only if you put it where it's supposed to be,' she pulled a matching chain and ring out from under her own shirt.

'It would be my pleasure.'


	113. Helping

_**Mr Gold 'Once Upon A Time' – I know that you're confused about who you are, so I'm going to tell you. You are a hero who helped your people**_

**- Chakotay/Torres - Workforce tag -**

She was fighting him. He always knew she was going to fight him; even when she wasn't herself, she was still B'Elanna Torres, and she would always fight for herself.

She fought him to the beam-out point, and fought him in the transporter room. She fought him when he sedated her, with the help of the Doctor, and she fought that much harder when she came out of sedation.

He could tell she was confused, that despite his reassurances she still didn't recognise the starship she called home. He could tell she still hadn't regained her memory, that she didn't recognise the man she called a mentor, a friend.

'What have you done to me?' she growled from the biobed. 'Where have you taken me?'

It took all of his strength and self-restraint not to grip her forearms any harder than he already was, even though he knew he had to shake some sense into her, especially before he went back down to the planet's surface.

'I know how you feel,' his voice was soothing but not condescending, and even though she swore she didn't know him, she felt she could trust him. 'I know you're confused about who you are, so I'm going to tell you. You are a hero who helped your people, even if you don't know it yet.'

He felt the fight in her lessen just a little, her eyes softening as they bore into his, and he smiled softly before letting her go. 'You helped our people, now it's my turn.'

He fought the instinct to look back at her lost face as he strode out the doors and away from her.

It was time to help everyone else.


	114. Catching Faith

_**Future Ted 'How I Met Your Mother' – It was like something from an old movie, where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, turns to his buddy and says, 'See that girl? I'm gonna marry her someday.'**_

**This one goes with 'Risking Faith'**

**- Harry Kim/OFC - future -**

It was like something from one of Tom's old black-and-white films, one he and B'Elanna had somehow coerced him into watching one off duty night a few years ago on _Voyager_. The sailor is with his friends at a bar, and a woman walks in. Somehow, she draws his attention away from his friends and that makes an impression on him. The sailor sits and stares at her across the bar for a while before turning to his buddy and saying, 'See that girl? I'm gonna marry her someday.'

For Harry, considering that particular movie had slipped his mind, this moment held a certain feeling of déjà vu.

He'd been knocked out of the pool tournament in one of the earlier rounds as usual, especially considering Tom and Admiral Janeway were playing, but he never minded supporting his best friend from the sidelines. They were at Sandrine's, the real one in Marseille, France, where old rivalries had the Admiral telling Tom to put 'his credits where his mouth is,' and there the tournament began again. It was a ritual they had started a few months after their return, and they used it as an excuse to leave rank at the door and spend time together, not that they ever needed an excuse.

This particular night, Sandrine had brought out the real alcohol a little earlier than usual, the patrons of the night were mixed in with the officers, and everyone was having a good time. It wasn't until a newcomer to the tournament said something he shouldn't have that the former _Voyager_ senior officers took offence to, and the tournament went from being a friendly competition to an all-out bar fight.

Harry was trying to stay out of the way; he was guest lecturing at the Academy in the morning, and couldn't afford a visit to the Doc should a stray flying fist come his way.

As he avoided what would surely become a reason for security to intervene, he ducked around a support pole only to get a mouthful of fiery red hair as a woman fell into his arms.

'Oh, I'm sorry.'

The owner of the red hair turned around, and Harry was immediately captivated by her eyes; the blue reminded him of the resort program Neelix had run in the holodeck during the early years of their journey.

'Not at all,' Harry smiled. 'I guess we both had the same thought; get away from the fight before we have to endure an embarrassing lecture from the doctor in the morning.'

He was rewarded with a laugh, one of the most beautiful things he had ever heard, and he couldn't help but flash her his most charming smile.

'Forgive me for not introducing myself,' he offered his hand. 'Lieutenant Harry Kim.'

'Lieutenant Faith O'Connell,' she smiled at him. 'Thank you for catching me.'

Harry smiled back at her, and though he knew he'd regret his next words, he did it anyway. 'I'll always be here to catch you.'


	115. Training Wheels

_**Tom Paris 'Voyager' – Courage doesn't mean that you don't have fear; it means that you've learned to overcome it**_

**- Any pairing - father/daughter moment - future -**

'But Daddy, I'm scared.'

He looked into his daughter's eyes, the eyes she inherited from her mother, and he smiled. 'Oh, it's okay, Bumblebee, I know you can do it.'

'But what if I fall?'

She'd been riding her bicycle for a while now, and it was finally the time to remove her training wheels; but now that the moment had arrived, she was a little apprehensive.

'Then I'll be here to catch you,' he smiled. 'Remember what we talked about?'

'That I'm courageous and awesome and have the heart of a lion,' she smiled widely at him, the toothy grin reminding him of the 'tooth fairy's visit the previous week.

'That's right,' he stroked her back. 'You don't have to be afraid, but even if you are, just remember Daddy is always here for you.'

'Okay Daddy,' she smiled at him again. She sat firmly astride the bike, her eyes focusing with that determined glint she also inherited from her mother. 'I'm ready.'

He sighed; his little girl was growing up, and as she started peddling down the path, he ran alongside her like all good fathers do. He could see the moment when she realised she could do it, that she was no longer afraid, and that was when he slowed to a stop and let her peddle on without him.

In a sense, he was losing his training wheels too.


	116. Time to Let Go

_**Paul '8 Simple Rules' – You mom also said I was ready for fatherhood**_

**This one goes along with 'Training Wheels'**

**- Any pairing - father/daughter moment - future -**

'I'm not sure I'm ready for this.'

'Aw, Dad, grow a pair will you,' she whined. 'It's just prom, it's not like I'm getting married or anything.'

'But, it seems like a moment ago, I was nursing you through your first breakup.'

'Dad that was four years ago, and it's not like you were fond of Thomas anyway.'

'Maybe because he and I share the same name,' he muttered.

'Dad!'

'I know, I know,' he ran a hand through his thinning hair. 'You're right.'

'Plus, it's not like this is the last time you're going to go through this.'

'That's not the point; you're my baby, my little girl. I'm not ready for you to be all grown up yet.'

'Dad, I'm sixteen; there's plenty of growing up left for me to do,' she sighed. 'Mom also says you need to grow a pair because it's time to let me go.'

'Well, your mom also said I was ready for fatherhood; look where that got me.'

'I think I grew up pretty well, don't you.'

'Stop being cheeky,' he smiled. 'You look beautiful, by the way.'

'Thank you, Daddy.'

'And you'll always be my little girl, remember that.'

'I will.'

'And I'll always be here to catch you.'

'I know. Have a good night, Dad.'

'You too, Bumblebee.'


	117. Waiting for Love

_**Lux 'Life UneXpected' - **__**And when those unknowns are too overwhelming, it's the constants that we have to hold onto. Like our friends. The ones who are not afraid to tell us that there's no such thing as normal. The ones who have been in our lives for every minute with you, even the hardest minutes. Like those who could have walked away, but chose to stick around. Even though they had their own lives, families. Their own children. Like our parents, because we wouldn't be here without them. Who pick us up when we fall, who come when we call them, who answer the door when we knock.**_

**- Paris/Kim - implied Harry/Faith - future -**

It was the middle of the night, and the rapid knock at the door was disturbing their nightly routine.

It wasn't really a knock, more of a pair of fists pounding on the ornately carved old-school wooden door enclosing the house.

'I'm coming,' he called from the kitchen, looking around to find a towel to dry his hands. 'Hold your horses, geez.'

'Tom Paris, you'd better open this door soon, or I swear I'll…'

'You'll what?' he opened the door, leaning casually on the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. 'You'll hit me? I'd like to see you try.'

'Don't try me, Paris,' Harry Kim pushed his way inside his best friend's home.

'Why are you here tonight, anyway?' Tom couldn't help but wonder. 'And keep it down a bit; we only just got the little monster down to sleep.'

The younger man nodded as Tom led him over to the kitchen table, pausing to pull a couple of beers out of the refrigerator. They sat at the wooden table, handcrafted by their former first officer himself, until Harry was ready to talk.

'I think I'm in love,' Harry sighed eventually.

Oh no, Tom knew what this meant. Everyone knew of Harry's track record with women, and he really didn't want his friend, his brother, to end up with yet another broken heart. So, again, he just sat there, waiting for Harry to speak his mind.

'I think it's actually real this time,' it came out barely louder than a whisper. 'She's not a twin, or an alien, former Borg or anything like the mistakes I made over and over again.'

'Okay then,' Tom smiled. 'Do I need to meet her? Is that why you're here at 2100 on a Tuesday night?'

Harry sighed, losing himself in the abyss of his beer and his thoughts again, and Tom knew better than to disturb him when he had that look on his face.

'It's just… I don't know. From the moment we met, we just had this connection, and every time we meet or talk, it just gets better between us. I've never felt like that before.'

Tom smiled, and tried valiantly to hide the grin behind his beer bottle. Oh yeah, Harry was in love all right; it was just like him and B'E all over again, just without the violence and with the support of the family.

'I think I'm in love, Tom, but I don't know what to do about it.'

'That's what I'm here for, buddy,' Tom slung an arm around the younger man's shoulders. 'To make sure you don't screw this up, because if she's as great as you say she is, then we'd better get used to her being around. After all, it sounds like the family's getting another member.'

Harry smiled, a warm, natural and genuine one, for the first time that night, and in that moment, he made his decision.

'Tom, I think it's time you and B'Elanna met Faith.'


	118. Asking for Trouble

_**Robin Scherbatsky 'How I Met Your Mother' – The future is scary, but you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar**_

**- Chakotay POV - Captain Janeway vs. Admiral Janeway - Endgame tag -**

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. His eyes had to be deceiving him. They had to be.

But, he remembered the events of the previous few hours, and he knew his eyes were telling the truth.

It should have been impossible, but it wasn't.

Kathryn Janeway standing toe to toe with Kathryn Janeway, albeit her future counterpart.

It was like a scene from one of Paris' old films.

A horror film.

They were arguing about the Borg, the nebula, and the future, the Admiral's future, of all things.

One Kathryn Janeway was hard enough for him to handle; two was just asking for trouble.

An infinite amount of trouble.

He was sitting on the sofa in her ready room, just watching the two of them arguing. He wasn't really listening, just watching them was enough, because hearing phrases such as 'future' and 'past', 'regret' and 'home', amongst others, were enough to tell him to stay out of it.

Needless to say, they were in for an interesting few days, especially if the Admiral was around.


	119. Wondering

_**Frankie Maddox 'Frankie' – I'm such a fool. For five minutes there, I thought he was the one**_

**- Harry Kim - post-The Disease - **

He knew the lecture was coming, how could he not.

He had broken all sorts of protocols and rules and even disobeyed orders from his Captain.

He was a disgrace, and he knew it.

But, he couldn't help but wonder; what if it had ended differently?

If he weren't a Starfleet officer, bound by orders and duty.

If he weren't so biologically incompatible with her, where a relationship would require all or nothing.

If he weren't so attached to the ship and the crew, and loyal to the Captain.

Could he have left it all behind for love, for a woman?

That was the question.

He tuned himself back into the lecture the Captain was giving him, and immediately he knew the answer.

For a moment, or a few minutes, he really thought she was the one.

Then he remembered everything he would be leaving behind, just for the chance to be with a woman, in a relationship that might not even work out, and he was glad of the choice he made.


	120. Pain of Not Knowing

_**Baze 'Life UneXpected' – I thought that if I gave it time, the feelings would go away, but after the last two days, I don't know if I want the feelings to go away.**_

**- Chakotay - implied J/C - Resolutions tag -**

He had a feeling, being stranded on this planet together.

They were there, alone but for the local fauna. She had given up on the illusion of a command structure two days ago; he was now used to calling her by her given name.

They were alone, and he had this feeling.

Well, feelings, really.

Plural.

He didn't know when he first realised said feelings, but he did know he admitted their existence to himself after her second near-death experience in under two years.

By his count, they were at four apiece, not counting the times where they were in trouble together.

And not counting this time either.

He knew she shared his feelings, at least in some small part, but always hid them under the pretence of the command mask.

But here, on New Earth, without the restrictions of Starfleet rules and regulations, without the confines of their command structure, he wanted their feelings to develop.

Being on _Voyager_, he knew they could never be together, and willed his feelings to go away.

But here, on New Earth, he didn't know if he wanted the feelings to go away.

He didn't know at all.

And the pain of not knowing made his acting on the feelings so much harder.


	121. A Matter of Time

_**Frank 'ER' – Y**__**ou know, I always believed that nothing ever really changed. I'm old enough that I know that there's always gonna be trouble. War, taxes. Bad guys now are pretty much the same as bad guys have always been. That's not how I feel today. I feel like the world is getting worse and worse and worse. And that what we're watching is the slow, steady descent of the human race**_

**- Chakotay - pre-series -**

He was lucky to have a break between classes, because he didn't know if he could teach in that moment.

Watching the FNS live news feed, he knew things for his family on Dorvan IV, and the surrounding colonies, would not end well.

The Cardassians were power-hungry and aggressive, and even their defeat and banishment from Bajor wasn't enough to fully knock them down for good.

This 'Demilitarized Zone' business would not end well for anyone not on the Federation's side of the border, he could tell so already. The colonists stood to gain nothing from the betrayal of the Federation; he didn't need to be an expert tactician to know that.

It would only be a matter of time until the Cardassians began their occupation of the planets traded to them, and it would only be a matter of time until the casualty reports started trickling in.

People would fight back, but it wouldn't be enough; nothing would ever be enough whilst the DMZ was in effect.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He felt like everything was getting worse and worse and with every border skirmish the universe was getting smaller and smaller.

He felt like he was watching the slow, steady descent of civilisation, and there was nothing he could do about it.


	122. Dying Message Revised

_**Toshiko Sato 'Torchwood' – O**__**kay. So, if you're seeing this, I guess it means I'm, well, dead. Hope it was impressive! Not crossing the road or an 'incident' with a toaster. I just wanted to say, it's okay, it really is. You saved me. You showed me all the wonders of the universe and all those possibilities. And I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Thank you.**_

**- P/T - Once Upon A Time tag -**

'Ugh.'

'Tom?'

The lights above him were hurting his eyes, but he could feel the pressure of her hand on his. It was comforting, knowing that she was there beside him on what should have, but all accounts, been his deathbed.

But she saved him. Well, Tuvok and Sam as well.

But it was her. _She_ was the one to save him, he knew it.

'Hey,' he moaned, trying to open his eyes despite the pain.

'I'm so glad you're alive,' she smiled. He could see the tears in her eyes, gallantly holding them back so none would drop.

'Me too,' he smiled at her.

'But if you ever do that to me again,' she punched him in the arm. 'I will hurt you.'

Tom smiled at her before closing his eyes and drifting back to sleep again. He was glad he wasn't leaving her, that he didn't have to say goodbye.

Wait.

'The message,' he whispered.

'What?' B'Elanna turned around, making her way back to his biobed.

'I recorded a goodbye message to you,' he admitted sheepishly. She glared at him. 'What? Life support was failing, and we thought we were going to die!'

'I suppose it went something like "Here I die, surrounded not by fire, but by fifty kilotons of benamite. Not the way I wanted, but it's for the best,"' she mocked him.

'Not quite,' he dropped the smile from his face. 'I just want you to know how much you mean to me, B'E.'

'Oh, Flyboy, don't be so melodramatic. You'll live to die another day.'

'Ooh, nice Bond reference,' he smiled. 'Anyway, I'm going to delete that message, first chance I have. After all, why say goodbye when I'm still here to love you.'

'Not if I get to the message first,' she smiled at him, slowly inching her way out of Sickbay backwards.

'Don't you dare, Torres!' he shouted. 'Get back here! Torres! B'Elanna!'


	123. Meltdown

_**Mr Burns 'The Simpsons' – Oh, 'meltdown'. It's one of those annoying buzzwords. We prefer to call it an 'unrequested fission surplus'.**_

**- Paris/Torres/Janeway - late season 7 -**

'Mr Paris, if I'm not mistaken, your duty shift was over almost six hours ago.'

Tom spun around on his chair at the conn, not entirely surprised to see the Captain on the Bridge, despite it being towards the end of beta shift.

'Yeah, about that,' he smiled.

'What happened now?' Kathryn ran a hand through her hair.

'B'Elanna may have had a meltdown in Engineering earlier…'

'And you thought you'd escape your very pregnant wife by doing a double shift on the Bridge,' she fell into her favourite stance: legs shoulder width apart, hands firmly on hips. The disapproving 'Janeway glare' was firmly trained on the pilot, who atleast had the decency to look sheepish.

'Well… when you put it that way…'

'That's exactly what he did.'

Kathryn turned around to see said very pregnant engineer stepping out of a turbolift at the back of the bridge, the anger radiating in waves from her body.

'Hi honey,' Tom smiled nervously. 'How you doing?'

'How am I doing?' she stormed down to the lower level. 'How am I doing?! Your daughter is playing soccer with my bladder and tennis with my hormones! How do you think I'm doing?'

'See why I'm hiding from the meltdown up here?' Tom tried to murmur unsuccessfully.

'Meltdown!' Torres screeched. 'You call this a meltdown? Just you wait, Flyboy. I'll show you a meltdown!'

The junior officers on duty had the sense to look away whilst she stormed from the Bridge, her tirade disappearing with the closure of the turbolift doors.

'Well, Tom, you certainly walked right into that one,' Janeway smirked.

'Yeah, I know,' the pilot sighed. 'Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the meltdown.'

'Oh meltdown,' the Captain chuckled. 'It's one of those annoying buzzwords. We women prefer to call it an "unrequested fission surplus". You'd do well to remember that around your wife.'

'Yeah, I have a feeling there's a lot of things I'd do well to remember around her,' Tom sighed.

'Well, Mr Paris, I'll give you some time to think on that,' Kathryn smiled, walking up to the turbolift. 'In the meantime, you have the Bridge.'

'Yes ma'am.'

As tom moved from the conn to the command chair, he pondered just what the Captain had said, and just how much he'd annoyed his wife.

He certainly had some making up to do, but first, he was in charge of the rest of the duty shift.


	124. Baby Bumping

_**Jack O'Neill 'Stargate SG-1' – The very young do not always do as they're told**_

**- Torres/Tuvok featuring Seven of Nine - late Season 7 -**

'Ugh.'

'Lieutenant, are you alright?'

'I'm fine Tuvok,' B'Elanna turned to the Vulcan sitting next to her and smiled; they were the only senior officers in the briefing room and were waiting for the others to arrive before the meeting could start. 'It's just the baby kicking again.'

'I gather she is an active fetus.'

'That's putting it mildly,' the engineer rubbed her belly again. 'She's been lodged in my ribcage for about a week now, and loves to use my organs as for boxing practice.'

'I believe an active fetus is the sign of a healthy fetus.'

'I know, I know,' she sighed. 'I just wish it weren't so uncomfortable.'

'My wife expressed the same sentiments through each of her four pregnancies, so I do believe you are not alone in the feeling.'

'Gee, thanks.'

'I only meant to offer support.'

'I know Tuvok, and thank you.'

They sat in silence for a few minutes, nodding at Seven of Nine when she joined them.

'Ouch,' B'Elanna's hand moved to a different part of her belly. 'Calm down, honey, no need to make it worse for both of us.'

'Does that ever work?' Seven asked, observing the interaction.

'Does what work?'

'Instructing the fetus in things not to do.'

'Oh Seven,' B'Elanna laughed; she couldn't help it. 'Not usually, but it helps me believe that I have some control over my body, even though I don't.'

'In my experience, the very young do not always do as they are told,' Tuvok interjected.

'Amen to that.'


	125. Preferred Posting

_**Martha Rodgers 'Castle' – In life you just have to accept the fact that not everything is gonna go your way**_

**- Tom/Miral Paris - future -**

The moment the door slammed, Tom Paris knew his daughter's day was not a good one. He sighed as he continued to prepare everything for the family's dinner.

'Miral, honey, everything okay?' he knew it wasn't but he called out anyway. Her younger siblings, especially the triplets, were known to complain about their oldest sister when she came home in less-than-pleasant moods.

He heard his daughter stomping and throwing her things around before she joined him in the kitchen, an aggravated look firmly entrenched on her face. She fell heavily onto a bar stool; Tom only raised an eyebrow as she stole his beer and drained the bottle in less than five mouthfuls.

'Feel any better?'

'No,' she growled.

'Well, are you gonna share with the class?'

She sighed heavily, moving around to the other side of the counter to show off her knife skills and take over the vegetable preparation. Her father shrugged, letting Miral take over, and instead moved onto the chicken.

They worked in a comfortable silence side by side, Tom knowing what was bothering Miral would eventually simmer to the point of explosion.

'We received notifications of our post-graduation postings today,' she started, quieter than he was expecting.

'Oh yeah?' he was trying not to let the hope show in his voice too much; everyone in the house knew how hard she was pushing for a posting on the slipstream fleet she had grown up on.

'Yeah,' came her heavy reply. 'You're looking at the new Beta shift flight controller and shuttle pilot on the _Enterprise_-F.'

'Miral, that's great!'

'No it's not!' Ah, there was the explosion he was looking for. 'You know how much I wanted a slipstream fleet posting; hell, _everyone_ knew how much I wanted slipstream fleet! But no, I get stuck on the _Enterprise_ while friggin' Harris, Mr Perfect himself, gets the post I want!'

Tom had to pull the knife out of her hands to save it from flying across the room; once he put it down, he pulled her into a tight hug.

'Honey, you have to understand, you spent a good five years as part of that fleet; your brother was born on that fleet. You have to give someone else a chance.'

'I know,' she sighed, pouting into her father's chest. 'It's just… I remember having so many good times out there, alone, helping Mom and everyone else rebuilding, you teaching me how to fly in the Flyer, and later at _Voyager_'s helm…'

'But the _Enterprise_ is the flagship of the Federation,' he tried to placate her.

'Dad, you and I both know that ship is not what it used to be, not since Picard retired.'

'Oh kiddo,' he sighed heavily. 'In life you just have to accept the fact that not everything is gonna go your way, no matter how much you want it to.'

'I know,' she sighed again. 'I can't get everything I want.'

'Just know, your family will always love you.'

'Thanks, Dad.'

'Anytime.'


End file.
